Suggest to him that he go to the bathroom and wash his hands. That sounds "normal" plus he can run water over the insides of his wrists which is calming.

Anonymous wrote:My kid is the same. He gets excluded easily, frequently gets targeted and roasted and does not know have comebacks and finally gets angry and is laughed at because of that. I feel sad, frustrated, angry all at the same time as I don’t know what to do. I wish I could pull him out of public school and either send him to a small school that will not tolerate bullying or just homeschool. DH feels we should not shelter him and he needs to learn to handle it but I am not sure why kids should go through so much.

I could have written this! Im glad to hear there are others. It feels very lonely.

My kid is the same. He gets excluded easily, frequently gets targeted and roasted and does not know have comebacks and finally gets angry and is laughed at because of that. I feel sad, frustrated, angry all at the same time as I don’t know what to do. I wish I could pull him out of public school and either send him to a small school that will not tolerate bullying or just homeschool. DH feels we should not shelter him and he needs to learn to handle it but I am not sure why kids should go through so much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like anxiety and trouble with emotional regulation. Not saying this is the case with your kid but in my kid this is how his adhd presented - trouble with friendships and getting overly worked up about disagreements and rules and whatnot

This is my adhd 10 year old too. He just does not seem to understand the roasting and the gloating. He takes it personally and then other kids notice that and tease him more. It is so hard. I was just telling my husband I think he's cycled through all the options for friends at school. I hope a summer break may create a reset.

He’s a dork just wait until he’s in high school

This is PP and yeah he is kind of a dork but honestly the kids who roast are also dorks! I mean he cant even keep dorky friends! They are all so competitive with each other, even the nerdy boys arent friendly. I hope they ALL grow out of it soon, its exhausting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like anxiety and trouble with emotional regulation. Not saying this is the case with your kid but in my kid this is how his adhd presented - trouble with friendships and getting overly worked up about disagreements and rules and whatnot

This is my adhd 10 year old too. He just does not seem to understand the roasting and the gloating. He takes it personally and then other kids notice that and tease him more. It is so hard. I was just telling my husband I think he's cycled through all the options for friends at school. I hope a summer break may create a reset.

He’s a dork just wait until he’s in high school

Anonymous wrote:No advice but following. Have a sensitive 9 year old who is similar -- struggles with conflict and runs away when it feels like others don't agree. Really down on school right now, doesn't feel like they have any friends or just feels on the outside of all the friend group.s

It's hard to tell how much of this is developmentally normal versus whether I should worry. Our kid seems to do okay outside of school -- seems to make fast friends in other activities and is great with cousins. But it's not translating at school where the social side has been really tough.

I do think parents still play a part socially at this grade. We don’t really do playdate anymore but it’s very common for a mom to text a group of 5-10 moms and say Larlo wants to meet up at the pool, playground to toss around the football or play wiffle ball, etc. I’m going to bring gatorades and chips. Some moms stay. Some drop off. Some kids ride their bikes. We get a few texts like this a week for my son who is the same age. If you’re not on a group like this start one and be inclusive and say feel free to let other moms know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like anxiety and trouble with emotional regulation. Not saying this is the case with your kid but in my kid this is how his adhd presented - trouble with friendships and getting overly worked up about disagreements and rules and whatnot

This is my adhd 10 year old too. He just does not seem to understand the roasting and the gloating. He takes it personally and then other kids notice that and tease him more. It is so hard. I was just telling my husband I think he's cycled through all the options for friends at school. I hope a summer break may create a reset.

NP. I know it's normalized but honestly, the roasting and gloating is awful. In other cultures or education systems, it wouldn't be tolerated the way it is in American public schools and by American parents who think "this is just how boys are."

I wouldn't pathologize a kid who doesn't get it. I'd try to see it from his perspective, even validate the feelings of frustration, and then work to find strategies that can help him deal with this frankly unfortunate aspect of kid culture here.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like anxiety and trouble with emotional regulation. Not saying this is the case with your kid but in my kid this is how his adhd presented - trouble with friendships and getting overly worked up about disagreements and rules and whatnot

This is my adhd 10 year old too. He just does not seem to understand the roasting and the gloating. He takes it personally and then other kids notice that and tease him more. It is so hard. I was just telling my husband I think he's cycled through all the options for friends at school. I hope a summer break may create a reset.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like anxiety and trouble with emotional regulation. Not saying this is the case with your kid but in my kid this is how his adhd presented - trouble with friendships and getting overly worked up about disagreements and rules and whatnot

OP here, yes...this is it. Disagreements...yes. Typical 10 year old boy "roasting"...yes. Friends who gloat after winning a game or whatever...yes. I have not seen evidence of legitimate bullying, though.

It sounds like anxiety and trouble with emotional regulation. Not saying this is the case with your kid but in my kid this is how his adhd presented - trouble with friendships and getting overly worked up about disagreements and rules and whatnot

I have a 10 year old son as well. I wish he is a bit more sensitive and less clueless. When he is at birthday party, I have caught him often playing with strangers or self instead of groups of invited guests from the party (all kids are from his school). His answer is because he only plays at stations that is most fun to him. He is a bit more centered and mostly cares about his self happiness. Most boys follow and surround the birthday boy to play because it is that birthday boy party.

" Bullied" is a strong word. OP, please figure out why he says that, physically bullied, verbally bullied, mentally bullied, teasing, calling him names, ignoring him or excluding him etc.. If he is invited to birthday party, he must be friend with the birthday kid, isn't it? Rarely 10 year old does full class birthday party these days. My son has low EQ in my eyes, but I find many boys are like that from his school.

Have you ruled out anxiety as a potential concern?

Has he explained how he was bullied at the birthday party? Do you agree with his assessment?

No advice but following. Have a sensitive 9 year old who is similar -- struggles with conflict and runs away when it feels like others don't agree. Really down on school right now, doesn't feel like they have any friends or just feels on the outside of all the friend group.s

It's hard to tell how much of this is developmentally normal versus whether I should worry. Our kid seems to do okay outside of school -- seems to make fast friends in other activities and is great with cousins. But it's not translating at school where the social side has been really tough.

My son is 10 and has always been a sensitive kid, but I have noticed he is being more "short" and emotional lately, especially with friend circle encounters. He’s twice now at birthday parties told me he “hid” because he was being bullied. With more conversation it seems like it surrounded a difference of opinion.

He also seems acutely aware of the shift within his classmates, things like hearing his friends have crushes and other things along that line. He seems bothered by it. Maybe just noticing the change in behaviors.

He's brought up concerns that he won’t pass fourth grade. (Not a concern.) Also that some friends may not return to his elementary in the fall for 5th.

How can I best steer this? I tried to have a chat regarding the hiding and that this isn’t the best way to navigate a situation. It may backfire and bring unwanted attention. I've always encouraged stepping away to take a breath but this is a little too much.