I agree, honoring the EFFORT is critical.

That said, school is all about honoring the winners, the best, not effort at all. So you are bucking their system, and some kids end up not winning any of this stuff. And that hurts, it has to hurt!

I will say, as someone who graduated from a selective, prestigious, women's college 40 years ago, but who had to WORK HARD for every A throughout high school but most of the students at the college were truly gifted/really brilliant if not gifted. They didn't often have to work hard for their As, their honor societies in high school....

But when it came to working at college, they DID have to work hard because - you know - nmost of the women there were also brilliant/gifted and those who hadn't ever studied hard or worked hard in high school? they were screwed and took a good year to figure out HOW to study, WHEN to study, WHAT to study... something I had mastered in high school. Because just arriving in class wasn't enough, and they had never had to do that work in high school.

So hurrah for the PP who has a gifted/brilliant student musician for teaching her to WORK for her grades, how to study, etc. That will stand her in good stead when she attends college with her equals.

^ maybe you'll understand better if you consider that awards are controlled by external factors that the candidates themselves cannot control. You are born with certain functionalities, and even if you put forth your best effort, you might never win anything. So the solution to building your confidence and sense of self-worth is to measure your own effort, not what society thinks of you.

Is that a better explanation?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't care about such things, OP.

I have a gifted, highly functional teen who achieves effortlessly. I also have a now-adult child with autism and ADHD who had to work very hard for decent grades and benefited from accommodations.

In our house, we praise EFFORT. Not awards. Awards are meaningless.

Would you put in balls-to-the-wall effort at a job for 15 straight years with no pay raise or promotion or being employee of the month? You would be fine with seeing all the praise go to your coworkers and you never get acknowledged for what you've done? Would you be fine with that? I would get not. School is our kids' job. They need occasional rewards, awards. To say awards are meaningless is stupid.

PP you replied to.

Again, I reward effort. My neurodivergent kid needed to work 10 times as hard as the average kid (and about 100 times as hard as his sibling). I consistently praised and encouraged him in his efforts. He was rewarded multiple times, not for his results, but for his labor, dedication and resilience in the face of his hardships.

My gifted kid is currently breezing through AP Calc BC and AP Physics C as a 10th grader. She has won multiple competitions in her chosen musical instrument (has performed solo at Carnegie and the Kennedy Center), has won writing competitions, paints and draws in her free time, and just got a very selective paid internship at a Smithsonian institution at barely 16. How could I celebrate her achievements in a way that doesn't sink my other child's very minor achievements? I do not. I praise her efforts too. This week she worked diligently through AP exam sets - and I will reward her for her diligence, just like I rewarded my son for his.

I don't understand why you are not understanding this. And I repeat. Awards are meaningless. What matters is the effort put in.

Anonymous wrote:I don't care about such things, OP.

I have a gifted, highly functional teen who achieves effortlessly. I also have a now-adult child with autism and ADHD who had to work very hard for decent grades and benefited from accommodations.

In our house, we praise EFFORT. Not awards. Awards are meaningless.

Would you put in balls-to-the-wall effort at a job for 15 straight years with no pay raise or promotion or being employee of the month? You would be fine with seeing all the praise go to your coworkers and you never get acknowledged for what you've done? Would you be fine with that? I would get not. School is our kids' job. They need occasional rewards, awards. To say awards are meaningless is stupid.

Anonymous wrote:I don't care about such things, OP.

I have a gifted, highly functional teen who achieves effortlessly. I also have a now-adult child with autism and ADHD who had to work very hard for decent grades and benefited from accommodations.

In our house, we praise EFFORT. Not awards. Awards are meaningless.

PP here: But it's nice to be recognized for one's efforts. Occasional awards are important and have impact on kids. They say what you did was noted. Participation certificates need to burned in a fire, they mean nothing.

I don't care about such things, OP.

I have a gifted, highly functional teen who achieves effortlessly. I also have a now-adult child with autism and ADHD who had to work very hard for decent grades and benefited from accommodations.

In our house, we praise EFFORT. Not awards. Awards are meaningless.

^^ Kid basically has a free ride to college but their high school is giving them only one cord at graduation with a 4.06 GPA.

I have a kid who has never won awards except participation certificates. This kid also got major-league bullied all through grade school for a speech impediment they were doing speech therapy to conquer. This kid was the only kid not invited to classmates parties every other kid in class was invited to, kid got tripped on the playground and shoved and shunned and kids would outright laugh at them when they did a class presentation. It echoed. Kid would come home with a certificate in K-11 and I'd say good job and kid would say: "Yeah, but everyone in class got one so it doesn't mean anything." Kid had more than a 4 point and still got passed over for everything, including first part in marching band they very much deserved senior year. Never missed a competition, missed maybe three practices due to illness over four years. The part was given to a freshman, which stung. Kid went to teacher and was told they didn't get it because they didn't try out for senior leadership. Message: what you have done doesn't mean much. Kid is shy, in part the result of years of bullying when younger. Older siblings won more awards. But this year, senior year, never-winning kid has received a few big school awards as well as amazing merit aid and a few huge college scholarships -- bigger than their siblings -- and it's just coming together for them at the end here. I'm just so quietly proud of this kid, who battled and fought all the way and nothing ever came easy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really like that my kids' school has awards for things like school spirit and community service and "good friend" and "helpful community member." Not just academics (ie grades) and sports.

Ours did this in elementary. As the kid who was sent to the office, nearly daily, did not win one of those!

Boo hoo, teach your kid to behave better then!

Aw, yeah! This makes me so happy to see. Have 2 DCs and older one is the always award getter, younger struggles and has made honor roll some quarters, not others and those are painful times (the school has very fun, public celebrations around honor roll)...so i very much am in your shoes.

Anonymous wrote:I really like that my kids' school has awards for things like school spirit and community service and "good friend" and "helpful community member." Not just academics (ie grades) and sports.

Ours did this in elementary. As the kid who was sent to the office, nearly daily, did not win one of those!

HOORAY!!!

Congratulations! It sounds like he’s doing great. Thanks for sharing your good news with us.

I really like that my kids' school has awards for things like school spirit and community service and "good friend" and "helpful community member." Not just academics (ie grades) and sports.

^ obviously I wasn’t clear. It was taken for granted for my 2 oldest.

I have three kids. It was basically a sure thing that they would both get honor roll awards, etc., every year in HS and they did. My youngest, however, has struggled much more so it was never expected. Yesterday we got a notice that he is getting an AB honor award this year (junior) and I want to cry with pride and happiness at his hard work. This award means so much. It was a much needed perspective.