Anonymous wrote:What kind of fits?

Toddler fits. Sitting on the floor, Screaming, slamming doors.

What kind of fits?

You say "I've already told you everything I'm willing to share." She doesn't get to know about spousal support. She does get to know how HER life will change - if she'll have to move, where he is moving, if she'll still see him, etc.

I know I made bad mistakes. I got married to two awful men, and I regret it everyday. Marriage a third time isn’t off the table. I don’t want to be single, like the benefits of marriage, and want to be married to the right person. But I will have tell my 17yo, that she doesn’t need to know about this, and try to get her help, thanks.

Get your shit together OP.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your daughter is very upset about the divorce and trying to feel like she has some control over the situation by having all of the information. But getting the information doesn’t give her control and is not likely to actually make her feel better.

I’d focus on her feelings rather than the facts that she’s asking about. This is a coping mechanism. Help her find other ways to cope.

Yes, I have a teen daughter who is like this too. She has a high IQ, knows she's smarter than me, but accepts that I have more lived experience, so she's not disrespectful... but she wants to know stuff, to confirm that I am indeed making wise decisions. It's kind of sweet, and also a bit controlling and take charge.

I tell her as much as I deem appropriate for her age, and if she starts like this around AP exam time (like right now) or around other stressful events like auditions or competitions, I purposefully do not share, because I don't want to stress her out and distract her from her teen life. She knows I always share the important stuff eventually! We have a relationship of trust.

OP, what matters most is that she keeps trusting you. Share as much as needed to preserve your relationship with your daughter and impress upon her that this is confidential information, and that she could get hurt if she blabs the wrong info to the wrong person, in a contentious divorce situation. You're a team and she needs to understand that.

Anonymous wrote:Let her throw fits. You are doing her no favors by letting her get her way when she throws fits over information she has no right to have. Your divorce is between you and your STBX. These are adult topics and not her business.

Except with a teen like this (twice divorced mom? Yikes), it's likely that the tantrums are a cry for help and she is trying to express some insecurities and hard emotions. OP needs to focus on that, while skipping these details.

Let her throw fits. You are doing her no favors by letting her get her way when she throws fits over information she has no right to have. Your divorce is between you and your STBX. These are adult topics and not her business.

Anonymous wrote:I’m divorcing my second husband, and my 17yo daughter, who believes she knows it all is super invested in this whole process. She wants to know everything about everything that we’re doing involving this divorce, and personal things regarding finances, etc. She’s constantly asking questions, and will not stop talking about it. She usually has a hard time not getting involved in adult business, so this is common for her. I’ve told her all the basics, but she has trouble taking no for an answer, and throws fits when she doesn’t get her way.

What should I do? How much should I share?

Tricky. BTDT.

It’s not her business or her burden. Don’t discuss it with her. It isn’t appropriate. She isn’t your girlfriend.

When I divorced my cheating ex, my then-15 yo DD deduced what was happening and I refused to discuss it with her because there was no way to do so without disparaging her mother and i wasn’t going to do that. Unfortunately, our relationship suffered because of that.

I realize your current husband is not your DD’s father. Still, you need an act with dignity and not share details with her.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:Just don’t get married again please

+1000. OP, you're not very good at picking men. Please focus on your daughter. She obviously needs your help if she is behaving this way.

The basics are enough.

Just don’t get married again please

It sounds like your daughter is very upset about the divorce and trying to feel like she has some control over the situation by having all of the information. But getting the information doesn’t give her control and is not likely to actually make her feel better.

I’d focus on her feelings rather than the facts that she’s asking about. This is a coping mechanism. Help her find other ways to cope.

I also have a 17-year-old daughter. I try to be honest with her but not stress her out. Like she knows money is tighter these days because of inflation. She knows how much money I have saved for college and what that means. She knows how much her expensive sport costs and what we are sacrificing for it. She knows she needs to work in the summer for spending money. She doesn't know how much money I make or how much support her dad pays.

I’m divorcing my second husband, and my 17yo daughter, who believes she knows it all is super invested in this whole process. She wants to know everything about everything that we’re doing involving this divorce, and personal things regarding finances, etc. She’s constantly asking questions, and will not stop talking about it. She usually has a hard time not getting involved in adult business, so this is common for her. I’ve told her all the basics, but she has trouble taking no for an answer, and throws fits when she doesn’t get her way.

What should I do? How much should I share?