Anonymous wrote:I am a European who married an American, so in terms of level of education, culture, and civilization there was a significant gap. It is hard sometimes, but I committed to my own personal "mission civilisatrice".
And I have actually even found myself learning things from the natives here. Their simplicity, their devotion to their work, and their child-like belief in their God, etc.
So a significant socio-economic gap can be a benefit and offer learning opportunities from an anthropological perspective. I suggest you focus on this, and try to enjoy spending time with the lower classes in their natural habitat.

Obviously you've never met an American Atheist? Or a religious European?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a European who married an American, so in terms of level of education, culture, and civilization there was a significant gap. It is hard sometimes, but I committed to my own personal "mission civilisatrice".
And I have actually even found myself learning things from the natives here. Their simplicity, their devotion to their work, and their child-like belief in their God, etc.
So a significant socio-economic gap can be a benefit and offer learning opportunities from an anthropological perspective. I suggest you focus on this, and try to enjoy spending time with the lower classes in their natural habitat.

LOL. You are funny. Why do you hate us so much? We give your countries so much money. Man, it's like you're just using us.

Yeah, I feel dirty now.

Anonymous wrote:I am a European who married an American, so in terms of level of education, culture, and civilization there was a significant gap. It is hard sometimes, but I committed to my own personal "mission civilisatrice".
And I have actually even found myself learning things from the natives here. Their simplicity, their devotion to their work, and their child-like belief in their God, etc.
So a significant socio-economic gap can be a benefit and offer learning opportunities from an anthropological perspective. I suggest you focus on this, and try to enjoy spending time with the lower classes in their natural habitat.

LOL. You are funny. Why do you hate us so much? We give your countries so much money. Man, it's like you're just using us.

I married out of my educational zone, I have a masters degree he does not have a bachelors though working towards it. We also are of different religions very different religions he is Muslim and I am just not anything. I would say we have more than our fair share of differences and many a time both of us wonder what we were thinking. I think the issue that hits both of us a lot is what we think is normal.

We need to understand what your issues are. In the absesence of something specific, it sounds like you are being a snob. Which is not that great in general, but really bad with your husband.

I am a European who married an American, so in terms of level of education, culture, and civilization there was a significant gap. It is hard sometimes, but I committed to my own personal "mission civilisatrice".
And I have actually even found myself learning things from the natives here. Their simplicity, their devotion to their work, and their child-like belief in their God, etc.
So a significant socio-economic gap can be a benefit and offer learning opportunities from an anthropological perspective. I suggest you focus on this, and try to enjoy spending time with the lower classes in their natural habitat.

Op has issues because the money isn't flowing like what she is used to. It's hard to adjust to that. Then its annoying if the person works hard but they don't seem ambitious enough. I don't have any suggestions because I struggle myself. Just be thankful for what you have and stop watching so much TV and surrounding yourself with messages that say things are "supposed" to be a certain way.

"I married DH because I love him, connect with him, and respect him, but I frequently have issues with his background and wish that I had married someone from the same sort of circumstances."

What are the issues? Do you not see eye-to-eye on major decisions? Does he lack a certain "cultural capital" you value? Do you wish he made more/contributed more financially? Without knowing the actual issues you are having, it is hard to respond.

Regardless, I agree with 23:13... seems like you are preoccupied with the "gap" for the gap's sake, but otherwise have no reason to complain.

Is the spouse from the lower SE class younger and hotter or smarter than the other spouse?

OP, I never ever thought of this issue until I read your question.

As I stroke DH's hair with him laying on my lap I type what he said "I think we married equal. Just look at what our moms wear and how their homes look like. I think we're all the same".

BTW, his family lives in Asia, my family lives in South America. Totally different cultures but it's true. Our moms and homes look exactly the same

I married outside my parents' SE class. Met a penniless immigrant in college, and told my disappoving parents where they could shove all their money.

Spouse worked hard in college and has achieved far beyond my parents, professionally. NOW there's some respect. It took years though, and putting my foot down a lot, in the face of their snootiness.

If you love him, connect with him, and respect him, then what's the hangup? Who cares about his background if you are right with who he is now?

Much like you OP I grew up a very privileged background. Everyone I knew went to college and usually had their masters at least. DH grew up in a very working class town. He says he remembers knowing from his earliest memories around age 5 that he was going to make it out of there. Most people there don't leave, including his 3 siblings. He worked very hard throughout hs to get a full scholarship to college, get a lot of play money from his aunt, joined a fraternity and saw his friends coming from a much better life. He knew he wanted that and was going to do anything to get it. I met him when he was already very established. He was friends with all people that grew up with a similar background to myself.

Sure there are some things that he looks at me like I am from another planet. Sometimes he can laugh about it, other times he seems horrified. When he left home about 20 years ago he really left that whole life behind and has very little interaction with his family still there because they have nothing in common. He considers his aunt his greatest inspiration (she made it out too and lives in Greenwich, CT) and she is more of a mother too him. So I don't really have to deal with the miserable sisters, who all resent me.

I have had some crazy stories happen though. When we got engaged and he bought me a 3 carat engagement ring, his mother asked if it was glass. When she found out that it was a diamond she went home, googled and approximate cost and decided if he had that type of money for a ring, she deserved some of it...

Long story short, I feel for you OP. I love my DH to death though and I think that our varied backgrounds will make our children more well rounded.

Yes. My DH is from "upper middle class" -- grew up in extremely wealthy NYC suburb. I grew up dirt poor and have a "very working class" family. He does not hold it against me.

I am educated and have a professional job, though, maybe that makes a difference? DH likes my family despite their hick accents, because they are good people. His family is great too and very welcoming to me. Though sometimes I get overwhelmed and we tiff about money, I am too frugal/conservative because I have known what is it to worry about making ends meet and he hasn't.

My family and extended family are fairly educated and "upper middle class." I married someone from a very working class background, with a very working class family, and DH has a good (stable) job but works in home renovation-type work.

I married DH because I love him, connect with him, and respect him, but I frequently have issues with his background and wish that I had married someone from the same sort of circumstances.

Is anyone else in a similar situation, and any advice you can offer?

Looking to hear some positive stories or advice - not looking to hear "yes and we just got divorced." I'm sure that happens but that's not useful for me now.

thanks