Anonymous
06/10/2026 09:42
Subject: 8th grader DS closing out middle school with no friend group
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The high schools will start practices for all kinds of activities in early August. Don't be gone. Insist he try-out for something
This, don’t force friendship. Let it be natural, everyone will be in the same boat!
Not really in public school. Most kids already know all of the kids from their middle schools.
I agree about joining something right away. My kid played a spring sport and honestly, it was rough until then. Band, Cross country, theather, anything. Agree about doing the tryouts in August. It will help a lot.
Our public school had kids from 4 different middle schools, most of those middle schools also fed to other high schools. Lots of kids did not know a lot of kids.
Also there are lots of kids coming from private to public in high school (if relevant to your situation). My kid struck up a conversation with everyone who sat remotely near him during the first week of freshman year because he was over his previous friend group and wanted to start a totally new one. He became the axis of a new 15-ish person friend group of really nice guys. That group is still going strong three years later.
Now my kid admittedly can be a social butterfly, and even with that he found this difficult. But this is just encouragement that lots of kids might be looking for a change as they enter high school.
Anonymous
06/10/2026 09:13
Subject: 8th grader DS closing out middle school with no friend group
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The high schools will start practices for all kinds of activities in early August. Don't be gone. Insist he try-out for something
This, don’t force friendship. Let it be natural, everyone will be in the same boat!
Not really in public school. Most kids already know all of the kids from their middle schools.
I agree about joining something right away. My kid played a spring sport and honestly, it was rough until then. Band, Cross country, theather, anything. Agree about doing the tryouts in August. It will help a lot.
Our public school had kids from 4 different middle schools, most of those middle schools also fed to other high schools. Lots of kids did not know a lot of kids.
Our middle and high school borders are the same, no new kids. Still, with 600 kids a grade, both my kids made lots of new friends or became close with previous acquaintances. Definitely push him to do band/sports/theater etc to start off the year. Don’t let them say they will just join a club, even if specific. They can do that too but some are slow to get off the ground or just meet every few weeks, etc etc. Things like band and sports meet 5+ days a week for hours and hours. Perfect time to find new friends.
Anonymous
06/10/2026 09:08
Subject: 8th grader DS closing out middle school with no friend group
Going one step further re: August HS activities. Op, I think this is on you. Our HS had an Activities Office where you could walk-in and have some conversations. What activities need kids? What's the schedule? If kids didn't make the cut for something, find out what other activities need participants. It was a fluid process. Parents helped their kid along. For certain kids it would be important to do.
Anonymous
06/10/2026 08:58
Subject: 8th grader DS closing out middle school with no friend group
Anonymous wrote:Do you know what the issue(s) might be? Is he solid on the basics of socializing? Are his clothes/shoes/hair in line with what the other kids have? Hygiene attended to?
We all want the world to accept and include our kids but if something is separating them from the herd, you need to help him address it. Within reason and value limits, I believe it’s parents’ responsibility to help kids fit in during the tough middle years.
This. If he has friends but is losing them, there is a reason. Take a hard look at his electronics including messages he may be sending through the school apps. And see if you can observe him with his peers at school pickup. He may be doing something wrong without even realizing it.
It's also possible that he has somehow offended the girls or been off-putting without realizing it. This can make his friendships with other boys difficult because they do care what the girls think, at least the girls they socialize with.
Anonymous
06/10/2026 08:56
Subject: 8th grader DS closing out middle school with no friend group
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The high schools will start practices for all kinds of activities in early August. Don't be gone. Insist he try-out for something
This, don’t force friendship. Let it be natural, everyone will be in the same boat!
Not really in public school. Most kids already know all of the kids from their middle schools.
I agree about joining something right away. My kid played a spring sport and honestly, it was rough until then. Band, Cross country, theather, anything. Agree about doing the tryouts in August. It will help a lot.
Our public school had kids from 4 different middle schools, most of those middle schools also fed to other high schools. Lots of kids did not know a lot of kids.
Anonymous
06/10/2026 08:55
Subject: 8th grader DS closing out middle school with no friend group
Anonymous wrote:The high schools will start practices for all kinds of activities in early August. Don't be gone. Insist he try-out for something
This. Sign him up for marching band, or freshman football, or another fall sport. He will meet lots of other kids in August before school starts and make new friends.
Anonymous
06/10/2026 08:53
Subject: 8th grader DS closing out middle school with no friend group
Anonymous wrote:I'm just going to share this story in the hopes that it's somewhat helpful. It just happened yesterday.
DD is in 9th grade. There's a group of boys she's friends with who are somewhat cool. It's a long story, but the bottom line is the group of boys decided to all wear polos to school one day. Another kid, I'll call him "Larlo" also wore a polo and one of the cool kids said something to him like, "Ok but just so you know you're not in the group."
