Anonymous wrote:You’re trying to make the best choice, but you don’t need to make the best choice.

Just make a choice, and then make the best of it. That approach, and not the school itself, is what will make the best elementary school experience for your child.

And don’t worry about the long run. Hardy/MacArthur vs Deal/JR doesn’t matter. My kid, who is now a senior, has friends who did both. Also friends who went to Oyster and EH and SH, friends who went to charters and application schools, friends who went private, and friends who moved away. And even though some of them had some bumps along the way, all of them are now doing fine. Among all of these perfectly fine schools, what really matters is not which school, but making the most of the school where you find yourself.

I just posted at 13:54 and will also echo the bolded. Things in school systems change SO MUCH between preschool and middle school. When my oldest child was in preschool, the conventional wisdom was still that moving to MCPS was the way to protect your kids from a terrible educational experience. My understanding from many of my former DCPS peers who moved to Bethesda is that their kids' experiences have not been amazing, the classes are packed, and the district has been a nightmare during and since the pandemic. I would personally have regretted moving to Bethesda for that. YMMV.

We live out of the area now, but I remember the stress of the lottery so clearly. My oldest child was born in 2010, which gave us a year where every charter had its own lottery as well as all the DCPS, when OOB admissions were a lot more reliable all over the city, when people did a lot of shuffling in September and even October.

It created such an atmosphere of "is this the BEST choice" that it made people with really great options (as you sound like you have) really stress over which best option was BEST.

In reality, the best choice for your child is probably that you pick one of these 4 strong schools and then stop choosing. Don't enter the lottery for that child again unless there is a PROBLEM at school.

The "trading up" mindset is absolutely toxic and when I think of the DCPS lottery, that's what I think of. A lot of kids would have benefited more from the stability of staying in the one school for PK3-5th grade rather than attending 3 schools between August and November of PK3 and then 2 other schools before middle school due to lottery "winning."

FWIW I do not agree with the people telling you life can get a lot worse. I don't think that's the reason to try to chill out about this. Your life could stay just like this and you could face no additional adversity except that your kids get older and their issues become a more complex, which is normal. But you don't want to be the person super anxious about all of these things. I know those parents and they are just hand wringing all the time. It's going to stress your kids out and take a toll on the rest of your life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will give it to you straight, because it sounds like you really need it. These are champagne problems. There are many, many, shitty things in life that happen to people (I won’t give you different scenarios because I’m sure you can think of some on your own). This is not a real problem in the grand scheme of life. Be grateful you have options, be grateful you can send your kids are safe, be grateful you have access to good education. I don’t know what else to tell you, but if this is what you get anxious about, you have a VERY long road of turmoil ahead of you.

I appreciate this, seriously — minus the last sentence — but I get it. If this were me I wouldn’t mind. It just feels like I’m experimenting w my kids because I’ll end up moving them twice if they’re unhappy.

Well I have older kids who were just fine in DCPS, and I was just the victim of a violent crime, so my point is, you really need to learn to distinguish between little problems and big problems in life. You can never predict how hard your life will get in the future so enjoy it while it’s good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please, please find a way to manage your anxiety. If you start out this anxious, you are going to have a very long and painful road. A preschooler needs a solid, safe, supportive environment. I'm sure you'll get it at any of those schools. But they also need it at home -- which means you'll need to manage this anxiety.

+1. And this is the easiest which is elementary.

Either you get your anxiety under control or move to the burbs in a good pyramid and be done with choices.

No, the school choice issue will be gone but the anxiety will just find other things to focus on. Just go read the posts in the Fairfax forum. Work on the anxiety first.

Anonymous wrote:Please, please find a way to manage your anxiety. If you start out this anxious, you are going to have a very long and painful road. A preschooler needs a solid, safe, supportive environment. I'm sure you'll get it at any of those schools. But they also need it at home -- which means you'll need to manage this anxiety.

+1. And this is the easiest which is elementary.

Either you get your anxiety under control or move to the burbs in a good pyramid and be done with choices.

Please, please find a way to manage your anxiety. If you start out this anxious, you are going to have a very long and painful road. A preschooler needs a solid, safe, supportive environment. I'm sure you'll get it at any of those schools. But they also need it at home -- which means you'll need to manage this anxiety.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re trying to make the best choice, but you don’t need to make the best choice.

Just make a choice, and then make the best of it. That approach, and not the school itself, is what will make the best elementary school experience for your child.

And don’t worry about the long run. Hardy/MacArthur vs Deal/JR doesn’t matter. My kid, who is now a senior, has friends who did both. Also friends who went to Oyster and EH and SH, friends who went to charters and application schools, friends who went private, and friends who moved away. And even though some of them had some bumps along the way, all of them are now doing fine. Among all of these perfectly fine schools, what really matters is not which school, but making the most of the school where you find yourself.

This, 100 percent.

School choice can drive you to madness because it creates the illusion that there is a "best" option. I know someone who literally moved her child 5 times during elementary school trying to chase the best. She created so much anxiety in her family.

