You don’t have to convince adults to end annual gift exchange. Tell them individually or collectively that YOU are opting out of holiday/birthday gift giving starting this year. And, then do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes I would match it so that you are exchanging same amount gift cards. Gift giving to adults makes no sense but if this is what they do, then do the same. No one spends gift cards and no one will care about $50.

It is so so so stupid for adults to swap gift cards.
Doesn't anyone see the inanity of this?

How has nobody spoofed this insanity? Why do adults do this to themselves-literally exchanging $50. How about just a hug and some kind words.

+1. We stopped the Christmas gift card exchange.

I admit we sometimes still resort to gift cards for borthdays though. Like I try to find something thoughtful for my sisters and SIL, and last year succeeded as we were travelling somewhere with really nice handicrafts. But for BILs I literally have no idea what to get and usually just send a gift card.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes I would match it so that you are exchanging same amount gift cards. Gift giving to adults makes no sense but if this is what they do, then do the same. No one spends gift cards and no one will care about $50.

It is so so so stupid for adults to swap gift cards.
Doesn't anyone see the inanity of this?

How has nobody spoofed this insanity? Why do adults do this to themselves-literally exchanging $50. How about just a hug and some kind words.

Anonymous wrote:Yes I would match it so that you are exchanging same amount gift cards. Gift giving to adults makes no sense but if this is what they do, then do the same. No one spends gift cards and no one will care about $50.

It is so so so stupid for adults to swap gift cards.
Doesn't anyone see the inanity of this?

I would do what works long term. Start as you mean to go on.
I would do the same for everyone in your situation

Yes I would match it so that you are exchanging same amount gift cards. Gift giving to adults makes no sense but if this is what they do, then do the same. No one spends gift cards and no one will care about $50.

Our families have different views on gifting and honestly, keeping up was exhausting. The fun of giving gifts is giving people what you want them to have from you, not figuring out what you can buy that costs a particular sum of money. So I moved to giving everyone what we wanted to give them and not trying to match their gifts or match what we give the other side of the family.

The other thing is that I think exchanging gift cards is dumb. If everyone is giving everyone else $50, just keep your money.

their not there...clearly I need to get off here and go back to work

This is why I have a no gift policy.People get so upset over amounts. My oww family was crazy. My mother will still tell you about the cousin who only gave x amount to my brother for his wedding when she gave his son XX amount. So many stories and my inlaws are just as bad. When they ignored DH's no gift policy there gifts made it so obvious they had no clue who he was and they would waste money and then expect him to give them handouts. My MIL once threw an anniversary party and after it she just sat there opening gifts and criticizing each one.

The gift is joyful interaction, good food and good memories created. To anyone who ignores "no gift" policies, please respect people's wishes because that is a gift in and of itself.

I would not feel the need to match.The number of people involved is probably even different. I have 4 nieces. DH has none. He is fine giving to my nieces anyways.

It will never end if you don't act now. I'd give whatever amount you're comfortable with if I were you

I have been VERY generous with my family and friends over the years and felt very lonely when I had cancer. I regret giving that much now, I should have given lesser amounts and should have treated MYSELF to whatever pleases me.

For situations where two side of the families gift different amounts, what do you do- just give the same regardless or adjust to match what that side is doing? e.g., my side of the family has an unwritten rule that for birthdays/Christmas, we have a spending limit, say ~$50 per person. It was actually somewhat similar with ILs when DH and I got married, but now they started sending gift cards for twice that amount (so in this example, $100 per person). Would you match your spending accordingly? It seems weird to gift more to DH's family while spending the same on mine. FWIW, I'd like to move away from the adult sibling gift exchange altogether but haven't convinced the others yet.