No, but I remind her that she's a big girl now, and she needs to act like one.

No, but I have told him to stop acting "rude and obnoxious" b/c he's acting like 4 going on 14.

Anonymous wrote:Are we really worried about insulting our 3-5 year old's by calling them a baby? They are going to hear far worse from peers, and we really need to stop coddling our children. Whining is what 2 year old's do before they can better communicate, so if an older child is whining, they are exhibiting "baby" behavior.

Honestly do you think your child will be scarred for life because you told them a handful of times they were acting like a baby? I highly doubt it.

I don't think "scarring them for life" is the point. Of course you won't. But one can be very firm and strict without resorting to name-calling. I think it is a question of modeling appropriate behavior and creating an atmosphere of respect.

Are we really worried about insulting our 3-5 year old's by calling them a baby? They are going to hear far worse from peers, and we really need to stop coddling our children. Whining is what 2 year old's do before they can better communicate, so if an older child is whining, they are exhibiting "baby" behavior.

Honestly do you think your child will be scarred for life because you told them a handful of times they were acting like a baby? I highly doubt it.

[b]

Anonymous wrote:It is possible to have zero tolerance for whining and still not be insulting. I would not say something like that to dc for the simple reason that I want them to think about growing up in a positive way, not that they need to follow more rules and not cry when they feel the need. I know too many college-age people who shy away from adult responsibilities like driving or personal hygiene and prefer to eat kiddy cereal and watch cartoons, so I really want to minimize negative associations of growing up.

Probably because their parents never told them to stop acting like babies.

Most infantile behavior in college age and older comes from overly sensitive and accommodating parents.

It is possible to have zero tolerance for whining and still not be insulting. I would not say something like that to dc for the simple reason that I want them to think about growing up in a positive way, not that they need to follow more rules and not cry when they feel the need. I know too many college-age people who shy away from adult responsibilities like driving or personal hygiene and prefer to eat kiddy cereal and watch cartoons, so I really want to minimize negative associations of growing up.

We say it. It works on our 6 year old and even better in our 3.5 year old since he wants to be a "big boy" more than anything.

We have zero tolerance for whining.

*add*

Anonymous wrote:

I've never really liked "don't whine" or "no whining" -- it's like "stop crying." Have you ever been upset and crying, and someone tells you to "stop crying"? It does not work,

baloney. It works. Whining that you want a cookie NOW is entirely different motivation than bawling because you fell off the swing.

You gotta be forceful enough in tone, though, to get the point across. Many mothers lack this will.

Agree. Big difference between not getting what you want/why and being emotionally or physically hurt. Would never say it if my childs feelings were hurt if they fell, but you better believe I will nip the whining in the bud if it is not warranted. Don't need to the population of spoiled brats.

It's an insult of sorts and I can see a kid being hurt by that.

Whining drives me bat sh*t crazy and my 4.5 year old son seems to suddenly be a pro at it. So we are struggling through that right now. I tell him that I don't hear a thing if it's in a whiny tone of voice. He needs to ask nicely. If he's whining because I didn't let him do something, I try desperately to completely ignore him. This works well if I've offered him a second option. " No Joey we can't go to the park today but we can play legos together. But not until you stop whining."If he whines because he "needs" a new toy, I use 1, 2, 3 Magic and he knows if I get to 3, he loses his current favorite toy for the rest of the day. We've had a couple days where he's lost 4 or 5 toys. And yes, then it's meltdown hell. But he's more appreciative of his toys by the next morning. And much less whiny.

I also thank him when he asks for things in a nice voice and praise him for being such a big boy. I try to use positive reinforcement as much as possible.

I've never really liked "don't whine" or "no whining" -- it's like "stop crying." Have you ever been upset and crying, and someone tells you to "stop crying"? It does not work,

baloney. It works. Whining that you want a cookie NOW is entirely different motivation than bawling because you fell off the swing.

You gotta be forceful enough in tone, though, to get the point across. Many mothers lack this will.

"Remember, we need to use our words. If something is bothering you, explain it to me. I don't understand whining. I will be ready to hear what you have to say when you can use your words." Something like that. Calling your child a baby is name calling. Not really a good message to be sending.

I've never really liked "don't whine" or "no whining" -- it's like "stop crying." Have you ever been upset and crying, and someone tells you to "stop crying"? It does not work, and only makes you feel worse. What about "I can't understand what you're saying. Wait a minute until you feel better and then tell me so I can understand you better."

DH says this to my son "stop whining like a baby" and it rubs me the wrong way. Doesnt seem to affect DS at all, but somehow it doesnt seem nice, or the way that I want him to be talked to.

So I dont know if your DD is too sensitive, but if she is, I"m with her.

That said, the "you're a big kid...." doesnt seem to hold much weight at all either!!

If anyone has any suggestions that really work - I'd love to hear them too!

DD got really upset I called her baby after she started whining about something; she's 4 1/2. Apparently a boy at a party called her a baby too. Is this sensitivty too much? I was surprised by her upset but then again she was tired at the end of the night. I never realized saying stop acting like a baby would be such a bad thing. I've tried the you're a big girl now no whining but this comment only goes so far.