Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why is your child in physical therapy and what are her "gross motor delays"??????

I ask this question because I HAVE A CHILD WITH GROSS MOTOR DELAYS...she can do none of the things you describe. None of them. Can't do the shape sorter. Can't walk. Can't drink from a cup. Either you are lying, or your child has no motor delays.

OP here. She's been in physical therapy for 6 months now. We're actually waiting for the PT who'll be here in 20 minutes. She has low muscle tone on her torso and neck what caused her not to roll over until 10 months. I won't mention the crawling because we're from a different school of thought so it's irrelevant here. Because of her condition she over developed her right side and has a left side underdeveloped so we're working on equalizing both. We've been feeding her from an open cup since 6 months because she would not take a bottle. She has an unrelated neurological condition that caused her to be overcautious regarding exploring experiences and also developed a very sensitive tactile response so we're working on that front too.

Satisfied or you want me to share her medical records too?

Sorry I struck a nerve, but I think you are using the wrong terminology. Gross motor delays is not a description of what is happening in this situation. Gross motor delays means that walking, feeding, large hand operations -- are affected.

You called me a liar when I was trying to talk about my child's condition! Obviously you touched a nerve.

I'm no expert but this is how her pediatrician and PT refer to the condition. All the muscles in her trunk and neck are weak so she cant twist side to side, she can't roll over, she could not hold her neck up until later on. She still can't roll over well and crawling is challenging. She has one side stronger than the other and you can see it with your naked eyes. How do you, expert, call it.?

Anonymous wrote:Yes they're competitive--this is a common dynamic in some relationships between parents. Part of the reason may be that they KNEW your child was having therapy, so they might have assumed that their child would be more advanced. Seeing your child successfully walk, eat regular food, drink from a cup, play with the sorter, etc., may have startled them, since now it looks like their child is relatively behind in those areas.

We all know that kids develop at different rates, and you seem to have been trying to assure them of this fact. ("I'm like "Whatever" in my mind but kept smiling and telling her that soon her DD will get over this phase...") But can you see that this might not be comforting coming from the parent of the "more advanced" child? It could sound a little demeaning.

Thanks for your kind response and your first paragraph is exactly what I thought was going on...

I try not to talk about DD's delays all the time. I don't want people to feel pity for us/her so I try just to brush it off and I want to focus on the things she's good at doing and not the things she can't do.

Anyway, I'll watch my attitude next time. I don't want to give the wrong impression and sound demeaning at all. I was just really uncomfortable with the constant comparison and I was just trying to ignore it I guess. My bad.

I get this a lot b/c I have a child who did most things in the later side of normal. I ignore it. Even people who don't have kids seem to need to chime in about when DC should be doing stuff. If they get really annoying, I tell them I was walking, talking and completely potty trained by the time I was one. Reading by two and entered first grade when three. DC will do whatever when DC is good and ready and does not take after me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why is your child in physical therapy and what are her "gross motor delays"??????

I ask this question because I HAVE A CHILD WITH GROSS MOTOR DELAYS...she can do none of the things you describe. None of them. Can't do the shape sorter. Can't walk. Can't drink from a cup. Either you are lying, or your child has no motor delays.

OP here. She's been in physical therapy for 6 months now. We're actually waiting for the PT who'll be here in 20 minutes. She has low muscle tone on her torso and neck what caused her not to roll over until 10 months. I won't mention the crawling because we're from a different school of thought so it's irrelevant here. Because of her condition she over developed her right side and has a left side underdeveloped so we're working on equalizing both. We've been feeding her from an open cup since 6 months because she would not take a bottle. She has an unrelated neurological condition that caused her to be overcautious regarding exploring experiences and also developed a very sensitive tactile response so we're working on that front too.

Satisfied or you want me to share her medical records too?

Sorry I struck a nerve, but I think you are using the wrong terminology. Gross motor delays is not a description of what is happening in this situation. Gross motor delays means that walking, feeding, large hand operations -- are affected.

Wow, OP, you must really be a great mother to have a child who, despite receiving therapy, having fewer teeth, and being shorter, is so much smarter, happier, and more advanced than that other loser baby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why is your child in physical therapy and what are her "gross motor delays"??????

I ask this question because I HAVE A CHILD WITH GROSS MOTOR DELAYS...she can do none of the things you describe. None of them. Can't do the shape sorter. Can't walk. Can't drink from a cup. Either you are lying, or your child has no motor delays.

OP here. She's been in physical therapy for 6 months now. We're actually waiting for the PT who'll be here in 20 minutes. She has low muscle tone on her torso and neck what caused her not to roll over until 10 months. I won't mention the crawling because we're from a different school of thought so it's irrelevant here. Because of her condition she over developed her right side and has a left side underdeveloped so we're working on equalizing both. We've been feeding her from an open cup since 6 months because she would not take a bottle. She has an unrelated neurological condition that caused her to be overcautious regarding exploring experiences and also developed a very sensitive tactile response so we're working on that front too.

