Anonymous wrote:15:39 - ITA. The parents make it harder on the kids than any other child I have seen. Very often, the parents try to choose the friends, and that never works. OP, let your child choose her own friends and go from there. Most likely, most of the children started the year without a friend in the class (statistically). Making friends is part of the ride. Try not to take it too hard.

I am the 15:39 poster. This mention of parents was not directed towards OP. I think she needs to do what she can do advocate for her little girl, especially if the child is aware she is being ostracized by the other kids. That is just heartbreaking.

I think that notifying the school is a good idea. It is possible that many of the girls in her class are all previous friends, or their moms are close so they are in an automatic clique. My child is new to the area and his school does a lunch bunch with new kids to help them get to know other kids in the same bunch. My child loved meeting the other new kids and it helped to start new friendships. Maybe your school has a similar program. It only takes one other person to make a friendship.

I hope your baby will find the friendship she needs to make school a happy place to be.

15:39 - ITA. The parents make it harder on the kids than any other child I have seen. Very often, the parents try to choose the friends, and that never works. OP, let your child choose her own friends and go from there. Most likely, most of the children started the year without a friend in the class (statistically). Making friends is part of the ride. Try not to take it too hard.

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand why they move the kids about from year to year.
I went to school in England and in Elem school you stayed with the same kids for 4 years until you went onto another school. I had a best friend at school for the whole 4 years.

I have been a nanny here ( not a parent) and the poor kids make friends and then after every summer have to make new friends again. I'm all for making new friends but its sad when kids have to lose their old friends, theres something to be said for having a best friend at this age, especially for girls.

Just an opinion, but I think they do it because a lot of times the parents get cliquey and mean spirited (gossiping about the kids, leaving people out, accusing other kids of being the "favorites" for any earned achievement, etc.). I think it is a case of trading one minus for another.

I really don't understand why they move the kids about from year to year.
I went to school in England and in Elem school you stayed with the same kids for 4 years until you went onto another school. I had a best friend at school for the whole 4 years.

I have been a nanny here ( not a parent) and the poor kids make friends and then after every summer have to make new friends again. I'm all for making new friends but its sad when kids have to lose their old friends, theres something to be said for having a best friend at this age, especially for girls.

This was us last year. I did the horrible thing of sneaking by at recess to see what was going on and there was my DC all alone kicking mulch. Totally broke my heart. Definitely talk with the teacher and see how class is going and what may be going on. Our teacher had no idea that was how it was and began immediately to change seats around, emphasizing small group work, etc. It really helped and friends were made. I also worked with my DC to identify one child to have for a sleepover in two weeks. We would talk about who it was, finding out their name, making sure DC got their contact information, etc. That worked but I will admit it took over the two weeks.

Moving on to 4th grade was much easier. I think that third grade is also a big leap for some kids. They have to become more independent and held more accountable for their work. That coupled with social stuff can be very overwhelming. Just step in quietly and be very gentle.

Anonymous wrote:Talk to the teacher and he/she can give you more perspective about this situation. I think many schools are begining to assign seats at lunch for this reason. I think you should consider getting in with the moms a bit and setting up some playdates. Usually once kids have one on one time at eachothers house they tend to form friendships at school. Good Luck!

I agree with the playdates suggestion. You don't necessarily have to know the parents. Talk to the teacher and get a list of names in her class of girls her teacher thinks would be a good match for her. Then just schedule a lot of playdates. If you have a parent willing to do playdates consistently, like every week or every other week, try that.

Let her take something "cool" to school that will prompt the other girls to engage (although I Agree wholeheartedly With the advice to approach the teacher and guidance counselor)..

Our guidance counselor holds lunch bunches for the kids to get to know each other in some small groups. It really helps.

OP here. Thanks to both of you for your advise. It certainly helped.

Also talk to the guidance counselor. Find ways you can get to know the kids. Join PTA. Volunteer for class trips and parties.

Talk to the teacher and he/she can give you more perspective about this situation. I think many schools are begining to assign seats at lunch for this reason. I think you should consider getting in with the moms a bit and setting up some playdates. Usually once kids have one on one time at eachothers house they tend to form friendships at school. Good Luck!

Looks like we have a typical problem at hand, but, I really have no idea how to solve it. Your advise is greatly appreciated.

My daughter just entered 3rd grade and having a hard time at school with repect to friends. All the friends she knew are in other classes and the she is unable to make new friends in this class. I tried giving options - asked her to play along, make new friends, come up with something to do during recess like writing about her class - but they all seem to not help. She was in tears this morning when going to school. No one to play with during recess and no one to sit with at lunch time. My heart breaks, but I do not know what to do.

Please advise.