Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 10:54     Subject: advice for interviews - i'm leaning out
OP I agree with some PPs that you should be honest. There are jobs like this (9-5) but it's not easy to suss out culturally. Different situation but I changed jobs when my kids were young and I brought it up and was honest about what I was looking for. I also went from being a manager to an IC and explained it as a PP did above.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. And that this job market is tough. I agree that your connections are the best way to proceed rather than applying cold, especially under these circumstances.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 10:48     Subject: advice for interviews - i'm leaning out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you can do just do less in your current job? I don’t know your situation but it seems to me for most people it would be a lot easier to just dial back and underperform for a while. Maybe look on the side a little.


OP here. I've tried this for two years. I also think my boss has "empathy fatigue." He was super supportive the first three months after my DH dropped dead. But sadly a loss like this isn't resolved in three months and I appreciate his perspective--the show must go on. It's a high-paid high-stress job that has been simply rocked by the Trump administration's changes and so the number of changes and pivots and program realignments and spirals of work insanity (we are talking about the fact that I sometimes work until 11 pm at night; and I have worked 5 of the last 6 Saturdays for anywhere between 5 and 8 hours).

I really thought I could hang-on until youngest got to driving age, because of salary and the fact that I obviously am the health care insurer. I also thought the high salary would cover services that would make the job possible like paying for ubers to get kids to activities and paying for cleaner to clean house and wash linens each week and paying for yard care so I would not have to do any of that. But I think I have to face the reality that my kids need ME they don't need my money if they are in this level of pain. And I have to be real that I'm grumpy and no fun ever since their dad died, so I sometimes think it must feel like a double-loss--the day they lost both parents.... I'm home sick today so I can job hunt and I truly want to cry typing this out.


Are you a fed? I think we need a better idea of your current role to understand where you can pivot to.

For example I am a lawyer but I work in a low key policy position and am not checking my email after my 8 hours. Most people would say a law job can’t be like that but mine is, it pays decently, and I enjoy my life and my children. You don’t have to be an admin for a low key, easier role.


This. If you're doing a big job you don't have to become a receptionist at a dental office. Look for a similar role but in education/non-profit/government and say your current position has been mired in bureaucracy as you move up the chain and you want to go back to being a hands-on contributor that does work that is more on the ground, like writing grant proposals rather than being the manager who signs off on others' work.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 10:37     Subject: Re:advice for interviews - i'm leaning out
Can you take FMLA for a bit? Your team will have to manage without you and then maybe upon your return the work distribution will be better and your boss won’t want to lose you again? It’s just so hard to find a job right now, but agree with the other posters suggesting angles for the interviews. Are you getting interviews?
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 10:28     Subject: advice for interviews - i'm leaning out
We recently hired an admin and someone like you would have been perfect. We needed someone for a very basic position who wasn't looking to advance (very small company). The person we hired was greatly overqualified. When we saw her resume we thought there'd be no way she would be interested in the job. She did an excellent job in the interview explaining that she wasn't looking for the kind of job she had before. She was at her last job for 18 years and only left because the company closed. She said she'd worked 50-60 hours a week for almost 20 years and she was hoping to settle into a job that provided a much better work-life balance. She was able to present herself as a reliable, hard worker but also make the point that she didn't want the kind of stress or responsibility of her last job.

I think this is going to be a situation where you just have to find the right fit for you. Word of mouth might be your best bet. We received a couple resumes that looked far too qualified for the position, but they were referred by someone and they were able to give a better picture of what the applicant was looking for and it made sense.

Good luck. I hope you're able to find something that works for you.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 10:19     Subject: advice for interviews - i'm leaning out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you can do just do less in your current job? I don’t know your situation but it seems to me for most people it would be a lot easier to just dial back and underperform for a while. Maybe look on the side a little.


