I don't think "lights on" is a major sex demand for us guys. I think the bigger issue is that you feel good about yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

TheManWithAUsername wrote:If you enjoy sex more with the lights off - for whatever reason - then he probably enjoys it more because you enjoy it more. Pitch black is pretty annoying, but I don't think very low light is such a hardship.

OP here and I agree that pitch black is annoying, even with my insecurities. Dim lights are no problem but in the bright day light, that worries me. Seems like every flaw is magnified.

I agree with the others that attitude adjustments may be the best solution, but that can be a tough process with undependable results. In the meantime, I would think that the more you enjoy sex, the better.

DW has some of this same stuff. Lights low is easier for her. She enjoys it more, I therefore enjoy it more, we both want it more, she feels better about her sexiness and attractiveness - positive feedback loop. Keeping the lights on and getting drunk might work, too.

What do you do when you make love during the day time?

What fun can you possibly have in the dark. Men are visual creatures, they need to look at something. I would much rather have my DH looking at my flabby breast and c-sectioned stomach, than envisioning Elizabeth Hurley in her Austin Powers days. Well, he probably does that anyway, but still.

Wow, OP. My body is far from perfect and I walk around totally naked in front of my husband. He is also far from perfect and we often joke with each other about the excess baggage.

I think that your hang-up will definately put a chilling effect on your love life.

TheManWithAUsername wrote:If you enjoy sex more with the lights off - for whatever reason - then he probably enjoys it more because you enjoy it more. Pitch black is pretty annoying, but I don't think very low light is such a hardship.

OP here and I agree that pitch black is annoying, even with my insecurities. Dim lights are no problem but in the bright day light, that worries me. Seems like every flaw is magnified.

Anonymous wrote:I hate doing it with the lights on but DH always wants them on so I agree. I do think though that it holds me back from really letting go becuase of the insecurities I have about my body. And I won't get on top becuase I just hate my stomach and don't want him to see it.

This is exactly how I feel. I feel like I won't really get into it with the lights on because I'm worried about how I look, what he will think, etc. Getting on top is of course the worst, unless we are both body to body with it.

I don't think women know just how little most men care about the way they look. I like the lights on or daytime play. I just don't care. Most the time I am looking at her face anyway (she makes cool faces). My wife has had two kids. She is still incredibly hot to me. Enthusiasm and confidence trumps every other trait when it comes to sex. If you forget about what you think is imperfect, but focus on the sex, you'd find that the sex would be awesome. Focus on yourself and your own insecurities, you will destroy your sexual relationship with your DH.

If you enjoy sex more with the lights off - for whatever reason - then he probably enjoys it more because you enjoy it more. Pitch black is pretty annoying, but I don't think very low light is such a hardship.

Life it too short for this bullsh&t.

Compromise: Get a dimmer switch.

I hate doing it with the lights on but DH always wants them on so I agree. I do think though that it holds me back from really letting go becuase of the insecurities I have about my body. And I won't get on top becuase I just hate my stomach and don't want him to see it.

Right now, grab your man and do it with all the lights on. He loves you the way you are. If you don't stop this nonsense, it will wreck your sex life.

Get a grip on yourself (probably literally).

I had one child and my body looks ok with clothes on but looks gross with clothes off. Everything just sags and so many stretch marks and extra skin. I have come to terms that this will be me and that no amount of exercise will help. I can not sleep with my husband with the lights on. I refuse to. He does not see me naked at all. Can I really keep this up for the rest of my life? Does anyone else that does not feel comfortable with their body sleep with the lights off all the time?