It sounds like she is ready to play girls high school soccer. Have you seen how rough it is? I have no idea what other people are talking about that it doesn't work in 11v 11. We aren't in Spain.

Is she winning every 50/50 ball? Pushing her way through a crowd to score a goal. Using her body to defend.

Is her birthday affected by age change, like she is a summer birthday or fall birthday?

I think you see this on the boys side too. DS has played at numerous clubs across his youth career and they look for technical players with good soccer IQ for top teams by this age. My son had that, but the feedback my son got at that age was that he wasn’t aggressive enough. So ideally they want a kid who checks all their boxes for the top teams. By some miracle during puberty he found his aggression. My son was lucky that from day one he had coaches who emphasized the technical, foot skills, passing, playing out of the back, etc even when it meant his team would lose. His teams would get crushed by teams like your daughters but that all changed when they moved to 11v11.

Anonymous wrote:I'll be honest, it's rare to hear of a physically dominant player like that being held back or not selected because of needing more technical skill. I'd say that's a sign of someone giving an honest evaluation. It's often the other way around where more physically dominant players (regardless of gender) get picked instead.

On the boys side, it is far more common to see the big physical players promoted with a goal of "teaching" the technical skill. That's ok at the U-little ages. But once you get to U14 and up, they have what they have in terms of technical ability. That's why many boys teams (especially in HS) play longball.

Overlooking the technically sound, high soccer IQ players who aren't fast or big is a far more common problem.

This. My second team trapped DD has received feedback about her toughness and physicality. Privately (to us) coaches have also implied her size is a factor. We are at that fun age where some have hit puberty and others are still years away. She’s also now going from middle of the age group to young.

It sucks but at the end of the day, we are appreciative of objective feedback of things to improve and it helps for her to have concrete reasons why they felt she wasn’t ready and give her something to work towards. We try not to compare her to the girls who were chosen instead bc ofc, sometimes it makes no sense and it just makes us crazy.

wow, I am impressed by your thoughtful responses and how to think about the today vs future player! And, male vs female play as they age. We don't want to switch team right now, so this has been a great reminder of what we do want to achieve... fun, challenge, growth, and to keep improving for many years - so focusing on technicals now and maintaining her confidence/physical/athletic gifts in hand could be a winning recipe. Thank you all for responding!

Anonymous wrote:We have an 11-year-old girl on a dominating second team (best in flight). She’s a leading goal scorer, a lockdown defender, and an absolute “beast” athletically — the kind of physical, competitive player who wins games through sheer dominance and counter-attacking effectiveness. We love her current coach but he is leaving the club.

After tryouts, she was told she’s not ready to move up because she needs to become more technical and a “play creator,” rather than primarily a “play destroyer.”

This left us wondering: Is this feedback given equally to boys? Do physically dominant, effective boys who rely on athleticism, defensive shutdowns, and counter-attacks also get held back at this age until they show technical mastery? Or is there sometimes a different standard applied to girls who play a powerful, direct style and not possession based?
My gut tells me, physical athletic boys can still get promoted.

Looking for honest experiences from boys and girls sides. Appreciate any insight.

Being physically dominant on a second team, even a good second team, often does not translate to a top team where the speed of play is faster and everyone has at least a few big, fast players. If they are telling you this now, take it to heart and get her some extra skills training, summer futsal, etc. It's a tale as old as time that early developers get passed by by more technical kids as they get older.

As others have said, you are getting good feedback that will serve your daughter better in the long run. That style does not work as well at 11v11. On my son’s team the kid who plays like that is getting demoted next year. Defenders need to be able to help with the attack, not just sit in the back and try to shut the other team down.

Your coach is telling you your child needs to improve her technical ability and soccer IQ. That’s good advice. A tall, fast, strong player has a high ceiling but you need the other half of it. Your club is looking for someone sound on the ball who makes good decisions, not a bulldozer. Defending well is great, but not if she gives the ball away every time she gets it.