Knowing Larlo for years and that he's a sweet kid, this pissed me off. The de facto leader of the cool kids is my BFF's son "Zack". I don't know who made the comment, but I know it wasn't Zack because he would just never do something like that. But I asked my BFF to investigate if someone really did say something mean like that to Larlo.
Okay, here's where maybe some insight can be gained. Zack is such a nice kid, and never tries to hurt anyone. But when his mom brought this up to him, he completely unloaded about how incredibly annoyed he is by Larlo. That Larlo can "tease" people, make fun of them and it's "just a joke" but can never ever take anything back. Larlo will get upset and offended easily, when the way he treats others is worse than he is ever treated. Zack was raised right and would never be actually mean to Larlo or say that thing some other kid said to him about not being the group, but he understood where that kid was coming from. Zack was actually upset, kind of like it's emotional labor to make sure everyone is sensitive to Larlo's needs and it's really starting to get to him.
So while like I said Larlo is a nice kid I have known for years, it is also true that it is very easy to imagine that he would whine and be annoying and often play the victim. He's not a bad person- but- I can see him acting like this and other kids getting very annoyed. It's not like they are adults/teachers/parents or something, they are just kids, I am sure many of them feel like- who needs this?
I am not saying OP's kid or anyone else is necessarily like this. But I see posts like this often enough that I just want to stress that it's important to think about how your own kid may be acting. What might put other people off. It's so easy to paint other kids as mean and terrible (and not saying you are doing this OP. But we are all human. I probably would somewhat think that if my DC were in this sort of situation), but I usually find that social standing is not really an indicator of behavior and kindness. Some cool kids are jerks and some are nice. Same with less cool kids. To me, it's less about searching for nice kids (which obviously is helpful) and more about getting a better understanding of how to interact with your peers.
Alllll this to say-- OP, think about how your DS may be interacting with others. I totally agree with the advice to have him join new activities. Not only can he make friends that way, but if he finds things he is good at, he will gain confidence. Try to put him in low key camps or volunteering situations this summer. It's hard to force a group to hang out with out of a couple of 1:1 friendships that are already somewhat rocky. And back to my point, it's working on developing better relationships. It's not so much the initial connection that's the challenge- though it may feel that way.
Also - do you have family friends? Does he have cousins? My kids lean on those out of school groups (also friends from their theatre academy outside of school) during periods like this. Even siblings? Some forced summer sibling bonding never hurt anyone! There may be projects they can do together. I also really like the suggestion about HS having things going on in the summer. You or he can follow the instagram accounts of clubs and sports and see what's going on. Best of luck to him.
My God. No one can read all this sh@t!
Anonymous
06/10/2026 08:33
Subject: 8th grader DS closing out middle school with no friend group
I'm just going to share this story in the hopes that it's somewhat helpful. It just happened yesterday.
DD is in 9th grade. There's a group of boys she's friends with who are somewhat cool. It's a long story, but the bottom line is the group of boys decided to all wear polos to school one day. Another kid, I'll call him "Larlo" also wore a polo and one of the cool kids said something to him like, "Ok but just so you know you're not in the group."
Knowing Larlo for years and that he's a sweet kid, this pissed me off. The de facto leader of the cool kids is my BFF's son "Zack". I don't know who made the comment, but I know it wasn't Zack because he would just never do something like that. But I asked my BFF to investigate if someone really did say something mean like that to Larlo.
Okay, here's where maybe some insight can be gained. Zack is such a nice kid, and never tries to hurt anyone. But when his mom brought this up to him, he completely unloaded about how incredibly annoyed he is by Larlo. That Larlo can "tease" people, make fun of them and it's "just a joke" but can never ever take anything back. Larlo will get upset and offended easily, when the way he treats others is worse than he is ever treated. Zack was raised right and would never be actually mean to Larlo or say that thing some other kid said to him about not being the group, but he understood where that kid was coming from. Zack was actually upset, kind of like it's emotional labor to make sure everyone is sensitive to Larlo's needs and it's really starting to get to him.
So while like I said Larlo is a nice kid I have known for years, it is also true that it is very easy to imagine that he would whine and be annoying and often play the victim. He's not a bad person- but- I can see him acting like this and other kids getting very annoyed. It's not like they are adults/teachers/parents or something, they are just kids, I am sure many of them feel like- who needs this?
