Anonymous wrote:This is a legit feeling. So many parents think life is rosey and you should follow your passion.

In 99% of instances, following your passion will create financial stress.

Your parents did in fact not prepare you for the real world in a major city where high incomes are a necessity.

I have two middle school girls, I want them to do what they want, but I am not against telling them their path may make life harder than it needs to be.

If they want to follow their passion, I guess I'll be putting the down payment on their home

I echo this.

Too many parents, loving and well-meaning, effectively told their kids to follow their passions and sooner or later everything will work out. Well, no, it doesn't quite work like that. Life is about choices. If your passion means being a broke editor in the AI revolution that is going to destroy the industry (and already is), is it smart to make the choice to follow your passion? Or sit back and reassess? And, really, what is passion? You love reading? Ok, you can do that outside work. But what makes life much easier is money, indisputably.

There are so many routes into adulthood. There are so many career trajectories. Most people do not end up doing what their "passion" was at age 22, if they ever had one. But smarter people figure out they can be good at something else and make more money, even if it wasn't their passion. Lots of corporate management jobs fall into this category. People managing, project management, keeping the ball rolling. OP is in her early 20s, which means she has plenty of time to get on the career track. What will help her is 1) determination, 2) grit, 3) drive, and 4) learning (quickly) from mistakes and moving forward.

OP, if you're good at writing and managing a writing project, I'd suggest looking at proposal management. You'd have to start out as an lowly specialist but it's a career trajectory, especially in the DC area with all the fed contracting, that has a lot of room to grow in. It's not BIGLAW but after five or so years as a specialist, an experienced proposal manager can absolutely command 125k+ salary, and directors of proposal management approaches 200k or more with bonuses. You could even look at tech firms, they have proposal teams and can make pretty good salaries, especially if you join young and develop a niche area managing tech proposals (if you're really good at it, it can be big money with RSUs). And it's a good gateway job to other project management or group management roles in corporate America, if you hustle and network.

I would not go down the MFA route. That is a guaranteed money loser.

Have you thought of teaching boarding school? Great way to save money thanks to free room and board, and also to make friends with other young teachers. They prefer advanced degrees but a SLAC would be an appealing background.

Sounds like the dog is a big part of the problem and you're developing a victim mentality doubling down on prior bad choices.

yes but I came from a very abusive household with addicts.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your experiencing very typical anxiety at having to enter the world of “responsible” adults. It’s a story old as time—watch Girls, Frances Ha, Kicking and Screaming (the 90s movie).

I have a feeling that if your parents had tried to force a different kind of path for you, you might have been resistant to that and blamed them either way.

That's probably true. It's funny you mention Girls, because I feel like a lot of my friendships resemble Hannah/Jessa/Marnie. Sigh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I made some really poor choices in friends and boyfriends in college, so my primary social group throughout college fell apart in the middle of my junior year, and now I feel like I don't really have a support system, which really sucks. The two friends who have lived with me in the past both screwed me over and didn't end up paying rent (in retrospect, this was 100% predictable, but I was too naive and sheltered to realize it), and my mom ended up covering their portion of the rent. My best friend throughout college was just outed last week as a lying sociopath (which was also predictable, but my head was buried too deep into the sand until it was too late).

Stop making these choices in friends and boyfriends. Only sign leases direct with your landlord and have your roommates sign with your landlord too. You should be responsible for someone else's rent. Can you live with your parents?

I tried to see if I could live with my parents after graduation, but my dog and my mom's dog would fight like crazy. I don't want to give up my dog (she's literally the biggest thing giving me meaning in life), so I'd rather suffer financially and have to live on my own than move back in with my parents and give up my dog.

Anonymous wrote:
I made some really poor choices in friends and boyfriends in college, so my primary social group throughout college fell apart in the middle of my junior year, and now I feel like I don't really have a support system, which really sucks. The two friends who have lived with me in the past both screwed me over and didn't end up paying rent (in retrospect, this was 100% predictable, but I was too naive and sheltered to realize it), and my mom ended up covering their portion of the rent. My best friend throughout college was just outed last week as a lying sociopath (which was also predictable, but my head was buried too deep into the sand until it was too late).

Stop making these choices in friends and boyfriends. Only sign leases direct with your landlord and have your roommates sign with your landlord too. You should be responsible for someone else's rent. Can you live with your parents?

This is a legit feeling. So many parents think life is rosey and you should follow your passion.

In 99% of instances, following your passion will create financial stress.

Your parents did in fact not prepare you for the real world in a major city where high incomes are a necessity.

I have two middle school girls, I want them to do what they want, but I am not against telling them their path may make life harder than it needs to be.

If they want to follow their passion, I guess I'll be putting the down payment on their home

You're doing just fine! MOST people graduate college and don't immediately go into their lifelong, lucrative career. You don't need a support system. You will go off and make new friends, new boyfriend, and new coworkers. It will all be okay. The dog might be an issue. Is it a pittbull? Lots of landlords can't rent to pitbulls because of their insurance.

I know that blaming your parents is the gestalt of the age, but it's not their fault.

