Your wife sounds immature and exhausting. Your poor fetus.

Why did you marry this lunatic?

I suspect she's feeling anxious about having a child and has glommed onto something she could potentially control for future children. Maybe help her focus on addressing the anxiety if she's keeps perseverating on this issue.

1) Your kids will be some of the oldest in the grade and you don't have to have the stigma of redshirting
2) October is THE coolest birthday month. My sister was late October and always had awesome Halloween parties.
3)She will get to be on maternity leave during Thanksgiving and Christmas. (I came back middle of November with zero leave and spent even Christmas eve that year working)

Anonymous wrote:This is insane and she should get a grip.

But, as someone who had kids born in November, January and May, some months are definitely easier than others. The November newborn was brutal with days getting shorter and shorter, and the weather generally being too nasty to head out. The May newborn was way more joy with me putting her in a stroller or a sling and heading out for outdoor events. The November kid got the benefit of “natural” red shirting, though.

+1 but playing along....

October is a great birth month (that's one of my kids') - as a PP said, you get to be one of the oldest in the class and that's a good thing, good weather usually for birthday parties. Only downside IMO is they are still very little during the winter cold/flu season.

Early Spring (March-April) is also a good time IMO, middle of the grade agewise, after the worst of cold/flu season but don't have to worry about a newborn in extreme summer heat (I had a July baby and felt like we couldn't go anywhere when it was so hot).

Look, the reality of carrying a healthy baby to term is that you really, really can't optimize this stuff. Any month of the year is a good year to an alive, healthy kid.

Be supportive, be encouraging, validate feelings, but if she keeps on like this look into some counseling for her.

This is insane and she should get a grip.

But, as someone who had kids born in November, January and May, some months are definitely easier than others. The November newborn was brutal with days getting shorter and shorter, and the weather generally being too nasty to head out. The May newborn was way more joy with me putting her in a stroller or a sling and heading out for outdoor events. The November kid got the benefit of “natural” red shirting, though.

This is a lot, lol. Most people aren’t so lucky, but I will say that a source of stress for many (but not all) is whether to red shirt kids born within ~2 months before the school cutoff date. That’s the only stress I have observed related to birthday.

I had a spring baby and a fall baby. From an enjoying the baby standpoint, spring was much nicer (more daylight and good weather for evening walks, no holiday disruptions). But longterm, no affects on kids…

My mother and her two siblings were all born in January. For some reason my grandmother and grandfather were aiming for the birthday of one of their parents or something. Or maybe one of their birthdays? I don't know. Always struck me as odd/interesting/not something the average person bothers to do. But nothing wrong with it.

Your wife sounds more reasonable about this than they did.

Good parenting means realizing that what you do is important, but whatever you do, most of how your kids turn out is out of your control. Let her plan and hope, and then she'll learn.

This is insane. A healthy kid is a blessing, and I don't know anyone who was able to pick and choose which birth month with any level of specificity (other than women due on the cusp of a new month who could choose their induction or c-section date for either month).

Just have sex.

I cannot believe you listened, absorbed, and then typed all this out. Or that I sat here and scanned through it. This is mental illness that should be treated. Also she might learn real fast that a healthy pregnancy is a gift not a guarantee and sometimes you just have to take the month that it happens. Wow.

October is the best birthday month. No question of which grade you are in. All of the advantages of being the oldest, without any stigma from red shirting.

We’ve only been married a few months and are already expecting (due late October). My wife has always wanted lots of kids right away, so we didn’t think much about timing at first—but now she’s really focused on birth months and can’t seem to figure out what she thinks is the “best” one. She’s already talking about trying to plan it more carefully for future kids.

Here’s basically how she’s thinking about it:
-She wishes we had waited and timed it better instead of ending up with a late October due date.
-She wants a birth month that lines up well with school cutoffs and doesn’t put the child at a disadvantage.
-She cares a lot about weather and the “feel” of the month—she doesn’t want birthdays during colder, darker, more “boring” times of year where parties might feel sad for the kid.
-She doesn’t like months tied to transitions like August because it feels like “back to school” and not a fun, celebratory time, to her.
-She’s thinking about how age lines up with the calendar—for example, with late-year birthdays (August/September or later), the early part of being a new age falls during winter months (Jan–March), which she sees as kind of dull for kids. By the time spring/summer comes around (May through the warmer months), the child is already close to their next birthday, so in her mind they “miss” enjoying the fun part of being that age during the best time of year, and when a year is recalled, and the kids birthday falls towards the end /(vs the beginning), they won’t be their official age for the year till the end.
-She’s even mentioned that some months feel more “girly” or more “boyish,” which I don’t really know what to make of.
-She also brought up that being born very early or very late in the year feels weird to her in terms of how people think about age and years (like January feeling tied to the previous year, or December meaning you wait a full year again for your next birthday).
-On top of that, she’s thinking about generations and how kids are grouped—she feels like being born very early or very late in the year makes it feel like you don’t fully count with your peer group or generation in the same way.

I’m trying to understand where she’s coming from. For those who’ve thought about this (or tried to plan it): is there actually a meaningful best birth month, if so which?