Anonymous wrote:There should be a course for basics or mandatory premarital counseling so marriages aren't doomed to fail from the get go. We teach everything else, why not teach basics of being a spouse, a parent, a homeowner?

Both potential parents should be required to perform childcare for a period of time, long enough so everyone knows exactly what they're getting into. There is nothing preventing people from doing this now and I honestly don't know why more people wanting children don't do this. My guess is, they already know what they're getting into, and don't think it's important or think the other person will change.

No kids unless both want them and both will do childcare

How often is this not the case? And why?

If someone does not want to be a parent, who/what is trying to persuade them? (serious question as I make the assumption different cultures etc... have differences here)

If marriages were happening at a young age, it would be mire understandable if spouses can't figure it out but apparently mature people are as clueless.

There should be a course for basics or mandatory premarital counseling so marriages aren't doomed to fail from the get go. We teach everything else, why not teach basics of being a spouse, a parent, a homeowner?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a different culture and geography and find it hard to understand what are the expected rights and responsibilities of a wife and a husband to build and maintain a healthy family life in modern day America. Would you care to share your insight?

And you’ve never watched American tv shows?

All my Asian friends learned English and cultural expectations via watching tv shows and movies.

I didn't mean literally. It just seems majority has no idea of how both parties need to be loyal, kind, generous, respectful and honest. How to divide responsibilities and meet mutual expectations. Why is it so difficult? Ones who crack the code, do it well but average couple has so many ongoing avoidable issues.

There are no set rules. You do what works for you both.

I think too many people " settle" just to be with someone/married then realize down the road the mutual respect isnt there.

We are a 2 mom family and I definitely do more of the hands on day to day stuff. But souse does a lot of other things that I dont have to worry about. I do feel respected and so does she

Anonymous wrote:Don't cheat
Don't lie
Share household duties
No kids unless both want them and both will do childcare

This is pretty much it, adding, physical/verbal/emotional/financial abuse should not be tolerated.

It’s smart, also, to have similar political beliefs, religious beliefs, and travel styles.

I come from a broken ass home. I knew I did not want that.

A White & Jewish family I babysat for was the ideal family for me. It literally stuck w me.

I came dayum close.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a different culture and geography and find it hard to understand what are the expected rights and responsibilities of a wife and a husband to build and maintain a healthy family life in modern day America. Would you care to share your insight?

And you’ve never watched American tv shows?

All my Asian friends learned English and cultural expectations via watching tv shows and movies.

Rights are the legal rights and laws in America. Ex if you are being abused or assaulted, exercise your right to get a protective order and GTFO
Ex your spouse doesn’t let you vote bc you’re female, yet that’s your right here. Same for driving or going to school k-12.

Responsibilities in western countries are more shared and tag-teaming than in traditional or conservative or misogynistic countries, religions or cultures.

Every couple is different. DH and I have one of the happiest marriages I know. Here is how it works

1. Open communication and respect
2. Appreciation for what the other does
3. Sharing of various household and childcare tasks
4. Making sure we have date nights and other things to keep our connection.
5. Hug and kiss regularly

I'm sure there are more. I would absolutely hate being in a "traditional female role" where the childcare and domestic stuff like cooking falls on me. But I have a friend who absolutely loves that kind of life and it works for them.

Every couple works this out for themselves.

There's no one cultural expectation in America vis a vis "rights and responsibilities" of the respective spouses. Welcome to the melting pot. The best advice I can give you is to have ongoing conversations and mutual respect and make sure you're both on the same page. I would rather drink myself to death than be married to the numbered-list PP, but there's a lid for every pot and if it works for him and his (possibly-imaginary) wife, good for them.

Don't cheat
Don't lie
Share household duties
No kids unless both want them and both will do childcare

I grew up in a different culture and geography and find it hard to understand what are the expected rights and responsibilities of a wife and a husband to build and maintain a healthy family life in modern day America. Would you care to share your insight?