Anonymous
Post 06/22/2026 10:55     Subject: How much to expect from 3.5 year old?
1. Make a big deal about giving them a shoe horn as a gift and “ you are so big!”. Baby not allowed to touch shoe horn, it’s only for big kids.
2. Make comments about how baby can’t do it yet and sibling can teach them how.

My oldest had a great shoe horn from ikea, it was over 18” long and had a face on it. He was so proud - he took it everywhere for a while.

You could get one and paint a face on it together to personalize the gift.
Anonymous
Post 06/22/2026 10:54     Subject: Re:How much to expect from 3.5 year old?
Anonymous wrote:My 3.5 yo puts his dish in the sink, gets dressed, puts on shoes by himself each morning. We are working on adding him putting his water bottle and lunch in his backpack. He wakes up at different times and usually wants to play in the am. I set his timer (the visual one with colors from the love every kit) to show him how much time he has to play and also do his things. He is getting pretty consistent but it’s taken awhile and some days is still a struggle. I think he now understands a bit better that he gets to play more if he gets his tasks done faster. When he is resisted I usually try to have some motivation for the car ride- which is usually a promise to listen to a certain song or a toy coming in the car. I would agree he is capable and with consistency and proper motivation they can do it. Honestly getting out of the house is so much easier now. I try to think about what their teachers expect at school and keep it at a similar level. They can do so much more than we think they can!


How is this helpful?
Anonymous
Post 06/22/2026 10:37     Subject: Re:How much to expect from 3.5 year old?
Pp from 10:34

I don’t bring him his things to put on- we have a system so he knows where they are. I also don’t ask him twice. If I see he is getting short on time I will say
“Oh no only 3 minutes left and I need to get my water and my shoes. I hope I can be ready in time like - child’s name-“ I don’t want to make -child’s name- late for school today. And I praise him alot when he does it himself without a reminder.
Anonymous
Post 06/22/2026 10:34     Subject: Re:How much to expect from 3.5 year old?
My 3.5 yo puts his dish in the sink, gets dressed, puts on shoes by himself each morning. We are working on adding him putting his water bottle and lunch in his backpack. He wakes up at different times and usually wants to play in the am. I set his timer (the visual one with colors from the love every kit) to show him how much time he has to play and also do his things. He is getting pretty consistent but it’s taken awhile and some days is still a struggle. I think he now understands a bit better that he gets to play more if he gets his tasks done faster. When he is resisted I usually try to have some motivation for the car ride- which is usually a promise to listen to a certain song or a toy coming in the car. I would agree he is capable and with consistency and proper motivation they can do it. Honestly getting out of the house is so much easier now. I try to think about what their teachers expect at school and keep it at a similar level. They can do so much more than we think they can!
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2026 12:45     Subject: How much to expect from 3.5 year old?
You’re expecting too much. Plan to help with everything, but praise a LOT if they do it themself.
mpatterson
Post 06/20/2026 12:35     Subject: How much to expect from 3.5 year old?
By no means do I know what I'm doing, but I find that if I prepare my 3.5 yr old in advance what she needs to do --like I have to drop you off at daycare and leave quickly for work, so kiss mommy goodbye quickly --I find that she obliges instead of hangs onto me at drop off.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2026 06:04     Subject: How much to expect from 3.5 year old?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My 3.5 YO DD is capable of completing some basic morning routine tasks (ex: getting dressed, putting shoes on) but refuses to do these things by herself at least 75% of the time. For example, morning, I asked her to put her shoes on multiple times and even brought her shoes over to her. She refused to put them on by herself and insisted she needed help. (I was holding her younger sister, putting lunches in backpacks, and gathering things to load the car, so it obviously would have been difficult for me to drop everything to put her shoes on for her.) Is this normal 3 YO behavior? Is expecting her to complete a few steps of her morning routine independently asking too much of her? To be clear, I do not expect her to do these things on her own without prompting yet. And again - she knows how to put her shoes on. She just doesn’t want to do it by herself.

Any tips would be appreciated since it feels like it is taking us way longer to get out the door in the morning than it should.


She's spoiled and wants your attention. Tell her to put her shoes on and if she doesn't tell her she stays home while you go out. You only have to do this once and she will get the message.


