How are you feeling, OP?

A crush is just a fantasy, OP. You are using it to get away from reality. It can be fun, but when it becomes an obsession that interferes with your life, you need to deal with the cause of it. Are you and your DH not communicating well? Are you mad at your DH for not doing enough at home? Are you getting enough sleep? Enough sex? Something's not right, OP, and this fantasy is helping you get away from whatever is not working well in your life and your relationship with your DH.

It's like having a crush on a movie star. This person you have a crush on is real, and you interact with him. But you could choose to distance yourself, and you don't. You like the sensations you get from flirting with him, from being with him, even though you don't want to act on your fantasies. You recognize it's a fantasy, but it seems to be moving a little too close to obsession, OP, and you are recognizing that.

How about telling your DH about it? How would that feel? Might start a discussion neither of you want to have.

Good luck, OP. Stay away from this object of your affection, and pull your head back to reality.

Anonymous wrote:I'm there now. The guy isn't worth my time and I know that. I steel myself before I see him, tell myself he's nothing special, then he teases or flirts or gives me one of those looks and it's all over again. I am thinking about him almost every minute until I see him again. I think of excuses to start conversations. What's worse, even though I don't flirt back I think he's on to me. He will act businesslike and "normal" for a few weeks then gets flirtatious and personal for a week or so. He's never made a move or done anything that he could be called out on, though we've been alone any number of times. I have a sick feeling I'm being played for his ego but can't help going a long with it.

Time away does not help. It gives me more false hope. I am hoping that eventually my logical side will convince the emotional side to stop playing the game. I have no good advice for you but you're not alone, and I am happy to "listen" without judging as others here surely will.

Focus on this hot-cold element to help you get over this. You think you're being played. Your description of his hot-cold reactions make me think maybe you are, too. I think you need to trust that "sick feeling" and do what you need to do to distance yourself from this man.

I think you'll grow out of it. Like you said you're not feeling appreciated at home. Can you get away for a night with DH without baby? Try to reconnect? Or do something new together? Marriages go through ups and downs. I think you're imagining all the ways your crush is better than your husband- but they're just in your imagination. Sometimes dwelling on a crush can be fun because it's new. I think this will pass, and as you've already said, the important thing is to not act on it.

Thanks PPs (OP here). I swear I would NEVER physically be able to act on this. But we do have personal conversations and he is a sexy person and I think after being married for a long time and some of the not-so-nice things tired parents say to each other in new parenthood, you start to feel way less appreciated and when someone at daycare starts to make you feel important and attractive, your mind can play tricks. I hope this will pass. I am not very pleased with how often I think of him. It is driving me crazy!

OP, try to realize this is a fantasy. You're imagining that he's as perfect as you think he looks. Maybe he's really lazy. Maybe he's mean to colleagues. Maybe he's cheated before. Or maybe he's just not a good guy for you personality-wise. You have a crush so you're imaging he's perfect. It's just a fantasy.

A man taking care of a small child is the sexiest thing in the.entire.world.

Put seriously, this is not good for anyone. Why don't you try to think through in vivid detail what would happen if you acted on it; then maybe you can replace his sexy image in your brain with divorce, financial woes, and significant stress on your child. Make it as graphic as possible.

I'm there now. The guy isn't worth my time and I know that. I steel myself before I see him, tell myself he's nothing special, then he teases or flirts or gives me one of those looks and it's all over again. I am thinking about him almost every minute until I see him again. I think of excuses to start conversations. What's worse, even though I don't flirt back I think he's on to me. He will act businesslike and "normal" for a few weeks then gets flirtatious and personal for a week or so. He's never made a move or done anything that he could be called out on, though we've been alone any number of times. I have a sick feeling I'm being played for his ego but can't help going a long with it.

Time away does not help. It gives me more false hope. I am hoping that eventually my logical side will convince the emotional side to stop playing the game. I have no good advice for you but you're not alone, and I am happy to "listen" without judging as others here surely will.

Anonymous wrote:Picture him on the can taking a dump while surfing on his Iphone.

Haha

Picture him on the can taking a dump while surfing on his Iphone.

I have a crush on best friend's husband. Even worse....I know them from church. Crush has been going on for about a year now....it's MUCH better than it once was.

You need distance...have your hubby do the pickups for a while or go at a different time so that you won't run into him.

He is sexy as hell and pays attention to me and maybe it is the pheromones!

Pheromones. I (vaguely, w/o real evidence) think that evolution just wants us to have sex with certain people.

Perhaps he subconciously reminds you of a past love?

I have developed a crush on a Dad at daycare. I have a child and we talk at pick-up/drop-off. I think about this Dad a LOT. What is wrong with me? I am married and have NEVER done this sort of thing.ever. I am not saying I would cheat, etc if I had the opportunity. I would never do that. But why am I acting like I am in HS/college again and thinking about this Dad SO MUCH? If others have been in this situation, how the hell can I make it stop?