I'm one half of a lesbian couple and my partner definitely feels this way. She feels that our child may be the first child of a gay couple that a person meets, so we should try to make a good impression. Our daycare is all white middle-class kids and they look like raggamuffins most of the time. I think kids should be dressed to play and pjs or old clothes are fine and appropriate.

OP. Latina mom here and I totally get what you're saying. Try to dress a white girl in a top full of glitter and a tulle skirt - oh she looks like a Rock Star! Now the same outfit in my girl will cause people to comment on how horrible of a mother I am because I buy clothing that are too mature for her age. I'm trying to sexualize her and blah blah blah.

This happened at our previous school and it was one of the hardest moments of motherhood for me.

Stereotypes are all over and good for you for watching out for your kids.

Anonymous wrote:Collard? As in collard greens? Oh.....collared.

Oh horror, OP missed an "e!" It was a typo so terrible, so horrible, so outrageous that you couldn't understand her message!

Anonymous wrote:For what it is worth, I am asian caucasian, and I think that unless it is PJ day, any kid who shows up to school on PJs has a lazy mom, regardless of what their background is.

I totally agree

To the OP, I'm an AA mom and I agree with you. I put effort into how I allow my ds to look. In our school, the minority are people of color who happen to live in public housing and we are only 1 of 5/6 families of color that don't live in public housing. The majority believe (although things are changing) that the families of color don't try as much with their kids, don't want their kids associating with the others. So I spend a great of time in how my ds and us as a family present ourselves. Some of you can be in disbelief but I live it everyday and as an active PTA mom, last year heard many statements and inferences from parents and the administration that prove this to be true (somehow they seemed to forget I was in the room.)

But in the overall picture, we all stereotype others and dress/appearance matter and many times, cause us to form opinions of others. So I say do what you feel you have to do.

Collard? As in collard greens? Oh.....collared.

OP, I hear you. I think the way you present your child to the world (clean and presentable in polo shirts) is going to be the way the child displays his personality and presents himself to others. I think you keep going with the quality clothing - aware of people's preconceptions and aware that you are doing this to help your children put their best foot forward. I do not dress my DD in sweats or logo'ed clothing or some of the trashy-looking outfits they try to sell little girls these days because I know that when I'm in those kinds of clothes, I don't feel my best. When I'm dressed up in clean, nice, fashionable clothes (not necessarily trendy, just nice), I feel better and smarter and happier. I think it's the same for any kid. Kudos to you for figuring out the "game" early and helping your children play it.

I am not Latino or AA but I understand what you are saying OP. I can see what you mean and would probably (okay definitely do the same thing as you). With all that said I would NEVER let me child show up at preschool in their pjs or a costume. I don't think it's cute at all. DS wears a collared shirt everyday and frequently likes to pretend to dress like his daddy and wear a (man's oversized) tie to school

In my job, I travel to different elementary schools in varying income areas and work closely with administrators and social workers. Honestly, I don't think any of us has made a judgment or formed an opinion based on a child's outfit--although I'm guessing pajamas would get our attention. :0) As far as appearance, what does get noticed is hair/clothes,/body that's not clean on a consistent basis (I don't mean the occasional off-day when a family's running late, had illness in the family, etc) or a child wearing long-sleeved shirts/sweaters/jackets when it's very warm (as in possibly hiding bruises, etc). It's also hard to overlook a heavy odor of cigarette smoke in clothing, although I'm not aware of any parents being contacted about it.

Anonymous wrote:Another ignorant post? Say it isn't so..... No one cares that your children look Latino. No one cares if your child wore his underwear outside of his pants. No one cares but YOU. Being dressed well does not equal good behavior. People comment on your child's behavior because they have good behavior. Why do you feel as though you have something to prove through your children? If you were so concerned about making sure your Latino looking children were not looking "Latino," maybe you should not have reproduced with one. Feel sorry for your kids OP. You are far too uptight. Let your children have FUN. It won't hurt.

OP's post apparently struck quite a nerve in you. You sound terribly defensive.

Anonymous wrote:Another ignorant post? Say it isn't so..... No one cares that your children look Latino. No one cares if your child wore his underwear outside of his pants. No one cares but YOU. Being dressed well does not equal good behavior. People comment on your child's behavior because they have good behavior. Why do you feel as though you have something to prove through your children? If you were so concerned about making sure your Latino looking children were not looking "Latino," maybe you should not have reproduced with one. Feel sorry for your kids OP. You are far too uptight. Let your children have FUN. It won't hurt.

Gotta. disagree. People by nature stereotype. It's how our minds store information for easier retrieval. It takes effort to not let stereotypes affect our judgment and actions. And unfortunately many people are too lazy or uncaring to do that. A man dressed in a suit is going to get treated better than a man dressed in sweatpants. Attractive people get better jobs and earn more than their equally-talented but more homely counterparts. Ethnicity is certainly not exempt. People are quick to shamelessly judge. What the OP is experiencing is likely true. Sad, but true.

Another ignorant post? Say it isn't so..... No one cares that your children look Latino. No one cares if your child wore his underwear outside of his pants. No one cares but YOU. Being dressed well does not equal good behavior. People comment on your child's behavior because they have good behavior. Why do you feel as though you have something to prove through your children? If you were so concerned about making sure your Latino looking children were not looking "Latino," maybe you should not have reproduced with one. Feel sorry for your kids OP. You are far too uptight. Let your children have FUN. It won't hurt.

This is interesting to me because my son is in a ritzy preschool on a scholarship. We live in a 1 bedroom apartment and are barely above the poverty lines. I am EXTREMELY aware of how my son looks and dresses and feel like I have something to prove. When my son came in covered in oatmeal one morning (he got into my breakfast tupperware on the bus) everyone starting asking if things were ok, if our water bill was shut off, if we needed access to bathrooms with showers and whether our home situation was "stable"... after that, I've been totally paranoid. That said, we are completely white. Not much to say other than I think you kind of have to if you don't want to deal with the crap.

For what it is worth, I am asian caucasian, and I think that unless it is PJ day, any kid who shows up to school on PJs has a lazy mom, regardless of what their background is.

DH and I have two preschool age boys. Our kids look stereotypically Latino ( since Latinos can be of any race, I mean what most people think of as Latino - brown skin not white skin with blond hair). I try to dress them in collard shirts, matching tops and pants, no sweats or white t-shirts. Maybe I am paranoid, but when they are dressed up as opposed to dressed down I get compliments about their behavior. It also seems like if we are at the park more moms will talk to me if my sons are dressed well.

When I read topics on this board about letting your child dress in pj's or a costume to school, I would never allow it unless it is a specific dress up day. One boy at my child's preschool has worn pj's to school almost everyday the past year. In my mind people think if you are a white kid in pj's, you are a creative kid, while a AA/Latino child would be seen as having a lazy ghetto mom. Just wondering if Latino/AA moms thought the same.