This doesn't mean that there aren't options that are worth avoiding -- there are. Some schools will not be good enought. But if all four of these schools are Deal or Hardy feeders, they are all great elementary schools. Your kids will be absolutely find at any of them. Find a way to feel grateful for these option, pick one, and then get involved in the community and watch your kids thrive.

+1 This. We know someone like this as well. Perpetually complaining about the current school (including to families there who were happy and had no intention of moving). Kept accepting lottery spots to some other bright shiny object and spending hours driving their kids across town, only to find that that school had problems too (shocker -- no school is perfect, not DCPS, not private). This disrupted their kids' education a ton. My kids have held steady at the same school the entire time. Is it perfect? No. But they have had a wonderful elementary school experience and we have gotten to know the school and the teachers very well. My kids have done very well in school and I think this is mostly because we know the ins and outs of the school and our kids feel settled there.

Anonymous wrote:You’re trying to make the best choice, but you don’t need to make the best choice.

Just make a choice, and then make the best of it. That approach, and not the school itself, is what will make the best elementary school experience for your child.

And don’t worry about the long run. Hardy/MacArthur vs Deal/JR doesn’t matter. My kid, who is now a senior, has friends who did both. Also friends who went to Oyster and EH and SH, friends who went to charters and application schools, friends who went private, and friends who moved away. And even though some of them had some bumps along the way, all of them are now doing fine. Among all of these perfectly fine schools, what really matters is not which school, but making the most of the school where you find yourself.

This, 100 percent.

School choice can drive you to madness because it creates the illusion that there is a "best" option. I know someone who literally moved her child 5 times during elementary school trying to chase the best. She created so much anxiety in her family.

This doesn't mean that there aren't options that are worth avoiding -- there are. Some schools will not be good enought. But if all four of these schools are Deal or Hardy feeders, they are all great elementary schools. Your kids will be absolutely find at any of them. Find a way to feel grateful for these option, pick one, and then get involved in the community and watch your kids thrive.

Anonymous wrote:You’re trying to make the best choice, but you don’t need to make the best choice.

Just make a choice, and then make the best of it. That approach, and not the school itself, is what will make the best elementary school experience for your child.

And don’t worry about the long run. Hardy/MacArthur vs Deal/JR doesn’t matter. My kid, who is now a senior, has friends who did both. Also friends who went to Oyster and EH and SH, friends who went to charters and application schools, friends who went private, and friends who moved away. And even though some of them had some bumps along the way, all of them are now doing fine. Among all of these perfectly fine schools, what really matters is not which school, but making the most of the school where you find yourself.

Thanks!

Anonymous wrote:I will give it to you straight, because it sounds like you really need it. These are champagne problems. There are many, many, shitty things in life that happen to people (I won’t give you different scenarios because I’m sure you can think of some on your own). This is not a real problem in the grand scheme of life. Be grateful you have options, be grateful you can send your kids are safe, be grateful you have access to good education. I don’t know what else to tell you, but if this is what you get anxious about, you have a VERY long road of turmoil ahead of you.

I appreciate this, seriously — minus the last sentence — but I get it. If this were me I wouldn’t mind. It just feels like I’m experimenting w my kids because I’ll end up moving them twice if they’re unhappy.

You’re trying to make the best choice, but you don’t need to make the best choice.

Just make a choice, and then make the best of it. That approach, and not the school itself, is what will make the best elementary school experience for your child.

And don’t worry about the long run. Hardy/MacArthur vs Deal/JR doesn’t matter. My kid, who is now a senior, has friends who did both. Also friends who went to Oyster and EH and SH, friends who went to charters and application schools, friends who went private, and friends who moved away. And even though some of them had some bumps along the way, all of them are now doing fine. Among all of these perfectly fine schools, what really matters is not which school, but making the most of the school where you find yourself.

Why are you so anxious? If you don’t like what you picked, play the lottery again next year.

I will give it to you straight, because it sounds like you really need it. These are champagne problems. There are many, many, shitty things in life that happen to people (I won’t give you different scenarios because I’m sure you can think of some on your own). This is not a real problem in the grand scheme of life. Be grateful you have options, be grateful you can send your kids are safe, be grateful you have access to good education. I don’t know what else to tell you, but if this is what you get anxious about, you have a VERY long road of turmoil ahead of you.

Friends,

Help calm my mind.

I accepted a lottery elementary spot at a school for one of our kids because it’s small and highly regarded.

But I was torn about the decision until the day before the lottery decision, because we liked so many schools. I literally could not pick a winner. We had four top choices.

We are renters, so this wasn’t as easy as “find a house you like and can afford, and then send your kids to the neighborhood school.”

I picked a school, but I’m doubting it was the right choice every day. It’s a beloved school on this forum, but so are the other three schools. Two feed to Hardy+Macarthur, the other two schools feed to Deal+JR.

Help me manage my anxiety?

The other kids, if you’re wondering, are still in preschool.