Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you PPs! I am cautious raising an AA son that showing any type of agression that’s been accepted in the home to the outside world is a danger. From that, I don’t allow punching the bed, pillows, the walls, etc… It is one thing that’s viewed differently by others when it’s shown by a black male much like many other details.

I’d rather he understand that there may always be frustration in going to school, but he has to power thru and get his education.its a law and required.

I’m a black mom raising a black son. Please do not saddle your child with this mindset. There’s nothing wrong with what he’s doing as long as it stays what it is. When it gets past that you can deal with it then.

Op here. Thank you PPs! I am cautious raising an AA son that showing any type of agression that’s been accepted in the home to the outside world is a danger. From that, I don’t allow punching the bed, pillows, the walls, etc… It is one thing that’s viewed differently by others when it’s shown by a black male much like many other details.

I’d rather he understand that there may always be frustration in going to school, but he has to power thru and get his education.its a law and required.

Same. If he punches his bed everyday that's actually a great job at to get the anger out. What's they problem?

I think I will start punching my bed everyday and see if that helps. My therapist advised punching pillows, but the bed may be more effective.

Same kid, same.

-former teacher

How much sleep does he actually get? Have you noticed mouth breathing or snoring? Any speech issues?

I bet he’s not getting enough sleep or not getting quality sleep. I teach 8 and 9 year olds who get less sleep than I do.

If you’re saying he’s sleeping 10+ hours and still gets angry waking up then I would figure out if he’s getting poor quality sleep. If he’s not asleep by 8:30pm I’m guessing he’s actually sleep deprived. And if you let him stay late Saturday and Sunday and let him sleep in then you’re just messing with his sleep.

Good sleep hygiene can do WONDERS for a growing kid

Punching his pillow or mattress is fine.
It’s a bit odd, but not the hill to die on.

Why not?

When my kid was a toddler and he got angry I told him he could always punch a pillow to get his anger out. When he got older we enrolled him in sports and martial arts for appropriate ways to channel physical strength/aggression.

But if my tween wanted to go back to punching his pillow/mattress when he’s upset, I can’t imagine why I would care?

Why exactly can’t he punch the bed?

He needs to express his feelings in a safe way, and punching his bed is fine. He’s allowed to have strong feelings and you should not try to close his feelings off. Tell him that you understand his feelings but he does have to get up and go. Puberty is here and it’s hard. He is different than your other kids and that’s okay. If he was punching you and not his bed, that would be a problem. Kids who aren’t allowed to express their feelings can turn to drugs later on to numb the feelings they don’t know how to handle. You might want to take a parenting class.

Anonymous wrote:Is the punches his bed euphemistic? If not, why does it particularly matter if he does that to get frustration out... as long as he then goes to school? Seems kind of harmless to me.

Yeah I can't imagine fighting over that if he's actually getting up and going to school. It's fine for him to be miserable about it, so long as he does it.

Is the punches his bed euphemistic? If not, why does it particularly matter if he does that to get frustration out... as long as he then goes to school? Seems kind of harmless to me.

Punches his bed?

School sucks.

He's just not a morning person and he's having puberty so he can't cope and desires autonomy.

Try to manipulate his circadian rhythm with dim lighting in the evening and be certain he isn't sneaking caffeine.

Just give him a steady stream of choices in the morning that all lead to a decision path to the bus or the car.

1. Do you want to eat breakfast first or get dressed first?
2. Do you want to pack your schoolbag first or put on shoes first?
3. Do you want to go down and wait in the car or go down with me?

etc. don't stop to think. Just steady flow of action.

I’ve tried more sleep, less sleep, motivational talks, talking about how he has to go to school because it’s the law, etc..

He’s a quiet child and says no one is bullying or bothering him but that he just hates mornings and going to school. That he hates the boring academic parts and would rather do something fun.

I’m running out of ideas but he can’t continue to punch his bed each day 😭

This is the middle of three kids so his siblings are also going out the door at nearly the same time. (Ele, Middle, and HS have different buses)

Even when he was in the same elementary as his younger sibling he still disliked the mornings.

Anyone btdt?