It was horrible. I was certainly not "content."

I never told my mother. I was ashamed.

I remembering avoiding the 10th grade class trip Wildwood (high school was in NJ) because I didn't want to sit on the bus alone or hang out alone once I was there.

I didn’t even feel like I could sit alone without being harassed / bullied - I hid in the bathroom and ate lunch on the toilet. That was for all of 7th grade and at least part of 8th grade.

And for the record I’m now a totally social, successful, attractive, happily married woman. Although I wouldn’t wish what I experienced on anyone, I do think it ultimately made me a kinder person. I’m always looking out for someone who seems like they don’t feel like they fit in, and try to find ways to embrace them.

I often sat by myself, when my small group of friends were not available, and it was fine, OP. My kids too. We're introverted and socially anxious people. Our own company is often quite sufficient.

My middle school kid eats alone every day in the library and it pulls at my heart strings because I would have felt really sad in that situation. She says it's better this way because she can decompress and it's quieter than the cafeteria. But still I wonder...

Very much relate to your question.

I do worry about starting a habit of rejecting people to avoid being rejected, like a pp mentions.

By middle school I was already leaning out... I'd sit at the assigned class table but not really engage with anyone. I'd look for volunteer opportunities in the office I could do during lunch. When I started high school I just didn't go to lunch at all and went to the library to do homework, which was great because I felt like I was gaining personal time after school (that I would spend alone in my room). I didn't feel rejected, more like I was rejecting people before they had a chance to reject me, and I'm still pretty avoidant, so I'm not saying it was a good thing, but I was happy with the arrangement at the time. I truly didn't feel bad about it and if my mom had started freaking out and trying to make the school find people to sit with me, that would have been upsetting.

Anonymous wrote:It wasn't great, but it was better than when teachers would try to force other kids to sit with me.

In fourth grade, I sat at the table with the teaching assistants. That was probably the low point. Sitting by myself was fine.

I sat alone at lunch every day my senior year of high school after my friends sat me down and told me that they didn’t want to be friends with me anymore.

It sucked. This was before phones. All I had was a book, so I would bring a book to lunch every day and read. One day I forgot my book so I tried to hide in the bathroom but I got caught and suspended.

There’s a huge difference between a loner and a loser, and I was definitely a loser.

It wasn't great, but it was better than when teachers would try to force other kids to sit with me.

I couldn't relate to those kids with lives that seemed so fun and put together, so it was fine.

Gosh that is hard, I am sorry OP - for both of you because I know how that hurts hearing as a parent. I would personally be super triggered because I ate alone in middle school when I was ostracized for years for who knows what mean girl reason. I would hide in a bathroom stall or under the stairs so no one would see me being alone. It wasn't so much the eating alone that bothered me - it was more the shame and embarrassment I knew I would feel if my peers saw me eating alone so I had to hide it. If he doesn't feel the need to hide it that's great. I actually to this day love eating alone as an adult so who knows why that is psychologically. I also have a very active and full social life and college was an amazing socially full experience for me. I wish my parents had tried to move to me a better social situation when I was younger when I so clearly was unhappy. Oh well. You sound like a good mom.

I really struggled with understanding social cues -- didn't detect sarcasm, couldn't tell when a question was rhetorical. in some ways being alone was easier. watching these unscripted conversations 'in the wild' and trying to participate during lunch was really hard. Like speaking a foreign language hard. I too eventually found my people -- fellow nerds and academics who cut you a little slack when you answer the rhetorical question or whatever. The rare times I did sit with others I was extremely exhausted afterwards.

I was that kid. Sometimes, I'd have friends to sit with, sometimes I'd read a book, either way was fine. To this day, I have a low need for social contact.

I have many terrible lunch memories. Both of these are from middle school:

1. Sitting at a table all year with girls who didn't like me and openly discussed plans and parties I wasn't invited to.
2. Having no one to sit with and being in a panic to get one of limited library passes to not have to stay in the lunch room during lunch.

I am fully functional and thriving adult with a lot of friends and a great social life.

No, it is not a great feeling. But I also consider these things somewhat formative in a positive way. It really helps anyone develop empathy and an awareness of others. To this day, I'm the type of person who is always aware of someone standing just outside the circle or standing alone and will be friendly and inclusive.

Finding out from the teacher that my 11yo 5th grade child spent the entire year eating lunch alone is tearing at my heart. He would always say lunch was good and never mention that he was alone at the table he sat at. When I found out and asked him, he says that he was fine and didn’t need company. I wish someone would have encouraged other kids to sit with him.

I worry that I may be feeling this more deeply as I was a severely depressed teenager who made multiple attempts so this worries me that he could end up like I did. I also do not want to place unrelated pressure onto him as I was also in a different setting, neighborhood, and life circumstance. So I’m torn on how to approach this but he will also be going to middle school next year.

If you sat alone at lunch in school, did you feel like it caused you sadness or were you truly content?