Anonymous wrote:My in laws are bad people. Not criminals, just selfish a holes. A little background- I’m noticing some of their attitudes rubbing off on cousins. I don’t want this for my child. They have big personalities and “correct” all the grandchildren, often in ways I disagree. How does the group feel about limiting DC’s exposure to them?
A) “OP you’re being an asshat. Pot meet kettle. They are your child’s grandparents. Be the bigger person, you petty B.”
B) “ OP of course you shield your child from negative influences and guide them toward better people with empathy. That’s parenting. Duh”
C) nuanced response from well educated DCUM poster from 10 years ago.
D) other

Anonymous wrote:Why is it always the inlaws? What about your parents? No issues there? How does DH feel?

What is it that makes them selfish? Correcting your grandkids is not a problem in and of itself, depending on circumstance.

Not liking someone's personality does not make them an inherently bad person. I did not care for my ILs personality, but they did raise a great son, to whom I've been happily married for years, and who made a great father. So it doesn't really matter if I like them or their personality particularly.

Your kids are always going to be exposed to people and ways you don't like. It's up to you to raise them with your values, morals, and ethics so they learn how to navigate life--not shield them from it.

So...C?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn’t make this decision lightly. We value family relationships, and we understand how important those connections are. But our first responsibility is to ensure our child feels safe, respected, and emotionally secure.

When behavior crossed the line into what we believe was emotionally abusive, it became necessary for us to step back and reassess. Children are especially vulnerable to patterns that undermine their sense of self-worth, and it’s our job as parents to intervene when something isn’t healthy, even when that’s uncomfortable.

Creating distance isn’t about punishment or blame; it’s about establishing appropriate boundaries. Those boundaries are there to protect our child and to give space for reflection and, hopefully, healthier interactions in the future.

We’re open to rebuilding the relationship, but it has to be grounded in respect, accountability, and a shared understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable. Until then, maintaining some distance is the most responsible choice we can make as parents.

Are you OP?
If not, you didn't answer OP, just talked about your circumstances. BTW, not liking someone isn't the same as emotionally abusive behavior so that may or may not help answer teh question.

I’m the PP. OP said the grandparents are “correcting the children in ways she doesn’t like”. Of course, without examples, we have no idea what that means.

My MIL started undermining in similar ways, but it escalated to the point that our child came home in tears. With no accountability, we limited contact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn’t make this decision lightly. We value family relationships, and we understand how important those connections are. But our first responsibility is to ensure our child feels safe, respected, and emotionally secure.

When behavior crossed the line into what we believe was emotionally abusive, it became necessary for us to step back and reassess. Children are especially vulnerable to patterns that undermine their sense of self-worth, and it’s our job as parents to intervene when something isn’t healthy, even when that’s uncomfortable.

Creating distance isn’t about punishment or blame; it’s about establishing appropriate boundaries. Those boundaries are there to protect our child and to give space for reflection and, hopefully, healthier interactions in the future.

We’re open to rebuilding the relationship, but it has to be grounded in respect, accountability, and a shared understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable. Until then, maintaining some distance is the most responsible choice we can make as parents.

Are you OP?
If not, you didn't answer OP, just talked about your circumstances. BTW, not liking someone isn't the same as emotionally abusive behavior so that may or may not help answer teh question.

Anonymous wrote:Why is it always the inlaws? What about your parents? No issues there? How does DH feel?

What is it that makes them selfish? Correcting your grandkids is not a problem in and of itself, depending on circumstance.

Not liking someone's personality does not make them an inherently bad person. I did not care for my ILs personality, but they did raise a great son, to whom I've been happily married for years, and who made a great father. So it doesn't really matter if I like them or their personality particularly.

Lol- I love that you think you answered with C.
This was A.

Your kids are always going to be exposed to people and ways you don't like. It's up to you to raise them with your values, morals, and ethics so they learn how to navigate life--not shield them from it.

So...C?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn’t make this decision lightly. We value family relationships, and we understand how important those connections are. But our first responsibility is to ensure our child feels safe, respected, and emotionally secure.

When behavior crossed the line into what we believe was emotionally abusive, it became necessary for us to step back and reassess. Children are especially vulnerable to patterns that undermine their sense of self-worth, and it’s our job as parents to intervene when something isn’t healthy, even when that’s uncomfortable.

Creating distance isn’t about punishment or blame; it’s about establishing appropriate boundaries. Those boundaries are there to protect our child and to give space for reflection and, hopefully, healthier interactions in the future.

We’re open to rebuilding the relationship, but it has to be grounded in respect, accountability, and a shared understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable. Until then, maintaining some distance is the most responsible choice we can make as parents.

Are you OP?
If not, you didn't answer OP, just talked about your circumstances. BTW, not liking someone isn't the same as emotionally abusive behavior so that may or may not help answer teh question.

Anonymous wrote:We didn’t make this decision lightly. We value family relationships, and we understand how important those connections are. But our first responsibility is to ensure our child feels safe, respected, and emotionally secure.

When behavior crossed the line into what we believe was emotionally abusive, it became necessary for us to step back and reassess. Children are especially vulnerable to patterns that undermine their sense of self-worth, and it’s our job as parents to intervene when something isn’t healthy, even when that’s uncomfortable.

Creating distance isn’t about punishment or blame; it’s about establishing appropriate boundaries. Those boundaries are there to protect our child and to give space for reflection and, hopefully, healthier interactions in the future.

We’re open to rebuilding the relationship, but it has to be grounded in respect, accountability, and a shared understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable. Until then, maintaining some distance is the most responsible choice we can make as parents.