Anonymous wrote:It means she’s tired of living life like that and is done. I don’t get why you are confused. She doesn’t want to be married to him anymore and be intimate with him. Totally different from your relationship ship with your kid.

Anonymous wrote:My sister just filed for divorce. My BIL was always a quirky guy, awkward, but super nice. Likely on the spectrum. I always liked him a lot and found him pleasant company. My opinion doesn’t matter to their divorce, but mentioning him matters to the divorce, I think. She’s divorcing him because she’s tired of “socializing him”. He’s who he always was; he’s always been the same man she married. But he’s quiet, and awkward, and quirky. The clincher? Their son is also autistic, and will likely have the same issues his whole life. I feel really weird about her stance towards her husband when their son is so similar. What does that say about how she feels about her own son’s future? I don’t know, I’m probably not thinking objectively. What am I missing? I need an unbiased lens.

Anonymous wrote:I have an autistic son and husband. I was the primary parent for my son during his childhood, because my husband could not parent effectively, due to socio-emotional communication deficits. It was hand-on, therapeutic-level parenting from morning til night, with a break during school hours: meaning, I narrated the day, we practiced his PT, OT and speech tasks (because he was behind in so many things), and I retaught what he had missed in school every afternoon. He couldn't do normal things like tie his shoes for a very long time, so I did a lot for him.

And then I had to mediate between them, because my husband couldn't accept that his son had communication deficits as well, and would get irrationally angry. The first 10 years of my son's life were really hard for me, and I felt completely trapped, because I WANTED to divorce... but then I'd be forced to parent with less money and I feared for my son's psychological wellbeing in my husband's custody, with the yelling and punitive parenting.

Now my son has clawed his way to college, thanks to his very hard work, my dedication and lots of tutoring... and my husband is doing much better. Essentially he's gone back to being the person I married 20+ years ago.

So I completely feel for your sister, OP, but I'm not sure divorce is the solution, unless she has support lined up and enough money.

Anonymous wrote:Remember, this may be the excuse she's giving so she doesn't divulge something more sensitive, or it may be a shorthand for a more serious version of what she's saying (for example, he's severely depressed and locks himself in his room and doesn't participate in any family activities at all).