One more thought - thinking about college as a 16-17 year old can be scary, even for the more mature, independent, and social kids.

It’s very normal for them to anchor on schools that are known commodities - where older friends or friends’ siblings already go (and are happy), and even where their parents (or friends’ parents) have gone, assuming they had a good experience.

Why? Because to a high school junior who can’t even begin to weigh the various factors, focusing on these “known” schools narrows down the field and seem to involve lower downside risk.

Don’t underestimate how stressful this process is - not just the will I get in?” part, but also the “will I be happy?” part. Rather than trying to optimize (“What’s the best fit for me? Where will I be happiest?) many are more comfortable thinking about it the other way - “where am I least likely to be unhappy?” Especially junior year, before they really get engaged (by visiting more schools and writing the Why X School supplements.)

This is all normal, and for most, it will shift over time. Our DC is a senior, and I can’t think of anyone in their class who is going to a college because another friend is there or going there. But yes, many considered and applied to overlapping schools. It’s fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your kid actually said this statement?

In general, do not room with someone from your high school or even the neighboring area, it just limits your social circle and no one I know who’s done this has been happy with the outcome.

Op here. Exact words. She want to apply to go to the same school as friends who already attend and where current friends are applying.

I know people do it but I’m not sold that it’s a great idea

Is she currently a junior?

If so, say ok. It’s totally fine. AND encourage her to apply widely - to the schools where she has friends (and/or friends planning to apply) and to others, too.

Kids change A LOT between May of junior year and May of senior year. It’s not worth over-thinking now.

IF your DD and her friends get into the same schools next year, AND she’s prioritizing choosing a school solely because of her friends, AND that school seems like a poor fit for her, then come back to ask for advice from parents who have BTDT.

Otherwise, cast a wide net and see what happens. There’s no need to speculate a year in advance about hypothetical issues. Good luck!!

Unless it's ED, mostly this doesn't happen. By Apriil a lot of students are making more mature, different decisions. But if they stick to wanting to go together, room together, their choice. They live and learn.

I wouldn’t stress too much about it now. Have her check out other options. The process of researching and visiting colleges and writing “why X?” essays may lead her in a different direction. My kid changed their goal multiple times over the last 12 months. It really wasn’t until acceptances were in hand that they made their final decision on what they wanted (long process to decide).

I'm much closer to the people I met at university than I am to anyone I knew and considered good friends in high school.

I think it depends on the size of the school. My daughter did room with someone from high school and while the first semester was a bit rocky (most likely more the adjustment to living with another person), they are best friends and living together with another girl from San Diego in an apt next year. Both joined a sorority and made so many close friends from their dorm floor. The kids on her floor even had a dorm floor sleepover in the hallways before the end of the school year bc they know they will never all live together again. My daughter is at Penn State, and I think with it being such a huge school, having a few people you know, doesn’t really make a huge difference when it comes to meeting and making new friends.

Not my kids. Probably 9 out of 10 of their friends were headed to UVA. They had zero desire to go there. Both chose student bodies near-in cities and with a very geographically diverse student body.

DS, who has graduated, attended college locally and roomed with HS friends. They also shared an apartment. His gf is local. He didn't really branch out as much as he should have during college and I'm afraid that he's going to be the type to stick to what he's always known. His sisters were different, due to feeling smothered by living in this area.

I would say don't try to stop her and the likelihood of this actually happening is low. It's a common desire at the start of the application process and it usually doesn't materialize. If it does, what's the harm? It's great to have a friend (or two) right off the bat.

Anonymous wrote:Has your kid actually said this statement?

In general, do not room with someone from your high school or even the neighboring area, it just limits your social circle and no one I know who’s done this has been happy with the outcome.

I agree. They need to branch out. Meet new people. My sons went to schools that were very welcoming. They did great and now have friends all over the world.

It sounds like your child is a junior. Let them apply and a lot can change over the next year.

Well, it’s not the end of the world if she does.

Make your list with her based on what fits her and your family, and at this point regardless of what everybody else is doing. When it comes time to choose a school, she can decide whether it’s worth it at that point to go with her friends.

You don’t know where everybody’s gonna get accepted or not. He also don’t know what everybody’s gonna choose as their final school. They can only choose one.

Make sure you have at least 5 to 8 schools that she is interested in.Period.

Anonymous wrote:Has your kid actually said this statement?

In general, do not room with someone from your high school or even the neighboring area, it just limits your social circle and no one I know who’s done this has been happy with the outcome.

Op here. Exact words. She want to apply to go to the same school as friends who already attend and where current friends are applying.

I know people do it but I’m not sold that it’s a great idea

Has your kid actually said this statement?

In general, do not room with someone from your high school or even the neighboring area, it just limits your social circle and no one I know who’s done this has been happy with the outcome.

Tell me your experiences good and bad with following friends to a school or rooming with them!