We only do sleepovers with families I know really well, ehose homes I have myself been in on many occasions, and who we have also hosted many times.

I'm sure you realize that children who are sexually abused almost always know the offender fairly well.

Anonymous wrote:Serously. Somebody explain to me why you don't like your kids to go to sleepovers. Is there something about them that I am not getting?

My DD could not fall asleep at sleepovers -- at her last sleepover (years ago when she was about 9) I had to go pick her up at 1 am. We even tried sleepovers at our house and she'd leave her sleeping friends and go sleep in her own bed. As the kids get older they are up most of the night and then they're impossible the next day (tired, crabby, miserable to siblings, unmotivated to do sports or homework, whatever). Then as they get into middle school and beyond, that's when they sneak out of your basement, ring neighbors' door bells and run (at midnight). Ha ha. Then older still is when more experimenting is involved. Now that I have older and younger children, I think I may try to skip the whole sleepover evolution for the younger ones.

But my DD never had a problem leaving a sleepover party at 9 or 10. There's no embarrassment involved.

OP, is it discomfort with sleepovers in general or this family in particular? That said we've done the pick up at bedtime thing and it was fine.

Anonymous wrote:Google Michael Gardner Falls Church. Local newspaper columnist, his wife is on the city council. Waiting for trial for molesting 2 little girls at his TEN year old daughter's sleepover....

Personally, I let my DD go to sleepovers but I can see the other side

This is like saying that I won't let my kids go to school because one teacher at one school at one time touched a kid inappropiately. Or, I won't let my kid be in boy scouts because one troop leader somewhere molested a boy. If you are keeping your kid from doing normal activities because you have irrational fears about extremely unlikely outcomes, this would be a mental health issue that needs to be addressed. That being said, it doesn't sound like that is what is going on with the PP's.

I can see wanting to look into the situation carefully if my DD wants to go to a sleepover at the home of parents that I don't know. But, it sounds like many of the people here won't let their kids go to sleepovers at the homes of people they do know. Just because they don't like the sleepovers on principle. My question is, why?

Anonymous wrote:Serously. Somebody explain to me why you don't like your kids to go to sleepovers. Is there something about them that I am not getting?

Because there's a very different level of trust required for me to let someone care for my child overnight with no structured activities than to let someone supervise my kid at a bounce house or american girl birthday party, but it's often a similar group of kids invited. We only do sleepovers with families I know really well, ehose homes I have myself been in on many occasions, and who we have also hosted many times. If I've just chatted with you in the carpool lane or at the soccer field, thrn I don't know you well enough to trust you with my kid. It's not even just about the parent potentially doing something unsavory. I want to know that the kids will be well-supervised. Sleepovers are thr first place a lot of kids are introduced to pornography (which I feel my ES kid is a bit young for, thanks) or cigarettes, or engage in "games" with other party guests where they may feel pressured to do things that can be very traumatic. I know of multiple people who engaged in party games where they were convinced to get naked in front of their friends on a dare and/or act out sexual behaviors as a joke, but those women were uncomfortable at the time and didn't know how to speak up.

Google Michael Gardner Falls Church. Local newspaper columnist, his wife is on the city council. Waiting for trial for molesting 2 little girls at his TEN year old daughter's sleepover....

Personally, I let my DD go to sleepovers but I can see the other side

Serously. Somebody explain to me why you don't like your kids to go to sleepovers. Is there something about them that I am not getting?

Anonymous wrote:I get the not wanting to do sleepovers but I don't understand the pps who decline the entire party. I find out what time the planned activities for the party end (usually by 9 for 8yr olds) and pick up at that time. It's never seemed to bother anyone.

It didn't bother your child, really? We agreed to go to a party and pick DD up at bedtime which she originally agreed to but ended up embarrassed and upset that we did. Better not to go at all.

I get the not wanting to do sleepovers but I don't understand the pps who decline the entire party. I find out what time the planned activities for the party end (usually by 9 for 8yr olds) and pick up at that time. It's never seemed to bother anyone.

Yup. We don't do sleepovers either. I wouldn't have agreed to her going at all. I would have said it sounds like fun, but we already have plans that evening.

Why do you need to make an excuse? Just tell them you are sorry but Sally won't be able to come. End of story. You don't owe anyone an explanation. And you are right to follow your instincts.

Anonymous wrote:She is eight. Are you also not going to let her play in sprinklers, do cat's cradle, and braid her friend's hair? Do not make her "that" kid. The girls aren't going to go to bed at a designated bedtime or that is the lamest sleepover party ever.

What on earth is so sacred about your schedule the next day (a weekend day presumably) that your DD can't make up any lost sleep? Let her go to a party with her friends at the home of people you already know.

It sounds like the OP is creeped out by the friend's father. Trust your instincts mom.

She is eight. Are you also not going to let her play in sprinklers, do cat's cradle, and braid her friend's hair? Do not make her "that" kid. The girls aren't going to go to bed at a designated bedtime or that is the lamest sleepover party ever.

What on earth is so sacred about your schedule the next day (a weekend day presumably) that your DD can't make up any lost sleep? Let her go to a party with her friends at the home of people you already know.

"Hi, Francine. Mary would love to come to the party, but I'm afraid we don't let her do sleepovers. We have found that she just doesn't get enough sleep anywhere but her own bed -- it really messes her up and it just doesn't work well for our family. But we'd love to have her attend the party and celebrate with Jenny, and pick her up around 9 PM or whenever the girls are going to bed. Would that work for you guys?"

DD invited to sleepover, I am not crazy about them. I told DD that she could go to the party but I would have to pick her up at the designated bedtime. DD is 8, I don't think I would be comfortable if she were 14. I know the parents but don't know the husband well. How do I get out of this and be called an ogre by her or the other family.