I think you don't send an invitation, but rather email people and say, "I was thinking we could all take X out for her birthday. Would you like to take part? I would be happy to have everyone over to cocktails before we go to the restaurant."

I already posted, but the thing is, you should not "invite" people to pay for themselves. It is tacky.

So skip the invitation. Write an email saying that you are organizing a birthday celebration for your friend, and that the plan is to meet at restaurant x. And then note that you would like to host everyone at your place for drinks before going to the restaurant.

Anonymous wrote:So don't go. You asked a question and don't like the answers. And yes even in my 20s if I were invited to a celebratory dinner, I'd assume I was a guest. I didn't suddenly wake up with manners on my 30th birthday.

Not the OP, but I hope in your 40s you wake up with reading comprehension. She is asking how to word an invitation, not whether she should go. You must have spent your twenties with people whose parents were supporting them because none of my college or law school classmates would have assumed that a restaurant dinner was on anyone in our age group.

I think you should not do an actual invitation for this. But if you are sending an email around, you could ask that everyone bring cash to the restaurant to make for easier check splitting.

I hear what you're all saying, but then the question is: how do people have a large gathering at a restaurant (or even at someone's home) for a birthday celebration? In my 20s, I couldn't have afforded to host 12 people at a dinner out, could barely have afforded to host it at home. I wasn't in any way in the minority. So does that just mean no large birthday celebrations, or you have to have numerous ones, split up among people who can afford it?
I just don't think that's realistic. I would be fine with this situation even now and I'm in my 40s and can afford this.

I would drop the cocktail get together before hand and on the invite itself write something like "Let's get together to celebrate XYZ. We will meet at such and such resturant at this time and date. Dinner prices range from x dollars to x dollars. "
You could always invite people over for dessert informally after dinner at the resturant but not mention it on the invite.

This way your invite is not really an invite to the resturant in the sense that you are actually playing the host but really just providing the information for where you all will gather.

Anonymous wrote:So don't go. You asked a question and don't like the answers. And yes even in my 20s if I were invited to a celebratory dinner, I'd assume I was a guest. I didn't suddenly wake up with manners on my 30th birthday.

No, I don't like being called tacky.
I'm not going to bail on a celebration for my close friend.
And actually, almost no one answered my question, which was how to word the invitation so people knew they were expected to pay their own way.

No need to get defensive, OP. It is rude to invite people to something and then expect them to pay.

Have a cocktail party that you can afford. And call it a day.

I think in your 20s this is ok, but I would still follow 12:15's advice.

So don't go. You asked a question and don't like the answers. And yes even in my 20s if I were invited to a celebratory dinner, I'd assume I was a guest. I didn't suddenly wake up with manners on my 30th birthday.

Anonymous wrote:There was a thread on this a few years back. I think the consensus was that it was tacky to invite people to an event they have to pay for themselves.

I like the idea about inviting people to cocktails and then mentioning that the cost of dinner would be split.

Well then I guess I'm tacky, and so is my friend's husband, because this is what was planned for her birthday.
Also, as a female that will be drinking less than the men and probably ordering less expensive food, I *hate* splitting things down the middle. I might not drink alcohol at the restaurant at all, why should I have to contribute to someone else's $12-15 drink?

There was a thread on this a few years back. I think the consensus was that it was tacky to invite people to an event they have to pay for themselves.

I like the idea about inviting people to cocktails and then mentioning that the cost of dinner would be split.

Even in your 20's you'd assume that te host is paying? We aren't going to a cheap buffet. Dinner could easily be $50 per person if they get a drink or two and entree.

Thanks for the suggestion though. Will keep that in mind.

I think you should call people individually to invite and explain the situation. If I got a invite for cocktails and then to a restaurant, I would assume that you were paying. Maybe do the invite for the cocktails and then as an aside say some of us will be going to xxx restaurant to celebrate Suzies birthday and splitting the cost of the dinner. Let me know if you want to come to cocktails, dinner, both or neither.

How do I word the invitation so people know what to expect?

Will be having a dozen or so people over to my place for cocktails to celebrate a friend's birthday, then we're all going to dinner. But each person will be paying for their own dinner. Will include name of restaurant so they can look at menu & pricing ahead of time. They're of course welcome to just come for the cocktails part of the evening.

Will people assume that the cost of meal is individual? We're in our 20's and a mix of singles and married.