Thanks. She has an American passport but was never at a US university and has never lived in the US. We aren't there, either. The deadlines have passed for transferring there but I do think it would be a generally more supportive model

Is she able to transfer back to a US university?

Thanks, I really appreciate these responses. I want to say that I am not sure it's that she isn't doing well socially; she doesn't have a ton of friends but she has a few close ones, which is her style and legit. I'm more concerned about her psychologically.

And this also very much resonates, and is exactly what I am concerned about.

And yet I am very concerned about her mental health. She's not at a place known to be supportive in this manner, and not at a US university where there is more focus/guardrails on this, at least from what I understand.

he perceives himself as failing and not moving forward. OP, you sound like you're going to force failure on her. And while you may not perceive it that way, it is possible and even probable, that she will."

Anonymous wrote:If she’s doing well academically and is at a good school with a degree that will lead to a career after graduation; don’t force her to take a gap year. Both of my kids had rough first years socially but things improved in the following years.

As a parent of a mentally ill college student (and we've been dealing with this since HS started, so it's not new), I feel like PP has a point. The worst thing for my son's mental health has been when he perceives himself as failing and not moving forward. OP, you sound like you're going to force failure on her. And while you may not perceive it that way, it is possible and even probable, that she will.

If she’s doing well academically and is at a good school with a degree that will lead to a career after graduation; don’t force her to take a gap year. Both of my kids had rough first years socially but things improved in the following years.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she needs to take the summer and maybe one semester off. You intervene when you see it derailing off the tracks and before it reaches a point of no return / significant damage OP. And Yes that is a nuance for every family. To be honest it sounds like you are there.

Can you say more about why you think this? Just today, she swore she is fine and said she will stop complaining - which is clearly not the solution we are looking for. At other times, it appears she is miserable. It's so hard to judge what is normal (my husband's take at times, although even he is worried) and what is crossing a line.

And if she is crossing as line, can we forbid her from starting the next year of school - because it seems that will only make things worse.

It sounds like she needs to take the summer and maybe one semester off. You intervene when you see it derailing off the tracks and before it reaches a point of no return / significant damage OP. And Yes that is a nuance for every family. To be honest it sounds like you are there.

PS - Her university is outside the US and we live in a third country, so "just go be with her" isn't simple — though I will be seeing her next month.

With serious encouragement she applied to transfer to one school, but I worry the issues will follow her. She told me her mental health in February wasn't good enough to apply to more schools then, but she wishes she had.

I can't believe I'm posting here, but I'm desperate and worried.

We have always been very "your choice, your consequences" type of parents, and historically that has worked with this child. But I'm wondering: at what point does one intervene and tell a kid they aren't allowed to continue in college and need to take time off?

Our first-year student is doing well academically but doesn't seem to like anything else about her school. She recently admitted there may be some mental health issues and ADHD at play — which, for her, is a big deal to say. She has appointments with a therapist and a psychiatrist soon.

(FYI, I also wrote this, but don't want to derail a discussion on options too much at the moment: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1319160.page)