Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I need a reset, OP, I don't ask DCUM about "curating" anything, or set parameters for the best way to reset. Resets are for desperate times, when the household goes to shite and the kids fend as best they can because I cannot cope anymore, and need to sleep and empty my mind. I also go for walks, listen to my favorite classical music, watch the funniest stuff I can find on YouTube and if not too panicked, sinking into a reread of a favorite book.

And when I'm reset, I can address the household and the kids and the husband, ie the admin tasks, the small childhood crises, the husband who has been keeping it together (and feeding everyone instant ramen).

You sound depressed. The OP sounds like she legitimately needs a reset. You sound like you need a psychiatrist, for the sake of your children.

Signed,

A kid who grew up with a depressed mom who thought this gave her permission to “sleep and empty her mind” while us kids “fended for ourselves as best as we could”.

NP and what was your dad doing or not doing, and why is all your frustration pointed at your mom (who probably did far more than your dad)?

He was there, doing his best, but he wasn’t our mom, and it wasn’t fun growing up with a mom who “couldn’t cope”. Seriously. It’s 2026; there’s help for that, even if that means you have to go away to find it. Whether you like to admit it or not, it’s not healthy for kids to watch their parents struggle like that.

My best mental fix usually involves physically leaving the area for a day, preferably seeing a large body of water. Try taking a day trip to go on a long hike, something like Calvert cliffs park. Both the physical distance and the physical strain help to reset.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I need a reset, OP, I don't ask DCUM about "curating" anything, or set parameters for the best way to reset. Resets are for desperate times, when the household goes to shite and the kids fend as best they can because I cannot cope anymore, and need to sleep and empty my mind. I also go for walks, listen to my favorite classical music, watch the funniest stuff I can find on YouTube and if not too panicked, sinking into a reread of a favorite book.

And when I'm reset, I can address the household and the kids and the husband, ie the admin tasks, the small childhood crises, the husband who has been keeping it together (and feeding everyone instant ramen).

You sound depressed. The OP sounds like she legitimately needs a reset. You sound like you need a psychiatrist, for the sake of your children.

Signed,

A kid who grew up with a depressed mom who thought this gave her permission to “sleep and empty her mind” while us kids “fended for ourselves as best as we could”.

NP and what was your dad doing or not doing, and why is all your frustration pointed at your mom (who probably did far more than your dad)?

“Curate”?

Anonymous wrote:When I need a reset, OP, I don't ask DCUM about "curating" anything, or set parameters for the best way to reset. Resets are for desperate times, when the household goes to shite and the kids fend as best they can because I cannot cope anymore, and need to sleep and empty my mind. I also go for walks, listen to my favorite classical music, watch the funniest stuff I can find on YouTube and if not too panicked, sinking into a reread of a favorite book.

And when I'm reset, I can address the household and the kids and the husband, ie the admin tasks, the small childhood crises, the husband who has been keeping it together (and feeding everyone instant ramen).

You sound depressed. The OP sounds like she legitimately needs a reset. You sound like you need a psychiatrist, for the sake of your children.

Signed,

A kid who grew up with a depressed mom who thought this gave her permission to “sleep and empty her mind” while us kids “fended for ourselves as best as we could”.

I put on a good playlist, do whatever chores and mela prep I need to do early in the day, and then I settle in with a quiet activity. I have a lot of crafty hobbies, so maybe knitting, needlepoint, watercolor, beading, sewing . . . or maybe I'll do a crossword puzzle or play solitaire (both the old-fashioned way, offline). If I'm really into a book I might choose to hole up in a corner and read, but sometimes when I'm really stressed I find it more relaxing to have music on while I do something that doesn't require as much focus.

Daily mindfulness practice and a walk outside without my phone on. I use Calm; my BIL uses Headspace; there are online free options too -

When I need a reset, OP, I don't ask DCUM about "curating" anything, or set parameters for the best way to reset. Resets are for desperate times, when the household goes to shite and the kids fend as best they can because I cannot cope anymore, and need to sleep and empty my mind. I also go for walks, listen to my favorite classical music, watch the funniest stuff I can find on YouTube and if not too panicked, sinking into a reread of a favorite book.

And when I'm reset, I can address the household and the kids and the husband, ie the admin tasks, the small childhood crises, the husband who has been keeping it together (and feeding everyone instant ramen).

OP I don't really have good advice because I feel like I can only do this if I'm away. Otherwise at home I see all the unfinished stuff and clutter and things I need to do... Can you stay in a hotel for a night?

The tackling life admin itself helps me reset because having so many unclosed loops and then I many things to do is what's usually stressful. I sometimes go to the library or coffee shop to work on some of it, starting with emails and updating the calendar. If it can't be done at the coffee shop, I make a plan for when to do it.

When it's actual bad or emotional stuff that has happened, I journal stream of consciousness style. "Bad thing happened. I feel sad/frustrated/it wasn't fair...." If I keep going, I often get to a resolution, not that I can change the outside bad event or situation, but I can figure out how to survive it consistent with my values. It's very effective and energizing for me. If I let it stay in my head, I just spin bad thoughts around.

Another thing is, really be honest about what you are tired of/how you are tired and if the type of "relaxation" you are doing helps you or makes you feel worse. I'm usually more mentally than physically tired. Sitting around doing nothing doesn't make it better for me except in limited circumstances, but that may be what someone else needs.

Anonymous wrote:Go totally 100% screen free for one of the days. No phone, no tv, nada. Go for a walk and let the day unfold before you. No researching what resturants are open or what events are happening ahead of time, etc. Just let the day happen.

For most adults with responsibilities this only works if you've taken care of yoru admin stuff the day before, which it seems like you're doing. My husband and I do a screen free weekend maybe twice a year and it is truly a total brain reset.

This is what I was going to say. 24 full hours no screens helps the brain and nervous system so much. Logistically we sometimes find it easier to do noon to noon or 3pm to 3pm. And we let people know in advance that if they want to change plans they need to call our landline.

Go totally 100% screen free for one of the days. No phone, no tv, nada. Go for a walk and let the day unfold before you. No researching what resturants are open or what events are happening ahead of time, etc. Just let the day happen.

For most adults with responsibilities this only works if you've taken care of yoru admin stuff the day before, which it seems like you're doing. My husband and I do a screen free weekend maybe twice a year and it is truly a total brain reset.

When I really need a reset, I clear the schedule, outsource and do small things I love. I send out laundry and order in groceries. Maybe I'll pick up some paper plates to limit dishes. I change out all the sheets and put fresh flowers in common areas. I like good thai take out and a few nights with a good show. I try to read, go for walks, and keep doomscrolling to a minimum.

When I get really flooded, it will take me few days to come off of the stress. Sounds like you have a solid bank of time ahead of you. Good luck and I hope you can restore.

Start each day with a short walk even if it's raining. Put your phone away and watch a movie or read a book. Plan meals that don't require much work or create a ton of dishes. Go out to a nice restaurant or order in for one meal.

It’s been one of those weeks where everything that could go wrong seemingly has. I feel tense, overstimulated, behind on everything, and like I can’t quite exhale.

I’m taking Friday off and plan to use the day to tackle chores, laundry, and all the life admin that’s been piling up, with the goal of freeing up the weekend to simply reset. Thankfully, we have absolutely no plans, just a quiet weekend at home.

For those of you who are good at resetting your mindset and nervous system after a stressful stretch, what does that actually look like for you? How do you create a restorative weekend without falling into total inertia, while also not wanting to make a single plan. And how do you balance rest with still keeping up with dishes, laundry, meals, and basic household upkeep so Monday (or Tuesday this week) doesn’t feel chaotic all over again?