I'm a single 40 something and do go to the bars but I have not gone by myself. I usually go with one or two of my other single girlfriends but I gotta tell you - it's tough. First, it's really hard to find bars that have guys in our age range - far and few between. Secondly, if there are single guys our age out they are paying all of the attention to the younger girls! I actually find that there are more men out at happy hours, especially in the Tysons area, but I have yet to make a love connection. I was actually just saying today that it sucks being this age and single - it's really hard finding guys. And I am not against someone younger than I am but they don't want someone my age - maybe for a hook-up bit that's it.

If you do decide to go to a bar by yourself, I'd go to happy hour on a weeknight first and see how it goes. Go where there are a lot of businesses like Tysons. And like some of the other's said, I wouldn't stay long, get to know the bartendars.

If any of your 40 something single men are reading this please tell us where you guys go! We want to meet you

As someone who spends a lot of time in my local pub observing human behavior, I would say it's probably best to keep it to early evening, up to, say, 10pm max. After that it starts to get kind of ugly and the vultures will start swirling. If that's what you want though then show up after 10pm when inhibitions are much lower. However quality will probably be poor. I know, I usually show up around 10 (I'm a guy).

Happy hour is good because people are usually still sober but loosening up, and it's fine to be there on your own at that time. You won't feel like you have a big target on your back either. Also, there's usually enough hubbub for some shy dude to amble up and make an attempt. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are the bars/places you mentioned that supposedly have single men in 40's? Just curious. I'm married but my best friend is single and in your boat ...sick of the dating sites. of the last two men she met on Eharm, one ended up getting so wasted that he had to run out of a dinner party to throw up (come on- the guy is 40), and the other became a stalker. Apparently it's not easy! Give me some names so I can go with her on our next girls night ...

most single guys like to get wasted, this changes when the girlfriend or wife get all controlling and doesn't let them do this anymore

I understand the desire to want to "let loose" once in a while, but this guy embarassed himself at a really nice dinner. No one else was drinking like him, it was the beginning of the night, and he was wasted to the point of puking in the middle of the home-made 5-course meal. MOST women and men want to be with someone who can control themselves.

Anonymous wrote:What are the bars/places you mentioned that supposedly have single men in 40's? Just curious. I'm married but my best friend is single and in your boat ...sick of the dating sites. of the last two men she met on Eharm, one ended up getting so wasted that he had to run out of a dinner party to throw up (come on- the guy is 40), and the other became a stalker. Apparently it's not easy! Give me some names so I can go with her on our next girls night ...

most single guys like to get wasted, this changes when the girlfriend or wife get all controlling and doesn't let them do this anymore

What are the bars/places you mentioned that supposedly have single men in 40's? Just curious. I'm married but my best friend is single and in your boat ...sick of the dating sites. of the last two men she met on Eharm, one ended up getting so wasted that he had to run out of a dinner party to throw up (come on- the guy is 40), and the other became a stalker. Apparently it's not easy! Give me some names so I can go with her on our next girls night ...

Don't waste your time. I started going to bar a few years ago for happy hour with friends. I have met a lot of people there and formed some good friendships. I do go by myself some nights because I know so many people there. I have fun. However, most of the men there are in relationships and looking for a lay. The single ones will flirt, ask for your number, maybe call or text (which is annoying). I've had a few invites for outings but most cancelled before the date. Now I just make it clear I'm there to socialize and hang with friends. Don't want to go out, don't want to give out my number, etc. I may miss a few good guys but I think I've been hanging out long enough to know that the bar/club scene has not changed. You would probably be better off having dinner at a nice restaurant bar... good luck

It's a hard combination:
1. Being open to talking to new people without making some guy feel as if he has to impress 4-5 people.
2. Being easily able to shut down conversations that aren't going anywhere (e.g. married guy who wants to bed you, guy who keeps asking about your feet, etc.)
3. Being easily able to follow up with a guy who is eligible and meets your criteria (which hopefully are in line with your reality.)

I do this all the time, but my family owns the bar. It only takes a few minutes of sitting at the bar, looking engaged in whatever game is on to strike up a conversation. Get to know the bartender and you'll be fine.

I'd try joining an interest group (volunteering, birdwatching, collecting antique pewter snuffboxes). I think one is more likely to meet a kindred spirit there. I don't tend to go to bars because my shoes stick to the floor, and a Guiness is not a lot to have in common with someone.

try going to meetup.com
you can find people with similar interests.

or professionals in the city: speed dating!

Sure, why not! I admire your initiative! I am too lazy and unmotivated for that. Good luck!

Used to go to Lucky Bar in Dupont for salsa lessons and met a boyfriend this way. Like PP said, you want to set up a Cheers situation in which you know the regulars and it's a comfortable place for you. If you don't like the music and vibe don't go.

You can go in regularly but for short periods of time, like a single drink. You'll know the bartender's name, the main waitresses, and they'll get to know you. You can occasionally eat a small dinner at the bar and make general conversation that sort of invites participation. It's not smarmy if you approach it as just being friendly while doing your thing. If you just like people and are open to talking to everybody, it sends out good energy. I wouldn't do it and only reach out to those whom I considered eligible prospective partners. That's the road to creepy and unseemly. Yuk.

It's hit and miss in terms of good conversation, but isn't Match.com?

I haven't been there in years, but The Guards in Georgetown used to be a good spot for this sort of interaction. It's been about a decade, but I remember Stetson's also being a nice place to chat with people. Is the Childe Harold still open? God, I'm old.

Stay away from hook up spots that are too loud.

Can you go to church instead?

I am tired tired tired of Match.com, and was reading an earlier thread about bars where single 40-something men allegedly go. But though I'd like to try this (live humans!) I can't quite figure out how to DO this. Single women, what do you do? Do you go alone? with a friend? What's the protocol? You sit at the bar and... What, cast "come hither" eyes at men? Wear a t-shirt that says "come talk to me"?

Whaaah. Lame, I know, but I don't get this whole bar thing. Please explain.