Anonymous
Post 06/05/2026 16:03     Subject: Paying for a second or third tier college
Anonymous wrote:You are going to need to treat the kids the same. One of them got private tuition, the other should get it as well. That doesn't mean you don't have a conversation with them about finances and why you prefer they choose public. But I think you have to be fair.

I like the idea of offering pub school + giving them 200k at the end of it. But you didn't offer that to kid #1, so I'd take that off the table. Be fair.


+ 1 Just spend a minute imagining the conversation you are going to have to have with your younger child. Can you explain your rationale without making them believe that you think their older sibling is smarter, better and more deserving than they are?
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2026 15:58     Subject: Paying for a second or third tier college
That works only if the state school has a good reputation for that specific major, OP. My kid is in International Affairs. At UMD, where he was accepted, he would have had to cobble together the classes he wanted. He went to GWU instead, which is known for IA. We can afford it.

Anonymous
Post 06/05/2026 15:55     Subject: Paying for a second or third tier college
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I've always thought that I'd pay for a top tier school or state school, nothing in between. My first got into and attends a top tier school but my second will almost certainly not get into one, yet is interested in a number of second tier schools that have the same hefty price tag. Would you force your kid to attend a state school if they didn't get into a top tier school? With great sacrifice, we can afford to pay the second or third tier price tag but I can't help but think my kid would be better off at a state school and with ~200k (the likely cost difference) in a long-term investment.


This is hard as you invested X in first kid who had the advantage of an easier admission cycle. Do you just want to spend less on the second kid if it’s not top 10? Is your state school in the top 10 or 20?

Would you make the investments equal? Ie put the 200 K immediately into a trust or 529 for graduate school for your second? Or would you redo your kitchen or give it to your first kid for a house down payment?


I understand your point. We did not offer kid #1 the state school+200k option. I doubt he would have taken it but we didn't offer that, so I can see how that could create bad feelings, in addition to the bad feelings kid #2 could have if we went through with this scenario because kid #1 got their choice of school. I just think most non-top tier colleges are a terrible investment (and arguably so are some of the top tier ones) when you can get a good education at state schools but I do understand what you are saying.


Stop thinking about it as ROI. It isn't trade school.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2026 15:54     Subject: Paying for a second or third tier college
You are going to need to treat the kids the same. One of them got private tuition, the other should get it as well. That doesn't mean you don't have a conversation with them about finances and why you prefer they choose public. But I think you have to be fair.

I like the idea of offering pub school + giving them 200k at the end of it. But you didn't offer that to kid #1, so I'd take that off the table. Be fair.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2026 15:52     Subject: Paying for a second or third tier college
Anonymous wrote:Why would they be better off at a state school?


They wouldn't. OP's wallet would be better off.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2026 15:52     Subject: Paying for a second or third tier college
It all depends.
If the school is in Boston, Chicago, or New York and I can afford it, I'll let my kids go.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2026 15:45     Subject: Paying for a second or third tier college
I would parent your children as individuals vs trying for a one size fits all approach.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2026 15:44     Subject: Paying for a second or third tier college
Anonymous wrote:I've always thought that I'd pay for a top tier school or state school, nothing in between. My first got into and attends a top tier school but my second will almost certainly not get into one, yet is interested in a number of second tier schools that have the same hefty price tag. Would you force your kid to attend a state school if they didn't get into a top tier school? With great sacrifice, we can afford to pay the second or third tier price tag but I can't help but think my kid would be better off at a state school and with ~200k (the likely cost difference) in a long-term investment.


State school how is this even a question

Parents who send their kid OOS to places like Alabama or SC are idiots financially I say this as a person who could afford to send my kid anywhere

Teach your kids financial literacy
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2026 15:44     Subject: Paying for a second or third tier college
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I've always thought that I'd pay for a top tier school or state school, nothing in between. My first got into and attends a top tier school but my second will almost certainly not get into one, yet is interested in a number of second tier schools that have the same hefty price tag. Would you force your kid to attend a state school if they didn't get into a top tier school? With great sacrifice, we can afford to pay the second or third tier price tag but I can't help but think my kid would be better off at a state school and with ~200k (the likely cost difference) in a long-term investment.


This is hard as you invested X in first kid who had the advantage of an easier admission cycle. Do you just want to spend less on the second kid if it’s not top 10? Is your state school in the top 10 or 20?

Would you make the investments equal? Ie put the 200 K immediately into a trust or 529 for graduate school for your second? Or would you redo your kitchen or give it to your first kid for a house down payment?


I understand your point. We did not offer kid #1 the state school+200k option. I doubt he would have taken it but we didn't offer that, so I can see how that could create bad feelings, in addition to the bad feelings kid #2 could have if we went through with this scenario because kid #1 got their choice of school. I just think most non-top tier colleges are a terrible investment (and arguably so are some of the top tier ones) when you can get a good education at state schools but I do understand what you are saying.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2026 15:43     Subject: Paying for a second or third tier college
Why would they be better off at a state school?
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2026 15:42     Subject: Paying for a second or third tier college
A lot of second and third tier schools don’t really cost that much. They give merit to nearly everyone they admit. Just don’t tie your hands by applying ED (unless it’s to one of the ones that guarantees merit to ED applicants).
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2026 15:42     Subject: Paying for a second or third tier college
Anonymous wrote:I've always thought that I'd pay for a top tier school or state school, nothing in between. My first got into and attends a top tier school but my second will almost certainly not get into one, yet is interested in a number of second tier schools that have the same hefty price tag. Would you force your kid to attend a state school if they didn't get into a top tier school? With great sacrifice, we can afford to pay the second or third tier price tag but I can't help but think my kid would be better off at a state school and with ~200k (the likely cost difference) in a long-term investment.


This is hard as you invested X in first kid who had the advantage of an easier admission cycle. Do you just want to spend less on the second kid if it’s not top 10? Is your state school in the top 10 or 20?

Would you make the investments equal? Ie put the 200 K immediately into a trust or 529 for graduate school for your second? Or would you redo your kitchen or give it to your first kid for a house down payment?
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2026 15:41     Subject: Paying for a second or third tier college
If the kid agrees to go to a state school, I bet you will not save the $200k in a “long term “ investment.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2026 15:38     Subject: Paying for a second or third tier college
Do that but do not be surprised when your kid wants nothing to do with you after they graduate.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2026 15:35     Subject: Paying for a second or third tier college
I've always thought that I'd pay for a top tier school or state school, nothing in between. My first got into and attends a top tier school but my second will almost certainly not get into one, yet is interested in a number of second tier schools that have the same hefty price tag. Would you force your kid to attend a state school if they didn't get into a top tier school? With great sacrifice, we can afford to pay the second or third tier price tag but I can't help but think my kid would be better off at a state school and with ~200k (the likely cost difference) in a long-term investment.