Anonymous
Post 09/17/2011 00:52     Subject: Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband
Another one who feels this way - no advice, just commiseration.
Anonymous
Post 09/15/2011 14:40     Subject: Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband
I am going to the doctor next week for my regular annual exam, and I was going to bring this subject up too, because I could have written your post. But I have no idea how to even bring it up. It's not that I'm a prude, I just don't know what they can do about it, but everyone says "talk to you doctor" so that's what I'm going to do.
Anonymous
Post 09/15/2011 13:23     Subject: Re:Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband
When I was on birth control I had no libido. My doctor told me this is not uncommon and we tried The Ring for birth control. It helped a little but not much. The only thing that works for me is not being on birth control at all and then when I ovulate I turn into a raging horn dog. It took a while, I guess all the hromones had to work themselves out but during ovulation I start to crave men, their attention, and yes, their penis (channeled into husband of course) and as soon as ovulation was over I was back to being uninterested in sex until the next month. Don't be hard on yourself, I think it is super common. Also, I found my sex drive for DH was low and that other men got me more excited - just thinking about them and flirting a little. It was comforting to know I hadn't totally lost the libido. I hope this helps someone out there.
Anonymous
Post 09/15/2011 12:15     Subject: Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband
OP, hope you don't mind to share any updates when you have them. I'm a poster (married female) who has come on here before, because I'm also struggling with no libido. No children yet, though. So each month is another month of feeling like a double failure (no sex, and thus, no possibility to conceive). I've not taken good action on my problem yet, still hoping somehow I can figure it out. Again, hopefully you can find success, and if you come upon a great solution, I'll happily read here, too.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2011 15:12     Subject: Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As Nike would say, Just Do It.


Second poster here. What the hubby wants is everything besides vaginal sex. No need to go into details on the non-explicit forum. I am not as adventurous and feel he should be content if I go along, not expect enthusiasm equal to his.

That said, do you offer the same advice?

OP, I had been considering acupuncture to balance the libido. Encouraged by PPs experience.


I think you have other issues here besided a low libido. It depends on what you mean by "everything else". If there are things you are simply not comfortable with and he is pressuring you, then no that is not OK. If what he's asking for hurts you, ditto. But did you guys know if you were sexually compatible when you got married? Are these new adventures he's coming up with?

My advice would be if they are activities that you don't object to, you should go along and hope the enthusiasm kicks in. Fake it til you make it.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2011 15:08     Subject: Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As Nike would say, Just Do It.


Second poster here. What the hubby wants is everything besides vaginal sex. No need to go into details on the non-explicit forum. I am not as adventurous and feel he should be content if I go along, not expect enthusiasm equal to his.

That said, do you offer the same advice?

OP, I had been considering acupuncture to balance the libido. Encouraged by PPs experience.



Not the "Just Do it" poster. My view is that if you are not really into it then you should not do it. I think that feigning interest and being totally passive is just as bad as saying no bc then you are doing it just to get rid of him until the next time. I think all of us want willing enthusiatic partners. If there is truly a compatibility issue then you two need to really discuss it and come to a middle ground. Maybe there is something that the two of you can really get into.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2011 14:58     Subject: Re:Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband
Anonymous wrote:I fantasize about other men when I'm with my husband. I also started masturbating regularly, which helped cause desire on a regular basis but also helped me figure out ways DH can help me.


This worked for me as well. I also started watching porn, something I never thought that I would ever do, but I was desperate. Anyway, I went from sex being another chore to being horny all the time, it was like a totally sexual reawakening and the best part both DH and I are much happier.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2011 14:50     Subject: Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband
Anonymous wrote:As Nike would say, Just Do It.


Second poster here. What the hubby wants is everything besides vaginal sex. No need to go into details on the non-explicit forum. I am not as adventurous and feel he should be content if I go along, not expect enthusiasm equal to his.

That said, do you offer the same advice?

OP, I had been considering acupuncture to balance the libido. Encouraged by PPs experience.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2011 14:18     Subject: Re:Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband
I fantasize about other men when I'm with my husband. I also started masturbating regularly, which helped cause desire on a regular basis but also helped me figure out ways DH can help me.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2011 13:54     Subject: Re:Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband
Anonymous wrote:A couple of thoughts. I've been in the same boat (not 3 kids tho') and up until recently have been struggling for years of not having a libido.

1. Are you on birth control? Sometimes they mess with the hormones.

2. A couple of months ago I went to an accupuncturist (first time) for some non-related issues. Before the treatment, he asked me a lot of questions about myself. One question was if I was exhausted all the time - and if I've always been that way. Also, if my hands and feet were cold most of the times. I answered yes to both. He told me (based on more questions) that I had a kidney yang deficiency. Never have really believed that stuff before and really didn't know what it meant, but he told me that I needed to get more sleep (now I usually go right to bed after I put DD down) and he prescribed some Chinese herbs. It took about 4 -6 weeks, but I have more energy than I have had in years. My husband came home a few weeks ago for 2-wk R&R and I had a raging libido. Haven't had that for years. He also told me that I was like a new person. A look at something other than just Western Medicine might be something to examine.

I was that woman that tried to fake it for years - but my husband knew. He also knew I was trying, but I just had zero desire. That seems to have changed (only started taking the pills in July, so I'm hoping the changes don't stop).

Best wishes.


Can you please refer us to this miracle man? I am serious, where's he located? Will you share his name? Thanks!
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2011 13:53     Subject: Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband
As Nike would say, Just Do It.

I've been where you are OP. Usually once the engines get started, I get more into it.

Remind your DH that the best aphrodisiac is reduced stress for mommy which equals more help from DH.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2011 12:17     Subject: Re:Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband
A couple of thoughts. I've been in the same boat (not 3 kids tho') and up until recently have been struggling for years of not having a libido.

1. Are you on birth control? Sometimes they mess with the hormones.

2. A couple of months ago I went to an accupuncturist (first time) for some non-related issues. Before the treatment, he asked me a lot of questions about myself. One question was if I was exhausted all the time - and if I've always been that way. Also, if my hands and feet were cold most of the times. I answered yes to both. He told me (based on more questions) that I had a kidney yang deficiency. Never have really believed that stuff before and really didn't know what it meant, but he told me that I needed to get more sleep (now I usually go right to bed after I put DD down) and he prescribed some Chinese herbs. It took about 4 -6 weeks, but I have more energy than I have had in years. My husband came home a few weeks ago for 2-wk R&R and I had a raging libido. Haven't had that for years. He also told me that I was like a new person. A look at something other than just Western Medicine might be something to examine.

I was that woman that tried to fake it for years - but my husband knew. He also knew I was trying, but I just had zero desire. That seems to have changed (only started taking the pills in July, so I'm hoping the changes don't stop).

Best wishes.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2011 11:47     Subject: Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband
Well, i suggest that you both figure out a way to be more "good, giving and game". If fatigue is a factor then dicuss with your H how you can free up more time whether by him doing more or getting outside help.

Sex is really important to men and while most (I think) will suck up sexless marriages, others are not so disciplined.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2011 11:23     Subject: Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband
In same boat here. We do it regularly but H isn't happy unless I act like I really want it, which is near impossible.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2011 11:05     Subject: Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband
I made an appointment with a doctor hoping that it is something medically wrong with me, but I truly have no desire for sex. Between juggling work and three kids, the last thing I want is sex. Any advise?