Maybe the question was ridiculous.

In casual midatlantic work settings, I often encounter the "hmm?" or "huh?" sound, never "what?", I think because we were all taught that "what" was rude, but not "huh", even though both can come across as rude.

Some people say "pardon?" which is the right way of signaling you did not hear. I say "I'm sorry?". Others say "excuse me?".

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t raised in a home that focused on this but it hit me today when I was talking to another adult. It just comes across as rude.

Say “Sorry, I didn’t hear you” or “What did you say?” Anything else .

Huh?

Anonymous wrote:Better than "Huh?"

This. I get this sometimes from fellow professionals, in a professional setting! That nasal hunh? is like nails on a chalkboard

Oh, and just because your mama taught you that it was rude to do that doesn’t mean it’s universally rude. It’s a cultural thing and nobody in my very white Midwestern orbit would ever think this is rude or ever said it was rude in the past.

** she absolutely lit into me, not lied

I’ve talked about this very subject with my family and friends who are white. I am white.

Exactly none of us find this rude

However, I’ve had my ass handed to me on more than one occasion at work when I have responded “what? “ to an African-American colleague. One woman absolutely lied to me and told me to never do that again and then didn’t speak to me.

This is in the District of Columbia and the black women who decided to lash out at me are DC residents and DC natives

Better than "Huh?"

Maybe they are tired of you speaking too softly so they can't hear or your inability to convey a thought or form a question.
Maybe it's you

I was taught to say “pardon?” if I didn’t hear what the other person said. Maybe that’s a regional thing.

Yes, well, you just wait until you start losing your hearing.

What?

I will say it to express surprise and shock. Is that still rude? What should I say instead? "How bewildering" sounds a little hoity toity.

I agree. Sometimes my teen says it, even after years of my telling her not to. My adult kid is super polite.

I wasn’t raised in a home that focused on this but it hit me today when I was talking to another adult. It just comes across as rude.

Say “Sorry, I didn’t hear you” or “What did you say?” Anything else .