Anonymous
Post 05/23/2026 17:25     Subject: Re:Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?
Anonymous wrote:How many husbands do you know that do all the things you want him to do? Take a look around. There are a few but in the vast majority of marriages women make all the plans and handle all the logistics of the kids. That's my impression anyway. I don't think marriage counseling is suddenly going to make a man permanently start doing all that stuff.


Well I’d like him to care more about me than just someone to sleep with and someone to choose what dinner he’s doing to have each night.

Call me crazy.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2026 17:25     Subject: Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?
Anonymous wrote:No abuse. No cheating that I know of. Just one person who is fine with the status quo (him) and one person who is not (me.) Late 40’s, marriage 20+ years, two teens.

Is there any point to marriage counseling? Or are my choices just accept it (I’ve tried!!) or leave?


He is fine with the marriage you are not. You do not give any reason at all. This the problem is you, not him and not the marriage. You need individual therapy.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2026 17:04     Subject: Re:Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?
How many husbands do you know that do all the things you want him to do? Take a look around. There are a few but in the vast majority of marriages women make all the plans and handle all the logistics of the kids. That's my impression anyway. I don't think marriage counseling is suddenly going to make a man permanently start doing all that stuff.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2026 17:01     Subject: Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?
I’m in a similar boat. I am having a hard time understanding how men seem ok to go through life without true emotional intimacy, a mutually supportive partnership, or any interest in the deep and complex person the mother of their children is.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2026 15:14     Subject: Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No abuse. No cheating that I know of. Just one person who is fine with the status quo (him) and one person who is not (me.) Late 40’s, marriage 20+ years, two teens.

Is there any point to marriage counseling? Or are my choices just accept it (I’ve tried!!) or leave?


What specifically are you unhappy about? What would you hope to change?
Its hard to answer your question without understanding whether or not you have valid reasons.


I want to make plans and do things. I want him to want to make some (not all) of those plans. I want him to want to do anything other than just work and sit at home doing nothing. He is in charge of cutting the grass and paying the bills that come due. He couldn’t tell you what days our kids have practice or games or where. He will call me on his way home from work and say “does anyone need to be picked up?” And “what were we thinking for dinner?” and to him this makes him an Involved Father. Never reads school emails, team emails, group chats. Never fills out forms or signs anyone up for anything. Never plans a vacation or a basic meal or an activity. His idea of a plan is “what should we watch on Netflix?” About once a week he will feign interest in me which is my cue that he wants to have s*x. And then he’ll be checked out again until the next time. It’s boring and lonely. When the structure of kids school and activities fall away (only a few years away) I’m so sad to think what our life will be like. He’s not concerned in the least.

And the most upsetting part is that I’ve told him all these things so many times and he just acts like I’m being ridiculous.


Does he make more than you? I would just formalize this arrangement with a post-nup to protect your equity based on unpaid labor. And then go do your life. Find a community of friends. This is your chance to plant seeds for those years when kids schooling and activities fall away.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2026 15:11     Subject: Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?
I think in your case you should do individual counseling and that it will help you. Marriage counseling can be useful (it was for us) but it’s not likely to make him change if he’s happy already.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2026 14:49     Subject: Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No abuse. No cheating that I know of. Just one person who is fine with the status quo (him) and one person who is not (me.) Late 40’s, marriage 20+ years, two teens.

Is there any point to marriage counseling? Or are my choices just accept it (I’ve tried!!) or leave?


What specifically are you unhappy about? What would you hope to change?
Its hard to answer your question without understanding whether or not you have valid reasons.


I want to make plans and do things. I want him to want to make some (not all) of those plans. I want him to want to do anything other than just work and sit at home doing nothing. He is in charge of cutting the grass and paying the bills that come due. He couldn’t tell you what days our kids have practice or games or where. He will call me on his way home from work and say “does anyone need to be picked up?” And “what were we thinking for dinner?” and to him this makes him an Involved Father. Never reads school emails, team emails, group chats. Never fills out forms or signs anyone up for anything. Never plans a vacation or a basic meal or an activity. His idea of a plan is “what should we watch on Netflix?” About once a week he will feign interest in me which is my cue that he wants to have s*x. And then he’ll be checked out again until the next time. It’s boring and lonely. When the structure of kids school and activities fall away (only a few years away) I’m so sad to think what our life will be like. He’s not concerned in the least.

And the most upsetting part is that I’ve told him all these things so many times and he just acts like I’m being ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2026 14:48     Subject: Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?
Maybe go to a counselor by yourself to see what you want now. He's fine as is but you're not. See what that looks like. You can discuss it in private without his input. Sounds good to me.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2026 14:34     Subject: Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?
It worked because DH was doing a lot of obviously unacceptable behaviors. But for whatever reason he needed a third person to say “that’s not acceptable.” And then he stopped doing those things. And then I begrudgingly stayed with him because I did not want to upend the kids lives. In other words, there was a distinct goal to be accomplished and the parties wanted to stay together.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2026 14:25     Subject: Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?
Yeah! It helped us a ton. I don't think either of us felt super close to divorcing, though. But it did help us get better at conflict. It didn't change anyone, really, it just helped us maybe understand each other a little more.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2026 14:22     Subject: Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?
If both spouses are committed to the marriage despite disagreements, there are decent odds. If not, it's unlikely to help.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2026 14:17     Subject: Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?
No.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2026 14:16     Subject: Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?
Anonymous wrote:No abuse. No cheating that I know of. Just one person who is fine with the status quo (him) and one person who is not (me.) Late 40’s, marriage 20+ years, two teens.

Is there any point to marriage counseling? Or are my choices just accept it (I’ve tried!!) or leave?


What specifically are you unhappy about? What would you hope to change?
Its hard to answer your question without understanding whether or not you have valid reasons.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2026 14:16     Subject: Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?
Anonymous wrote:No abuse. No cheating that I know of. Just one person who is fine with the status quo (him) and one person who is not (me.) Late 40’s, marriage 20+ years, two teens.

Is there any point to marriage counseling? Or are my choices just accept it (I’ve tried!!) or leave?


No answers but I’m following as I’m pretty much in the same boat.
Anonymous
Post 05/23/2026 14:12     Subject: Has anyone ever had successful marriage counseling?
No abuse. No cheating that I know of. Just one person who is fine with the status quo (him) and one person who is not (me.) Late 40’s, marriage 20+ years, two teens.

Is there any point to marriage counseling? Or are my choices just accept it (I’ve tried!!) or leave?