Some things you can do to help with this:
1. Watch pro soccer. Men’s and women’s.
2. Ball mastery on her own at home, find an online program.
3. Futsal.
4. Have her watch her game film if you or your club has a veo. Watch the top team as well if you can.

As far as your boys vs girls question, I have one of each and have found the opposite. In comparison to boys, the technical standard for girls is low (yes, there are exceptions). There are just so many athletic and technically sound boys, if you are missing one of those qualities you don’t stand a chance.

I’m sure you can find a club that would take her on a top team based on athleticism alone but that would likely be a mistake.

I can think of one or two large clubs that will play her two years up in a heartbeat. But in another two years she will be cut for not developing.

Your club is the exception. Most clubs want the destroyer and think they will turn them into a good soccer player. Then they cut 80% of their original top team kids by high school because they get surpassed by kids who are more technical and had to fight to get any recognition. The kids who were destroyers get left behind mostly after puberty has run its course.

The fact your club is giving you this feedback now is doing you a service.

Leave the club. What kind of example are you setting for your daughter by letting the patriarchy hold her back?

Anonymous wrote:We have an 11-year-old girl on a dominating second team (best in flight). She’s a leading goal scorer, a lockdown defender, and an absolute “beast” athletically — the kind of physical, competitive player who wins games through sheer dominance and counter-attacking effectiveness. We love her current coach but he is leaving the club.

After tryouts, she was told she’s not ready to move up because she needs to become more technical and a “play creator,” rather than primarily a “play destroyer.”

This left us wondering: Is this feedback given equally to boys? Do physically dominant, effective boys who rely on athleticism, defensive shutdowns, and counter-attacks also get held back at this age until they show technical mastery? Or is there sometimes a different standard applied to girls who play a powerful, direct style and not possession based?
My gut tells me, physical athletic boys can still get promoted.

Looking for honest experiences from boys and girls sides. Appreciate any insight.

Anything "second team" and big destroyer just screams horrible soccer to me sorry. Yes it works well at that age, and yes it's good feedback to not rely on that for long because everyone will catch up VERY soon. Once they move to 11 v 11, they better not only be big, but very athletic. It works up until 9v9 where they can shoot from the midfield, but after that it's lights out unless they start to learn the game.

I'll be honest, it's rare to hear of a physically dominant player like that being held back or not selected because of needing more technical skill. I'd say that's a sign of someone giving an honest evaluation. It's often the other way around where more physically dominant players (regardless of gender) get picked instead.

On the boys side, it is far more common to see the big physical players promoted with a goal of "teaching" the technical skill. That's ok at the U-little ages. But once you get to U14 and up, they have what they have in terms of technical ability. That's why many boys teams (especially in HS) play longball.

Overlooking the technically sound, high soccer IQ players who aren't fast or big is a far more common problem.

I see your em dash, and raise you one.

Your frustration is valid — but the feedback may be genuinely developmental rather than gendered. Clubs serious about player development are actively moving away from promoting on athleticism alone at U11, because early physical developers often plateau when peers catch up by U15. That said, your instinct deserves a reality check — watch whether physically dominant boys at your club get waved through without the same “needs to be a creator” standard, because if they do, that’s a conversation worth having with your DOC.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

I should add second part.. for girl parents who have a girl that can dominate in physical direct soccer, what club has developed and embraced that style (while of course working technical skills too) ?

We have an 11-year-old girl on a dominating second team (best in flight). She’s a leading goal scorer, a lockdown defender, and an absolute “beast” athletically — the kind of physical, competitive player who wins games through sheer dominance and counter-attacking effectiveness. We love her current coach but he is leaving the club.

After tryouts, she was told she’s not ready to move up because she needs to become more technical and a “play creator,” rather than primarily a “play destroyer.”

This left us wondering: Is this feedback given equally to boys? Do physically dominant, effective boys who rely on athleticism, defensive shutdowns, and counter-attacks also get held back at this age until they show technical mastery? Or is there sometimes a different standard applied to girls who play a powerful, direct style and not possession based?
My gut tells me, physical athletic boys can still get promoted.

Looking for honest experiences from boys and girls sides. Appreciate any insight.