As an English major (I too was an English major) you just need to hustle a bit more. My reading and writing skills have helped me.

Sounds like your experiencing very typical anxiety at having to enter the world of “responsible” adults. It’s a story old as time—watch Girls, Frances Ha, Kicking and Screaming (the 90s movie).

I have a feeling that if your parents had tried to force a different kind of path for you, you might have been resistant to that and blamed them either way.

You are doing fine. This is all part of the process. You'll figure it out. Your parents can do some, but honestly, most of this is lessons that most people learn the hard way. Sounds like you're already doing that! Good. Here's where you go from here:

1) Don't go for a graduate degree when you don't have a career path in mind unless you have an enormous amount of generational wealth. Loving writing and being great at it is awesome, and opens up career doors for you. Graduate degrees will always be there for you if you want/need them once you have a little more life experience and a better idea what you want.

2) Internship sounds great, but it's time to start looking for a job for after it ends (I assume it's a summer internship?) You don't need to have this all figured out right now, you just need something to get you going, pay the bills, and start giving you a sense of "okay, here's what I like/don't like about various jobs having actually worked at a place for real people." Start asking around (maybe the career center at your school, too) and figure out where/how to look for and apply for jobs (I won't give advice about this, I've been out of the entry level job market too long) and just see what looks interesting and lines up with your skills. Most of my friends (in our 40s now) ended up in solid career paths through this method. They had a few different jobs in their 20s, one of them clicked, and that's what they're doing now. Very few set out on a Career Path and had that work out, and at least one who did that, successfully, is now miserable at work.

3) Set BIG boundaries with this thesis advisor. That's honestly, the biggest red flag in your post, especially given that you're kinda between friend groups right now. NO personal chat (from you or from him). Never go to his house. If your spidey sense ever tingles, say you feel nauseous and leave. You don't want to cut that tie, but you need to keep it all professional. If he starts over promising ("I can get you started as a novelist! I have tons of ties in publishing! You're a once in a generation talent!") back. away. That will end poorly for you! If you are a once in a generation talent, someone who isn't creepy will notice the regular way.

You'll be fine! Just keep on keepin' on. Good luck!

My parents didn't prepare me for anything because they didn't talk to me much, and never about practical things. I had a very strange, shuttered and asocial childhood. I think we're all more or less on the spectrum, in fact. I have deliberately become more social as an adult, and exposed my children to many more experiences in an effort to make them less naive about the world.

This site is for your parents. Not you. Find support on Reddit or something.

You are entering your quarter-life crisis. But be careful that you don't get too comfortable blaming your parents for your predicaments - they didn't choose your friend group or major, they're not forcing you to get an MFA.

You can do a lot with what you have now. Work hard at your internship and keep your eyes open for opportunities. Think long and hard about getting an MFA if you don't have a plan for your life after that. And if you decide that more money is what you actually want, look into law school instead of creative writing.

I feel weird posting this, but I just discovered this forum last night. I'm about to graduate college next week (!!!), and I feel like my parents (a progressive social worker and an English professor at a community college) did not do a good job of preparing me for adulthood. Compared to my peers, I feel a lot more sheltered and just behind in life.

I guess I'm just reflecting on college in general now that I'm graduating in one week. On paper, it seems like college went really well for me -- I majored in English at a SLAC, am graduating with the top award in my department and super high GPA, have amazing relationships with my professors, and just finished up my year as the Editor-in-Chief of my school's newspaper. I'm starting a journalism internship next month in the same city where I currently live.

But finances, now that I'm starting to realize, are a constant stressor for me in a way that it isn't for my peers. I almost wish I chose a more lucrative major, even though I really do love English and writing in general. I resigned the lease on my house and can't find anyone who wants to live with me after graduation (because I live with a lovely but neurotic rescue dog I adopted last year). I cannot afford to pay for rent in my house by myself on a meager part-time journalism stipend, so I'm really stressed about finding roommates starting next month. I'm graduating with $40k in student loans, which thankfully, my mom agreed to pay off for me (but I still feel guilty about burdening her with this). I'm preparing to apply to MFA programs in Creative Writing next year, but I don't even know what you can do with an MFA -- academia is falling apart.

I made some really poor choices in friends and boyfriends in college, so my primary social group throughout college fell apart in the middle of my junior year, and now I feel like I don't really have a support system, which really sucks. The two friends who have lived with me in the past both screwed me over and didn't end up paying rent (in retrospect, this was 100% predictable, but I was too naive and sheltered to realize it), and my mom ended up covering their portion of the rent. My best friend throughout college was just outed last week as a lying sociopath (which was also predictable, but my head was buried too deep into the sand until it was too late).

I really don't have any tight support system except my rescue dog (who I adore more than anyone else in the world) and my professor/thesis advisor (who I'm also starting to be wary of because he hits on female students and cheated on his wife, another prof in the English department, with an alum). I just feel so lost, and I feel like my ultra-liberal, "do what makes you feel good" parents did not prepare me for either the financial or the emotional realities of adulthood.

Sigh. Anyone else in this situation?