Satisfied or you want me to share her medical records too?

how old is your kid?

Yes they're competitive--this is a common dynamic in some relationships between parents. Part of the reason may be that they KNEW your child was having therapy, so they might have assumed that their child would be more advanced. Seeing your child successfully walk, eat regular food, drink from a cup, play with the sorter, etc., may have startled them, since now it looks like their child is relatively behind in those areas.

We all know that kids develop at different rates, and you seem to have been trying to assure them of this fact. ("I'm like "Whatever" in my mind but kept smiling and telling her that soon her DD will get over this phase...") But can you see that this might not be comforting coming from the parent of the "more advanced" child? It could sound a little demeaning.

Anonymous wrote:OP, why is your child in physical therapy and what are her "gross motor delays"??????

I ask this question because I HAVE A CHILD WITH GROSS MOTOR DELAYS...she can do none of the things you describe. None of them. Can't do the shape sorter. Can't walk. Can't drink from a cup. Either you are lying, or your child has no motor delays.

OP, why is your child in physical therapy and what are her "gross motor delays"??????

OMG let me read my post again...

I was just trying to pin point the areas where the other mom was making a big deal...

Her child is taller, has more teeth but my child is the one in physical therapy with delays. I guess she was concerned because of that? Maybe?

I tried redirecting them whenever the mom would start pressing for her child to do whatever DD was doing. It was almost embarrassing to see her getting upset when her child would not get the right shape in. And as I said it was new for us too. DD never liked those shapes sorting toys...

Anyway, I think my child is kind of average and when I thought she was not I pursued treatment. DH thinks the other mom was kinda upset because our child is "delayed" and still was doing some things her child was not able to do.

Let me read my post again and see how it sounded...

Anonymous wrote:Oh geez, I think this might be the pot calling the kettle black? Seriously, read your post.

ITA. OP, what is the point of your post? To vent about a mother who was defensive about her child in the face of your child's "Super Baby" attributes?

Oh geez, I think this might be the pot calling the kettle black? Seriously, read your post.

To be honest, OP, it's pretty clear that the competitive attitude is coming just as much from you as the other family, if not more. You may not even realize how you are coming off, but the fact that you needed to point out how your kid was better in every way and they were just defensive is a huge red flag. I suspect if you don't think a little harder about your own behavior you are going to find a lot more "weird" families out there.

I know it's hard because we are all proud of our kids, and when someone else has a child close in age it is natural to compare. But you have to learn to be happy and proud of your kid for who s/he is and learn to look for the good in your friends' kids too. Your kid may be walking and eating now, but their kid may learn to read first, or may get into Harvard and your kid doesn't, or may invent the cure for cancer. You can't base your own feelings and pride on your child's accomplishments. Focus instead on making your kid into a kind, caring human being. The best way to do this is by example.

We went to visit DH's friends this weekend and I just need to vent a little.

Their DD is 2 weeks younger to our DD. We went there for lunch and what I thought would be a fun family time for all of us became some sort of embarrassing competition.

DD has been walking for a month now and their DD is not walking yet so it started there... Every time DD would walk around with a toy or something the mom would say that their DD is not walking yet because she's almost 3 feet tall, what's too tall for their age. I kinda mentally rolled my eyes and thought she'd get over it but she kept talking about it all the time! So annoying! Note that they know our DD has been in physical therapy for some serious gross motor skills delays for over 6 months now. She has a neurological condition that kept her from reaching her milestones on time.

Then the time to eat came around and DD is pretty much eating from our plates while their DD still eats pureed food so it was another reason for her to keep talking about all the molar teeth her child already has while our DD's teeth seem "delayed" - she has only 4 teeth so far. I'm like "Whatever" in my mind but kept smiling and telling her that soon her DD will get over this phase... She freaked out watching DD drinking from an open cup with my help and asked how we did it saying they can barely get their DD to drink from a straw cup. I explained it was messy in the beginning but she got it pretty easily then she let out an AAAAAAHHHH IT WAS MESSY!!! - again, in my mind I'm all WHATEVER but what's not messy with toddlers, right?

Once the meal was over we went to the living room to eat desert and the girls were playing with a sort shaping toy and DD was very successful putting them through the slots (what was brand new to us) and she kept pressing her girl to get it done. I tried telling her that it was the first time DD got them right w/o help but she laughed sarcastically saying "Oh I bet you spend hours practicing it every day". I tried to brush it off and gave DD a talking puppy that sings the ABCs and DD took off walking around singing it. They were so amazed... the puppy would switch between Spanish and English and DD would sing in both languages. They were stunned! I tried so hard to explain that she was just like a parrot repeating it but they insisted in pulling out the alphabet flashcards. At that point I grabbed my purse and winked at DH who got the message and started wrapping up.

All our friends don't have kids yet and we're just starting to make friends with other parents... Please tell me this is just one weird family and I'll get a chance to hang out with parents who're actually not that worried about comparing their kids... Please save me!