I am not saying OP's kid or anyone else is necessarily like this. But I see posts like this often enough that I just want to stress that it's important to think about how your own kid may be acting. What might put other people off. It's so easy to paint other kids as mean and terrible (and not saying you are doing this OP. But we are all human. I probably would somewhat think that if my DC were in this sort of situation), but I usually find that social standing is not really an indicator of behavior and kindness. Some cool kids are jerks and some are nice. Same with less cool kids. To me, it's less about searching for nice kids (which obviously is helpful) and more about getting a better understanding of how to interact with your peers.
Alllll this to say-- OP, think about how your DS may be interacting with others. I totally agree with the advice to have him join new activities. Not only can he make friends that way, but if he finds things he is good at, he will gain confidence. Try to put him in low key camps or volunteering situations this summer. It's hard to force a group to hang out with out of a couple of 1:1 friendships that are already somewhat rocky. And back to my point, it's working on developing better relationships. It's not so much the initial connection that's the challenge- though it may feel that way.
Also - do you have family friends? Does he have cousins? My kids lean on those out of school groups (also friends from their theatre academy outside of school) during periods like this. Even siblings? Some forced summer sibling bonding never hurt anyone! There may be projects they can do together. I also really like the suggestion about HS having things going on in the summer. You or he can follow the instagram accounts of clubs and sports and see what's going on. Best of luck to him.
DD is in 9th grade. There's a group of boys she's friends with who are somewhat cool. It's a long story, but the bottom line is the group of boys decided to all wear polos to school one day. Another kid, I'll call him "Larlo" also wore a polo and one of the cool kids said something to him like, "Ok but just so you know you're not in the group."
Knowing Larlo for years and that he's a sweet kid, this pissed me off. The de facto leader of the cool kids is my BFF's son "Zack". I don't know who made the comment, but I know it wasn't Zack because he would just never do something like that. But I asked my BFF to investigate if someone really did say something mean like that to Larlo.
Okay, here's where maybe some insight can be gained. Zack is such a nice kid, and never tries to hurt anyone. But when his mom brought this up to him, he completely unloaded about how incredibly annoyed he is by Larlo. That Larlo can "tease" people, make fun of them and it's "just a joke" but can never ever take anything back. Larlo will get upset and offended easily, when the way he treats others is worse than he is ever treated. Zack was raised right and would never be actually mean to Larlo or say that thing some other kid said to him about not being the group, but he understood where that kid was coming from. Zack was actually upset, kind of like it's emotional labor to make sure everyone is sensitive to Larlo's needs and it's really starting to get to him.
So while like I said Larlo is a nice kid I have known for years, it is also true that it is very easy to imagine that he would whine and be annoying and often play the victim. He's not a bad person- but- I can see him acting like this and other kids getting very annoyed. It's not like they are adults/teachers/parents or something, they are just kids, I am sure many of them feel like- who needs this?
I am not saying OP's kid or anyone else is necessarily like this. But I see posts like this often enough that I just want to stress that it's important to think about how your own kid may be acting. What might put other people off. It's so easy to paint other kids as mean and terrible (and not saying you are doing this OP. But we are all human. I probably would somewhat think that if my DC were in this sort of situation), but I usually find that social standing is not really an indicator of behavior and kindness. Some cool kids are jerks and some are nice. Same with less cool kids. To me, it's less about searching for nice kids (which obviously is helpful) and more about getting a better understanding of how to interact with your peers.
Alllll this to say-- OP, think about how your DS may be interacting with others. I totally agree with the advice to have him join new activities. Not only can he make friends that way, but if he finds things he is good at, he will gain confidence. Try to put him in low key camps or volunteering situations this summer. It's hard to force a group to hang out with out of a couple of 1:1 friendships that are already somewhat rocky. And back to my point, it's working on developing better relationships. It's not so much the initial connection that's the challenge- though it may feel that way.
Also - do you have family friends? Does he have cousins? My kids lean on those out of school groups (also friends from their theatre academy outside of school) during periods like this. Even siblings? Some forced summer sibling bonding never hurt anyone! There may be projects they can do together. I also really like the suggestion about HS having things going on in the summer. You or he can follow the instagram accounts of clubs and sports and see what's going on. Best of luck to him.
Anonymous
06/10/2026 08:18
Subject: 8th grader DS closing out middle school with no friend group
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The high schools will start practices for all kinds of activities in early August. Don't be gone. Insist he try-out for something
This, don’t force friendship. Let it be natural, everyone will be in the same boat!
Not really in public school. Most kids already know all of the kids from their middle schools.
I agree about joining something right away. My kid played a spring sport and honestly, it was rough until then. Band, Cross country, theather, anything. Agree about doing the tryouts in August. It will help a lot.
Anonymous
06/10/2026 08:14
Subject: 8th grader DS closing out middle school with no friend group
Do you know what the issue(s) might be? Is he solid on the basics of socializing? Are his clothes/shoes/hair in line with what the other kids have? Hygiene attended to?