She's not spoiled. She's just a kid on a busy morning. OP, I'd just put her shoes on for now, this isn't a battle worth it. I do think a visual schedule-which you can make and print easily for free-might be helpful, some kids like that. But I'd just plan on doing her shoes, I feel like my kids were more like 4 when they were independent with that.
Anonymous
Post 06/19/2026 21:43     Subject: How much to expect from 3.5 year old?
Anonymous wrote:My 3.5 YO DD is capable of completing some basic morning routine tasks (ex: getting dressed, putting shoes on) but refuses to do these things by herself at least 75% of the time. For example, morning, I asked her to put her shoes on multiple times and even brought her shoes over to her. She refused to put them on by herself and insisted she needed help. (I was holding her younger sister, putting lunches in backpacks, and gathering things to load the car, so it obviously would have been difficult for me to drop everything to put her shoes on for her.) Is this normal 3 YO behavior? Is expecting her to complete a few steps of her morning routine independently asking too much of her? To be clear, I do not expect her to do these things on her own without prompting yet. And again - she knows how to put her shoes on. She just doesn’t want to do it by herself.

Any tips would be appreciated since it feels like it is taking us way longer to get out the door in the morning than it should.


She's spoiled and wants your attention. Tell her to put her shoes on and if she doesn't tell her she stays home while you go out. You only have to do this once and she will get the message.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 10:30     Subject: How much to expect from 3.5 year old?
Anonymous wrote:My 3.5 YO DD is capable of completing some basic morning routine tasks (ex: getting dressed, putting shoes on) but refuses to do these things by herself at least 75% of the time. For example, morning, I asked her to put her shoes on multiple times and even brought her shoes over to her. She refused to put them on by herself and insisted she needed help. (I was holding her younger sister, putting lunches in backpacks, and gathering things to load the car, so it obviously would have been difficult for me to drop everything to put her shoes on for her.) Is this normal 3 YO behavior? Is expecting her to complete a few steps of her morning routine independently asking too much of her? To be clear, I do not expect her to do these things on her own without prompting yet. And again - she knows how to put her shoes on. She just doesn’t want to do it by herself.

Any tips would be appreciated since it feels like it is taking us way longer to get out the door in the morning than it should.


Does she have a visual checklist she can manually switch? That may provide incentive on some days where her functioning is higher. On lower days, its literally you saying with your actions...its okay to need help and mommy is here. If she isnt fighting the shoes then just meet her where she is that day. In the time you verbalized it multiple times and brought the shoes to her you could have just added 20 secs to get them on. Do you have 2-5 minutes of 1:1 snuggles or quiet time in the morning to spend with her? If not, consider adding that in.

I agree with the deliberate pushback being normal and its also normal to have "regressions" in doing things independently.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2026 08:07     Subject: How much to expect from 3.5 year old?
I think it would help to reframe the issue. You can have all the expectations in the world, but realistically, what is the alternative to helping her with her shoes? Yelling? Punishment if she doesn't put them on herself?

Certainly it would be ideal if she would put them on herself. But she won't. So the choice isn't between her putting her shoes on herself or you helping her; the choice is whether you help her or you start each day fighting her.
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2026 16:47     Subject: How much to expect from 3.5 year old?
This is very very normal. There's also some deliberate "I still need you" pushback from kids this age and even older.
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2026 16:46     Subject: How much to expect from 3.5 year old?
Totally normal. We moved through any tasks like putting on shoes much more quickly when I made it a race. Either racing me to get shoes on or timing DS to see how fast he could do it. He loved a challenge LOL.

Also works to use "when then" statements for getting thru tasks before doing something they want to do. "When you put on your shoes, then we can go to the park." (Obviously doesn't work when you need to get out the door to do something they don't want to do.) But you can also sweeten the deal sometimes by saying that you can stop for a muffin or something before school but only if she has her shoes on by x time.

etc etc etc. Basically, try to make the mundane more fun.
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2026 16:34     Subject: Re:How much to expect from 3.5 year old?
Lol she's three. You help her. Or maybe you're too busy with your new baby and the 3.5 year old is picking up on that?
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2026 15:31     Subject: How much to expect from 3.5 year old?
My 3.5 YO DD is capable of completing some basic morning routine tasks (ex: getting dressed, putting shoes on) but refuses to do these things by herself at least 75% of the time. For example, morning, I asked her to put her shoes on multiple times and even brought her shoes over to her. She refused to put them on by herself and insisted she needed help. (I was holding her younger sister, putting lunches in backpacks, and gathering things to load the car, so it obviously would have been difficult for me to drop everything to put her shoes on for her.) Is this normal 3 YO behavior? Is expecting her to complete a few steps of her morning routine independently asking too much of her? To be clear, I do not expect her to do these things on her own without prompting yet. And again - she knows how to put her shoes on. She just doesn’t want to do it by herself.

Any tips would be appreciated since it feels like it is taking us way longer to get out the door in the morning than it should.