My friend went through something similar (gray divorce) for different reasons (verbal abuse which escalated to physical assault.) This was 10 years ago. She put a picture of herself from before she knew him and looked at it every day. This helped her remember who she really is without him and his abuse. It took about 5 years before she felt strong and secure in her identity and took the picture down. You've made a huge step to becoming your true self. Who you are is someone who knows her value and who won't settle.

Anonymous wrote:I just filed for divorce after more than a year of knowing about his affair. Told him I knew but did not show him the evidence, had also asked him at stages when I suspected. He kept denying. All he did was ask to stay until the second kid goes to college-I couldn’t. The lies and denial hurt terribly-does this ever go away? It’s a grey divorce.

Sorry, OP. Your DH is a selfish prick.

Good for you OP. You know the truth.

Nope those feelings won't change. Nor will your lying cheating spouse.

I hate to report, but YOU will never be the same. You will always be suspicious and will never trust the same way again. Not that you (or anyone) ever should, but we do, and it’s something you will not be capable of, because you’ve witnessed deep betrayal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can take up to 2-5 years to recover from the pain of infidelity. It’s good you have found the strength to leave. You will do better once you’re no longer in the constant presence of your abuser. Get into therapy for yourself if you need to, and take good care of your physical and mental health. Make sure you’re getting a fair settlement. This might be a helpful resource:
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums/

No one alleged abuse?

Infidelity is abuse, dum-dum.

Dumb post.
Infidelity is not abuse,

Yes it is, cheater.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can take up to 2-5 years to recover from the pain of infidelity. It’s good you have found the strength to leave. You will do better once you’re no longer in the constant presence of your abuser. Get into therapy for yourself if you need to, and take good care of your physical and mental health. Make sure you’re getting a fair settlement. This might be a helpful resource:
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums/

No one alleged abuse?

Infidelity is abuse, dum-dum.

Dumb post.
Infidelity is not abuse,

OP,

One day you'll realize that he can never give you what you want. He can never apologize enough, he cannot turn back time and confess, or turn back time and not have the affair. You may want to impose certain things upon him to compensate for the hurt, but remember it won't fill that void in you. So you might just as well not ask anything of him regarding explanations or apologies. Just stick to practical things. In the end, that's what's most important: money, including college expenses. You will need to find emotional healing elsewhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can take up to 2-5 years to recover from the pain of infidelity. It’s good you have found the strength to leave. You will do better once you’re no longer in the constant presence of your abuser. Get into therapy for yourself if you need to, and take good care of your physical and mental health. Make sure you’re getting a fair settlement. This might be a helpful resource:
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums/

No one alleged abuse?

Infidelity is abuse, dum-dum.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It can take up to 2-5 years to recover from the pain of infidelity. It’s good you have found the strength to leave. You will do better once you’re no longer in the constant presence of your abuser. Get into therapy for yourself if you need to, and take good care of your physical and mental health. Make sure you’re getting a fair settlement. This might be a helpful resource:
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums/

No one alleged abuse?

It is abusive to betray someone’s trust and then lie to them continuously about it.

Anonymous wrote:I just filed for divorce after more than a year of knowing about his affair. Told him I knew but did not show him the evidence, had also asked him at stages when I suspected. He kept denying. All he did was ask to stay until the second kid goes to college-I couldn’t. The lies and denial hurt terribly-does this ever go away? It’s a grey divorce.

What “evidence?”

Did you hire a PI?

Anonymous wrote:It can take up to 2-5 years to recover from the pain of infidelity. It’s good you have found the strength to leave. You will do better once you’re no longer in the constant presence of your abuser. Get into therapy for yourself if you need to, and take good care of your physical and mental health. Make sure you’re getting a fair settlement. This might be a helpful resource:
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums/

No one alleged abuse?

It does go away. But it takes a long time. And sometimes never. But divorcing will help you.

It can take up to 2-5 years to recover from the pain of infidelity. It’s good you have found the strength to leave. You will do better once you’re no longer in the constant presence of your abuser. Get into therapy for yourself if you need to, and take good care of your physical and mental health. Make sure you’re getting a fair settlement. This might be a helpful resource:
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums/

It will pass, but not overnight. Give yourself time and be patient.

I just filed for divorce after more than a year of knowing about his affair. Told him I knew but did not show him the evidence, had also asked him at stages when I suspected. He kept denying. All he did was ask to stay until the second kid goes to college-I couldn’t. The lies and denial hurt terribly-does this ever go away? It’s a grey divorce.