We all want the world to accept and include our kids but if something is separating them from the herd, you need to help him address it. Within reason and value limits, I believe it’s parents’ responsibility to help kids fit in during the tough middle years.
We all want the world to accept and include our kids but if something is separating them from the herd, you need to help him address it. Within reason and value limits, I believe it’s parents’ responsibility to help kids fit in during the tough middle years.
Anonymous
06/10/2026 08:10
Subject: 8th grader DS closing out middle school with no friend group
Anonymous wrote:The high schools will start practices for all kinds of activities in early August. Don't be gone. Insist he try-out for something
This, don’t force friendship. Let it be natural, everyone will be in the same boat!
Anonymous
06/10/2026 08:07
Subject: 8th grader DS closing out middle school with no friend group
In a lot of schools cross-country is a no cut sport that starts practices a couple of weeks before school goes back. Have him start running this summer and join cross country. It’s a good way to start school knowing a bunch of kids already.
Anonymous
06/10/2026 08:04
Subject: 8th grader DS closing out middle school with no friend group
The high schools will start practices for all kinds of activities in early August. Don't be gone. Insist he try-out for something
Anonymous
06/10/2026 07:54
Subject: 8th grader DS closing out middle school with no friend group
Both my kids has strong friend groups in 7th grade and they completely changed in 8th. And then completely did again more than once in HS.
My advice would be to encourage him to join something, anything, asap at the start of HS instead of trying to maintain those middle school friendships.
Is he into sports, theater, robotics or band? The HS might have some things going on in the summer to get ready and it’s a good way to meet people. I’d start looking ahead and there.
My advice would be to encourage him to join something, anything, asap at the start of HS instead of trying to maintain those middle school friendships.
Is he into sports, theater, robotics or band? The HS might have some things going on in the summer to get ready and it’s a good way to meet people. I’d start looking ahead and there.
Anonymous
06/10/2026 07:46
Subject: 8th grader DS closing out middle school with no friend group
Title pretty much says it. 8th grade DS really does not have a "friend group" he was at the edges of a loose one but it's pretty clear most of the guys there no longer want to associate with him. One guy that he felt closest to kept pushing off plans and now there was an outright slight/nasty comment on social media.
Socially, there was a series of "why middle school sucks" examples.
Outside of that group he has a close (I think) friend who he made in elementary but they are in somewhat different social groups (through activities / family connections the friend is often with more popular kids) and mainly hung out 1:1 at random times. I am not sure if this friend sees my DS as a "secret" friend.
DS has another friend from childhood (went to school together until 2nd grade/start of Covid). They became really close over zoom and was his main person to meet up with as thing eased up. Even now, they remain(ed) in touch, seeing each other at least a few times a year. However we have been the ones to initiate all of the recent plans, and it's now been months since they got together. I am torn whether it makes sense for DS to reach out or if this might be another slow fade. I almost wish I could ask the mom if her son wants to remain friends with DS (of course, I can't).
Both of these guys will be going to his high school.
Personally I am less focused on friend groups and both DH are not really in one; have more independent friendships. I know this dynamic modeled behavior is not helping. However, I know how important a friend group is in high school.
DS will largely be around town this summer a short program/camp on his own and family travel and I know he wants the basics of just being able to hang out and for it to not feel like a Major big deal to go to the shopping area/mall, pool etc...he just wants that to be an ordinary normal thing and it seems unlikely that will happen.
Socially, there was a series of "why middle school sucks" examples.
Outside of that group he has a close (I think) friend who he made in elementary but they are in somewhat different social groups (through activities / family connections the friend is often with more popular kids) and mainly hung out 1:1 at random times. I am not sure if this friend sees my DS as a "secret" friend.
DS has another friend from childhood (went to school together until 2nd grade/start of Covid). They became really close over zoom and was his main person to meet up with as thing eased up. Even now, they remain(ed) in touch, seeing each other at least a few times a year. However we have been the ones to initiate all of the recent plans, and it's now been months since they got together. I am torn whether it makes sense for DS to reach out or if this might be another slow fade. I almost wish I could ask the mom if her son wants to remain friends with DS (of course, I can't).
Both of these guys will be going to his high school.
Personally I am less focused on friend groups and both DH are not really in one; have more independent friendships. I know this dynamic modeled behavior is not helping. However, I know how important a friend group is in high school.
DS will largely be around town this summer a short program/camp on his own and family travel and I know he wants the basics of just being able to hang out and for it to not feel like a Major big deal to go to the shopping area/mall, pool etc...he just wants that to be an ordinary normal thing and it seems unlikely that will happen.