OP here. I've tried this for two years. I also think my boss has "empathy fatigue." He was super supportive the first three months after my DH dropped dead. But sadly a loss like this isn't resolved in three months and I appreciate his perspective--the show must go on. It's a high-paid high-stress job that has been simply rocked by the Trump administration's changes and so the number of changes and pivots and program realignments and spirals of work insanity (we are talking about the fact that I sometimes work until 11 pm at night; and I have worked 5 of the last 6 Saturdays for anywhere between 5 and 8 hours).

I really thought I could hang-on until youngest got to driving age, because of salary and the fact that I obviously am the health care insurer. I also thought the high salary would cover services that would make the job possible like paying for ubers to get kids to activities and paying for cleaner to clean house and wash linens each week and paying for yard care so I would not have to do any of that. But I think I have to face the reality that my kids need ME they don't need my money if they are in this level of pain. And I have to be real that I'm grumpy and no fun ever since their dad died, so I sometimes think it must feel like a double-loss--the day they lost both parents.... I'm home sick today so I can job hunt and I truly want to cry typing this out.


I'm so, so sorry you are in this situation. I can understand some of it -- my father dropped dead (in his 70s but unexpectedly) and then a few years later my brother committed suicide, and my mother succumbed to her own mental health issues. So, I feel this loss of both parents. I'm thankful that i'm middle aged and know how to help myself (therapy, readings, hypnotherapy, group therapy, etc) and I have a happy-go-lucky husband and sons but that kind of abrupt loss takes SO MUCH care to understand and incorporate. Yes, thoughts of death are really normal after a loss like this, and it take a lot of effort to pull out of that kind of thinking.

I hope that you and your kids can hit pause in some way and take the time to heal.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 10:07     Subject: advice for interviews - i'm leaning out
I’m so very sorry, OP. You’re carrying a lot. PP had a good suggestion regarding universities, and don’t overlook community colleges. Non-profits might be another place to look. Personally, in interviews I wouldn’t say I have a sick family member, because they’ll think you’ll need a lot of time off and/or that you’ll be distracted by a chaotic personal life. You could say you want to protect your weekends to avoid burnout, since you’re so “all-in” when you are working, and that your current job has shifted to become working nights and half the weekend. Think of an example hobby you can tell them you want to spend time on, and that may shift their attention to your hobby. You could also talk about flexing different skills or just wanting a change. Sell it in your interview and it’ll be fine. It’s true! You do want a change!
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 10:01     Subject: advice for interviews - i'm leaning out
Sending thoughts of strength and comfort to OP. Have you reached out to former coworkers, former bosses, and current neighbors? Make it known that you are looking for a job change. Do not get into the family issues. Like a previous PP suggested, act like you are the most dedicated employee and loyal employee they will ever hire. Networking will be key for you to find your next employer.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 09:55     Subject: advice for interviews - i'm leaning out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you can do just do less in your current job? I don’t know your situation but it seems to me for most people it would be a lot easier to just dial back and underperform for a while. Maybe look on the side a little.


OP here. I've tried this for two years. I also think my boss has "empathy fatigue." He was super supportive the first three months after my DH dropped dead. But sadly a loss like this isn't resolved in three months and I appreciate his perspective--the show must go on. It's a high-paid high-stress job that has been simply rocked by the Trump administration's changes and so the number of changes and pivots and program realignments and spirals of work insanity (we are talking about the fact that I sometimes work until 11 pm at night; and I have worked 5 of the last 6 Saturdays for anywhere between 5 and 8 hours).

I really thought I could hang-on until youngest got to driving age, because of salary and the fact that I obviously am the health care insurer. I also thought the high salary would cover services that would make the job possible like paying for ubers to get kids to activities and paying for cleaner to clean house and wash linens each week and paying for yard care so I would not have to do any of that. But I think I have to face the reality that my kids need ME they don't need my money if they are in this level of pain. And I have to be real that I'm grumpy and no fun ever since their dad died, so I sometimes think it must feel like a double-loss--the day they lost both parents.... I'm home sick today so I can job hunt and I truly want to cry typing this out.


Are you a fed? I think we need a better idea of your current role to understand where you can pivot to.

