I think with inheritances, there should be no expectations that any of it will be passed to you, and you should live your own life accordingly.

As others have said, you have no idea how fortunes and finances can change. My grandma is 94 and has Alzheimer's pretty severely. She was living in an assisted living facility for several years, which at the time cost over $5k a month. Due to a spate of broken hips, she's now in a nursing home, which is over $7k a month. Other than the broken hip and Alzheimer's, she is in excellent physical health and could live for quite a few more years.

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Why? Save as much as possible. What if your family's funds end up being invested with another Bernie Madoff?

The question to ask perhaps is how will things work if one parent dies and the other has or develops dementia? Who will manage the funds? Does someone other than a parent have a list of all assets, all account numbers? Do you know how hard POA is? I have it for my mother, and I had to get it on every single account.

Nursing homes can cost $750 a day. $273,750 a year.

I totallly agree with you, PP.

There was a recent WSJ article on minimal ways to have your documents in order as a courtesy to your heirs.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702303627104576410234039258092.html?mod=WSJ_hp_mostpop_read

I think this article would be worth discussing with parents. I did last weekend, in addition to using the article to help organize my own documents.

I think the only conversation I'd consider having with my parents is to make sure they had wills and had done estate planning. It's a mess if they die without wills or any planning. However, the details are their business, and they may change as the family situation changes, especially with a dependent adult child in the family. Even if their current plan were to leave everything to you, that could change so I would never count on that money. That way if you get it, it's a windfall, if you don't, you're fine too.

You should never factor inheritance into your long term planning. It is too unpredictable and high risk.

There is a high probability that either both or at least one of your parents will require everything that have saved to cover their long term care and medical expenses. People are living much longer but in situations where they need much more expensive care for longer extended periods of time. Fewer people have pension and long term health care plans. The elderly need to completely exhaust their assets and savings before they can qualify for Medicaid or other cost reduction services. This is taking many people by surprise and I think we are seeing an end to inheritance for anyone who does not die in the 70-80 yr range or is not worth 10M+.

RUDE! Seriously, you shouldn't even expect anything from your parents. Unless a trust already exists, there is no telling what could happen.

One more thought. You sound like you are thinking more about you than the surviving parent and siblings! Is your mother an ex and you have a stepmother? This is a complicated situation! Your father may leave everything to her, then she'd leave everything to his children.

It's a tough conversation. Many families avoid it intentionally so their adult children do not get attached to the idea of having funds and spend more than they should.

I have a friend who thougth he was going to get all the money and property-they donated it to the church and left him nothing.

I still laugh at him. He keeps hoping it is somewhere-he has not saved a dime for retirement or anything

It is taboo. Go with your gut. If it feels awkward, your conscience is telling you something.

P.S. I'd also inquire about your disabled sibling.

OP,

Why? Save as much as possible. What if your family's funds end up being invested with another Bernie Madoff?

The question to ask perhaps is how will things work if one parent dies and the other has or develops dementia? Who will manage the funds? Does someone other than a parent have a list of all assets, all account numbers? Do you know how hard POA is? I have it for my mother, and I had to get it on every single account.

Nursing homes can cost $750 a day. $273,750 a year.

This is not something that is discussed in my family.

I'd never ask, I think it's tacky and classless. That's just me though. If you feel you need to ask then go for it. The money is not your money, for all you know your parents are going to bestow it to the local animal shelter, it may not go to any of your siblings... Keep that in mind.

While openness in the family is always ideal, I don't think it is reasonable to expect that inheritance expectations should be discussed. Especially, in complicated situations, not all factors may be predicted. Even in simple situations, the cost of health care alone could possibly take up most of a person's assets. For example, if someone wanted to live at home with help, instead of living in a nursing home, this could cost a lot of money. I think it is everyone's right to feel free to make financial decisions as they please without feeling accountable to their children's "expectations."

Absolutely not. Their financial choices are none of your business. If they want to give you a gift like that, it is up to them to decide. It is their money. Their timing. Their choice to share that info with you or not.

Should it be discussed? No. If they tell you you've got a nest egg coming - great. If not, don't act like a greedy cow who is more interested in their demise than their lives.

Just plan on nothing and maybe you will be pleasantly surprised.

It seems as if the subject is taboo. Sort of like asking for a gift or presuming someone IS going to get you a gift.

But if inheritance could possibly have a significant impact on your retirement planning - shouldn't you know this?

I can't imagine NOT telling my daughters what to expect, in general terms, when I die. But I'd feel really akward asking my parents about this. And, ours is a complicated situation, involving significant money, multiple marriages, 6 siblings, one of whom is disabled and will be dependent on the others after my parents die.

Shouldn't inheritance or lack thereof be discussed at least in an overview with one's children?