Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not an item to break into emergency fund for…

OP here. Absolutely not! Hence the post! With that said, any advice for explaining this to a 15yo whose life has just been ruined? 😂

Anonymous wrote:This is not an item to break into emergency fund for…

Anonymous wrote:At 15 she should be able to understand that it's just too expensive. She is not 5 anymore. I don't know why you're feeling guilty about this at all.

Anonymous wrote:My 15yo desperately wants to attend a concert that would require travel (7-8 hours round trip), a hotel stay, missed school, and time off work. Tickets alone are already out of budget, and adding travel, lodging, and pet boarding makes it financially unrealistic.

She’s very upset and says I’m “ruining her life,” especially since a friend is going with their parent. I understand the disappointment, but this just isn’t something we can responsibly afford.

How can I help her cope with the disappointment and feel heard, while still holding this boundary? Is this just a “give it time” situation, or are there ways to make it easier on her?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to guess this is the first time this has come up. From her perspective, her friend is going and she doesn’t understand why she can’t go. For this specific experience, you just need to tell her no. But you also need to explain to her the why behind your no so she understands the boundaries.

First—you are not Larlas mom. You are her mom and missing school is a non negotiable.

Second—concerts are expensive these days. If she wants to attend a future concert, she needs to think about how she will pay for tix.

As far as travel and your time off—only you know what you’re willing to do or supplement. If taking time off work is also a non negotiable, then she needs to be told that so she doesn’t hit you with “but we have Wed off”.

And for expenses—are you willing to contribute if a hotel and food are required? If not, she needs to understand this and consider it when determining how much seeing this show would actually cost.

This is OP and this is very helpful, thanks.

If this was a local concert, I’d likely figure out how to pay for the tickets (the cheapest I’m seeing would be around $350 per person after taxes and fees, so $700, which, as I type this is actually INSANE!) But now you’re adding in a hotel (even a basic Hampton Inn is $200, minimum), gas, venue parking, food, souvenirs, boarding our dog, plus my personal time at work.

Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t spend $1500 on one night and feel happy about it.

$350 a ticket sounds about right. I think part of it is that you feel guilty - you want to want to do it, but you don't. Or you can't and you feel bad about it. My daughter wanted to see Taylor swift and that was going to be $4-5k. It told her it wouldn't be possible. She was only 11 so I told her I would do everything possible to have her see her when next she she performs.

I personally would figure out a cost sharing to make this happen for your daughter if you can swing it financially.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to guess this is the first time this has come up. From her perspective, her friend is going and she doesn’t understand why she can’t go. For this specific experience, you just need to tell her no. But you also need to explain to her the why behind your no so she understands the boundaries.

First—you are not Larlas mom. You are her mom and missing school is a non negotiable.

Second—concerts are expensive these days. If she wants to attend a future concert, she needs to think about how she will pay for tix.

As far as travel and your time off—only you know what you’re willing to do or supplement. If taking time off work is also a non negotiable, then she needs to be told that so she doesn’t hit you with “but we have Wed off”.

And for expenses—are you willing to contribute if a hotel and food are required? If not, she needs to understand this and consider it when determining how much seeing this show would actually cost.

This is OP and this is very helpful, thanks.

If this was a local concert, I’d likely figure out how to pay for the tickets (the cheapest I’m seeing would be around $350 per person after taxes and fees, so $700, which, as I type this is actually INSANE!) But now you’re adding in a hotel (even a basic Hampton Inn is $200, minimum), gas, venue parking, food, souvenirs, boarding our dog, plus my personal time at work.

Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t spend $1500 on one night and feel happy about it.

$350 a ticket sounds about right. I think part of it is that you feel guilty - you want to want to do it, but you don't. Or you can't and you feel bad about it. My daughter wanted to see Taylor swift and that was going to be $4-5k. It told her it wouldn't be possible. She was only 11 so I told her I would do everything possible to have her see her when next she she performs.

I personally would figure out a cost sharing to make this happen for your daughter if you can swing it financially.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to guess this is the first time this has come up. From her perspective, her friend is going and she doesn’t understand why she can’t go. For this specific experience, you just need to tell her no. But you also need to explain to her the why behind your no so she understands the boundaries.

First—you are not Larlas mom. You are her mom and missing school is a non negotiable.

Second—concerts are expensive these days. If she wants to attend a future concert, she needs to think about how she will pay for tix.

As far as travel and your time off—only you know what you’re willing to do or supplement. If taking time off work is also a non negotiable, then she needs to be told that so she doesn’t hit you with “but we have Wed off”.

And for expenses—are you willing to contribute if a hotel and food are required? If not, she needs to understand this and consider it when determining how much seeing this show would actually cost.

This is OP and this is very helpful, thanks.

If this was a local concert, I’d likely figure out how to pay for the tickets (the cheapest I’m seeing would be around $350 per person after taxes and fees, so $700, which, as I type this is actually INSANE!) But now you’re adding in a hotel (even a basic Hampton Inn is $200, minimum), gas, venue parking, food, souvenirs, boarding our dog, plus my personal time at work.

Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t spend $1500 on one night and feel happy about it.

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to guess this is the first time this has come up. From her perspective, her friend is going and she doesn’t understand why she can’t go. For this specific experience, you just need to tell her no. But you also need to explain to her the why behind your no so she understands the boundaries.

First—you are not Larlas mom. You are her mom and missing school is a non negotiable.

Second—concerts are expensive these days. If she wants to attend a future concert, she needs to think about how she will pay for tix.

As far as travel and your time off—only you know what you’re willing to do or supplement. If taking time off work is also a non negotiable, then she needs to be told that so she doesn’t hit you with “but we have Wed off”.

And for expenses—are you willing to contribute if a hotel and food are required? If not, she needs to understand this and consider it when determining how much seeing this show would actually cost.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After years of trying to explain - I have realized the best approach is to explain once and then let it go.

They get over it.

You can talk about what they are doing for the summer so that they have spending money next year.

Even if she had her own spending money, she’d still would still need an adult willing to take the time off of work to drive her there and check in to the hotel room. If it was just the money, she could babysit or mow lawns or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:After years of trying to explain - I have realized the best approach is to explain once and then let it go.

They get over it.

You can talk about what they are doing for the summer so that they have spending money next year.