Tell your DD to focus on the friends who want to be her friend.

Either the girl is a friend, but not a close friend, or she thinks of your daughter as a friend in a certain context and the girl is happy with the situation as it is. This sounds normal and not "mean." If your daughter is not happy and wants to cultivate this friendship further, she will have to take the initiative and put in the effort to invite. Try to encourage your daughter to branch out and cultivate other friendships too.

I don't know that I agree with your premise. Is it "mean" to make plans with others?

Who knows if the friend is initiating the plans she makes with others--maybe not!

If it's important to DD to have a friend who asks her to do things, she probably needs to widen her circle and not look to this friend to change.

Be careful about projecting, though ... there is truly a benefit to teens (and people in general) having multiple friend groups, and you say that your DD is ok with it.

I don't think anyone would bother to make a post if it wasn't affecting their DD.

Some girls are just takers.

Look for friends who also initiate and include.

Anonymous wrote:My DD's friend never includes her in anything social she does. She never initiates plans either. My DD seems ok but it can't be a good place to be. I know she sees all the pictures. Will this behavior ever change? Why are teens so mean even when they're not being malicious?

Kids and teens don’t necessarily notice lopsided friendships, so I would not assume your kid is suffering without knowing more about how she feels about this friend.

My kid has more than one group of friends and her neighborhood friends who she texts with and gets together with on the weekend she “really doesn’t talk to at school.” Like, kids at school don’t even know that they’re friends. But my kid is not sad or upset about it. It seems kind of weird to me, but it works for her. She has a friend group at school and she is invited to that group’s birthday parties but she hangs out with them less on the weekends.

Anyway, you say it’s not malicious and you don’t seem to know how your kid actually feels about it so I wouldn’t worry. Maybe talk to your kid generally about friendships and what makes a good friend.

Kids socialize today in ways that are totally different to when we were teens. I wouldn't use your experience as a yardstick here. I doubt that "not initiating plans" means anything to this other friend. Truly, it's probably just them falling into a pattern that they don't even think about.

I personally fault some parents for not pointing out certain behavior patterns to their kids.

Some kids (and adults) have different friends for different settings and functions. Maybe the friend hasn't put your daughteer in her "social activities outside of school" activity. She can try to change it by inviting her to things or accept it and socialize with other friends.

My DD was upset when she saw two other friends attend an out-of-state concert together and not invite her. She recognizes that the two families have known each other forever, have similar high incomes levels, etc. and didn't even like the singer, but it was still an ouch moment.

My DD's friend never includes her in anything social she does. She never initiates plans either. My DD seems ok but it can't be a good place to be. I know she sees all the pictures. Will this behavior ever change? Why are teens so mean even when they're not being malicious?