Why didn’t you just mention it to them and let them make make the decision?

PP here. OP is definitely in the wrong along with her husband. You can't only invite one set of grandparents to a kid's 7th birthday party. You invite both, knowing full well the ILs can't attend, and when they tell you that they can't you say "obviously we understand and it's perfectly ok, we will do something special when we see you next week."

How hard is that?

OP just hates her ILs.

Anonymous wrote:I think all these folks piling on you are a bit nuts, as we live here and we never really thought about asking my parents in NY to come down for every event. However, next time be smart and head it off at the pass and ahead of time and prime the pump and say “and let’s do something special for Larla’s birthday when we’re up there that weekend”. So they know they get to celebrate the birthday.

And yes, they have to realize that the grandparents down the street are going to see these kids more. If they’re that put out, are they going to drive in every time you need an emergency babysitter? Your parents get that “honor”. I didn’t think so.

So, let me get this straight. Because you choose not to invite your out of state parents to "every event" you think it's fine for OP not to invite her inlaws but her own parents to what most would consider an important event--a grandchild's birthday party? ok . . .

NOPE

Nta. Let you husband deal

I think all these folks piling on you are a bit nuts, as we live here and we never really thought about asking my parents in NY to come down for every event. However, next time be smart and head it off at the pass and ahead of time and prime the pump and say “and let’s do something special for Larla’s birthday when we’re up there that weekend”. So they know they get to celebrate the birthday.

And yes, they have to realize that the grandparents down the street are going to see these kids more. If they’re that put out, are they going to drive in every time you need an emergency babysitter? Your parents get that “honor”. I didn’t think so.

For a child, some parents have a friend party AND a family party. If you want to combine these parties, then you should have invited your in laws. You know how they are— they want to be included. Instead, you assumed they would celebrate your child with a cake when you visited in a few weeks. Your MIL seems to be keeping track of your parent’s involvement in your child. Either invite them or don’t talk about it/ post online etc.

*hurt feelings

Sounds like this was a joint decision with your DH, so if MIL is upset I would just refer her back to her son who can explain. And going forward if there is something you are inviting your parents to, say to DH "go ahead and invite your parents if you want to". If he doesn't then she can take up her shirt feelings with him.

You were wrong and should have invited them, even if they say no.

Don’t understand why you wouldn’t just invite them and let them make a decision about whether to come or not. I understand why they’d be offended and surprised DH doesn’t care.

Well the burden is on them to travel so I don't see why you couldn't invite them, unless they are then saying they would sleep over at your place.

I don't know why you told them your parents were there. Obviously it'll hurt their feelings. Why do that?

I think it would be nice to invite both sets of parents to these sorts of things.

It's normal for THEM. Be lucky you have grandparents that care. Just invite them. They feel left out. I only have sons so I'm used to taking the backseat. It's ok but it still stings a little.

My daughter just turned 7. We had a birthday party with all her friends as she requested. My in laws live 4 hours away, we had already made plans to visit my in laws and extended family the weekend after her birthday party for a bridal shower so we did not invite my husbands family. We figured we would come early and spend a long weekend with everyone and celebrate my daughter with cake/etc.
My parents/siblings are local so we invited them. My nieces are around the same ages as my daughter and really wanted them there (nieces on my husband side are much younger).

My MIL is so offended she was not invited to her birthday and my parents/family were. Am i crazy for thinking this is absolutely out of line?! Despite the distance we see my ILs pretty often (at least one weekend a month).

I’m so tired of feeling guilty about inviting my parents to anything since they are local. My ILs live near their other grandchildren and kids so it’s not like they are alone. The other day we got a babysitter when my parents weren’t available and my MIL was upset because we didn’t ask her to come down and babysit. Is this normal?’