Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Revenge

+1

From who? AP or spouse? What did you do that felt like closure?

Anonymous wrote:It never goes away. You never trust in the same way ever again. It changes you on a cellular level. This has recently been proven by research at Harvard.

This.

Betrayal is a form of serious emotional abuse. You will never trust in the same way again. That doesn’t mean you won’t stop thinking about it every day - you will. You also won’t always hurt as much when you think about it.

Medication and therapy help - not because you are wrong or ill but because feeling things too deeply and ruminating is, perhaps, unnecessary to processing and recovery. Similarly, I’m suggesting therapy not because something is wrong with you and that made you pick a “bad“ guy, but that you need a clear minded, individual, unbiased (so no family members or friends) person who can help un-gaslight you and help you construct and enforce boundaries and focus on building your own best life.

Anonymous wrote:Time heals it. Staying away from them forever is the best thing I ever did. It also helps that I never thought they won't betray or mistreat me.

This is real talk. Anybody can betray you. Knowing that takes a lot of that "How could he/she?!!" devastation out of it.

"I didn't think this person would choose to betray me, but they did and I acknowledge their choices" is closure. Then you detach and move on.

It stings until it doesn't. Take good care of yourself. Focus on your health (physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially...). Realize that you have the high ground and love yourself for that. If that's hard for you, maybe a therapist can help you work through it.

Some are saying "revenge" but I don't dirty my shoes these days. Going into the mud with a loser just messes me up. I'm not on their level, and I don't want to sink to that low. It's never as sweet as doing the work to really love my own life while minding my business. Anybody can take a cheap shot. Integrity is in short supply, and I value mine.

Time heals it. Staying away from them forever is the best thing I ever did. It also helps that I never thought they won't betray or mistreat me.

You don’t. Leave him.

Anonymous wrote:It takes time to heal. You don't over it so much as you get through it. Use the time to work on yourself: explore new interests, practice self care, reach out to connect with friends and family, etc.

It definitely takes time. A lot of time. I was/am determined I was going to allow it to define the rest of my life. 2 years out, I feel like I’m finally really emerging from a very dark time. I’ve done a lot of work to process what happened and to rebuild my self worth. When I found out, I set a goal of being able to look back on everything with zero regret or shame. I didn’t want to sink to the worst version of myself or do things I couldn’t be proud of. And I effing did it. It was really, really hard and required a degree of patience and self control I wasn’t sure I had. But I can look at the worst period in my life and know that I showed my kids how you just keep going, even when your world falls apart.

Be kind to yourself and know that it will get better, even when it feels like you will never be happy again. I’m sorry you’re in this position.

Let time take time.

And EMDR.

Anonymous wrote:Revenge

+1

Anonymous wrote:Have you posted before? If not, do a search - this has been brought up exhaustively lately.

There are lots of crappy people in the world.

It never goes away. You never trust in the same way ever again. It changes you on a cellular level. This has recently been proven by research at Harvard.

Have you posted before? If not, do a search - this has been brought up exhaustively lately.

Revenge

It takes time to heal. You don't over it so much as you get through it. Use the time to work on yourself: explore new interests, practice self care, reach out to connect with friends and family, etc.

If you’ve been betrayed by a parter how did you get over it? I’ve decided to leave my partner, but the betrayal still stings.