FWIW - I left my hometown after a traumatic event there because I never felt “safe” after. I never wanted to randomly run into someone who knew about the event. It did help a lot to move and get a fresh start.

I’m sorry your family is experiencing this. It does not matter who died. Have them both see their primary care doctor. And grief counseling. You schedule the appointments if they won’t. Losing a young person is so very hard. Ignore the nasty pp’s above. My family is navigating a similar loss and time is making the pain less raw, but this first year is brutal. Condolences to you and your family.

Anonymous wrote:I think it makes a difference who died. A sibling is far different from a cousin.

Not necessarily. I consider my first cousins almost siblings.

I think it makes a difference who died. A sibling is far different from a cousin.

Agree, grief counseling. Find a therapist, or, Hospice offers group counseling as well

Grieving takes time. It has only been a short time since February—far too short to get over the loss of a loved one.

It doesn’t matter who died. It was clearly someone very close to OP’s wife and daughter.

I was this way when my mother died. I ended up going on anti-depressants to get me out of the fog since all I could seem to do was my basic functions. I spent most of that first year laying in bed. That wasn’t going to work with 2 kids and a husband who traveled a lot.

If the wife and daughter aren’t willing to get help, I don’t know what else OP can do except to be patient and let them work through it in their own time.

Yea who died OP?

They need grief counseling.

The first year is the hardest.

Very close? A sibling, step-sibling, cousin?

If they were very close, that's really hard. You need to look for a grief counselor for them, OP.

Anonymous wrote:
You're going to have to tell us who died, OP.

Since you hedged, is it the ex-husband and father?

They said young. Maybe a cousin. Would be pretty messed up it was a sibling/OP's own child.

They need to get to over it, it won't be the first time

You're going to have to tell us who died, OP.

Since you hedged, is it the ex-husband and father?

Our family unexpectedly lost a very close family member in February. This person was young and incredibly close to our 22-year-old daughter as well. When it first happened, my wife completely fell apart emotionally. My daughter seemed more in shock at first — she had to suddenly leave college (grad school) and come home — and at the time I thought she was coping a little better.

Now that summer is here, though, my daughter seems severely depressed. She is failing school, never leaves the house (since March), spends most of the day crying in bed, and feels everything feels dark without this person, and that nothings matters anymore. Summers were especially meaningful because the three of them did everything together — big events, small errands, trips, phone calls, daily life. Every place, activity, and memory now feels painful to her.

She says she wants to move to another city to escape the memories, but I’m not convinced that would help.

My wife is also a complete different person now. She missed work for most of February and March, but now goes to work and comes straight home. She barely does anything else. She used to go out and do things with friends, but she hasn’t now in months. The two of them cry together, end up falling asleep on the couch together, and it feels like we are living the same heartbreaking day over and over again.

Neither are willing to talk to anyone about this. What helps with grief at this level?