For example I am a lawyer but I work in a low key policy position and am not checking my email after my 8 hours. Most people would say a law job can’t be like that but mine is, it pays decently, and I enjoy my life and my children. You don’t have to be an admin for a low key, easier role.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 09:47     Subject: advice for interviews - i'm leaning out
Anonymous wrote:Is there any way you can do just do less in your current job? I don’t know your situation but it seems to me for most people it would be a lot easier to just dial back and underperform for a while. Maybe look on the side a little.


OP here. I've tried this for two years. I also think my boss has "empathy fatigue." He was super supportive the first three months after my DH dropped dead. But sadly a loss like this isn't resolved in three months and I appreciate his perspective--the show must go on. It's a high-paid high-stress job that has been simply rocked by the Trump administration's changes and so the number of changes and pivots and program realignments and spirals of work insanity (we are talking about the fact that I sometimes work until 11 pm at night; and I have worked 5 of the last 6 Saturdays for anywhere between 5 and 8 hours).

I really thought I could hang-on until youngest got to driving age, because of salary and the fact that I obviously am the health care insurer. I also thought the high salary would cover services that would make the job possible like paying for ubers to get kids to activities and paying for cleaner to clean house and wash linens each week and paying for yard care so I would not have to do any of that. But I think I have to face the reality that my kids need ME they don't need my money if they are in this level of pain. And I have to be real that I'm grumpy and no fun ever since their dad died, so I sometimes think it must feel like a double-loss--the day they lost both parents.... I'm home sick today so I can job hunt and I truly want to cry typing this out.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 08:11     Subject: advice for interviews - i'm leaning out
Is there any way you can do just do less in your current job? I don’t know your situation but it seems to me for most people it would be a lot easier to just dial back and underperform for a while. Maybe look on the side a little.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 08:03     Subject: advice for interviews - i'm leaning out
You need to lie through your teeth during the interview process. Fake passion and dedication will get you far.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 07:59     Subject: advice for interviews - i'm leaning out
Any colleges or universities near you? These tend be relatively low paying, but good benefits and balance.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 07:49     Subject: advice for interviews - i'm leaning out
I'm sorry you are dealing with this, OP.

If you are looking at admin jobs, you could focus on places that are open set hours (I'm thinking dentist, school) or have hours protections (state government, unionized workforce in big companies or hospitals). Also consider a higher-skill job that is part time. The website flexjobs.com is sometimes useful.

But I think in the interview you have to say you are changing careers because of an illness in your family that prevents you from working unscheduled overtime, and that you look forward to being completely "on" during the hours you are scheduled to work. A workplace that can't handle the fact you mentioned having a family is not going to be a good move.
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 07:48     Subject: advice for interviews - i'm leaning out
I work with a bunch of F500 exec admins who have good salaries and benefits but I think they check e-mail from home outside of business hours.

Our company does hire from online postings and has hired remote before. Not in past 3 years though.

Do you have an alumni network from your school you could try tapping into through LinkedIn?

What salary range are you looking for?
Anonymous
Post 05/07/2026 07:37     Subject: advice for interviews - i'm leaning out
My husband died 2 years ago and my oldest attempted suicide in January. I absolutely must take a lean-out job. The kind of job where a shift ends at 5 pm and by 5:01 all I have to think about are my kids and how to help them through this crisis, how to find time and energy for them. I've been applying up a storm and gotten zero. I need to make this change and I know that no AI robot screener and most HR screeners are not going to let me through the door.

1) I'm thoroughly overqualified for the AA/EA jobs that I've applied for. I know myself to be reliable, diligent, a great communicator, good with details and I know I'd be a very helpful and solid assistant, yet... how do I explain that I need a lean-out job and it does not make me a slacker or uncommitted to doing good work?

2) How do you describe this change in an interview? I don't want to say I need a job I can leave behind at 5:01 pm as I think (as someone who has hired employees myself) I would not hire such a person, believing they will not take the job seriously.

I'd welcome thoughts and help! Please help if you have any advice.