My kid is neurodivergent and high-functioning and attends one of the smaller independent schools. The school is accommodating insofar as they give her extra time on tests and a flash pass/excused absence when she needs a break. However, she is expected to complete all homework and assignments fully and on time and advocate for herself/work with teachers directly if she needs additional support. Graduation requirements (foreign language, arts, core classes, PE, etc) are non-negotiable.

What this means in reality is that my kid gets As in classes that are aligned with how her brain works and barely squeezes out Cs in others (with a decent number of assignments graded as D/F and 0s for anything that is missing). Her grades are totally unrelated to intelligence/capability or to how engaged she is with the material. They do reflect the quality of the work she turns in.

I'm of two minds about this. On the one hand, it sucks that we are paying a fortune for a school where my super smart kid is getting some bad grades. I wish teachers would give her a second chance on some assignments or at least provide her with more explicit instruction/scaffolding/support. So far, she's not very willing to proactively seek out such support from her teachers or to accept it from a tutor or parent.

On the other hand, her in-class experience is fantastic, she loves her teachers, and I think there is a lot of value in getting real information about her abilities and deficits in terms of assignments/assessments/work because it informs how we think about supporting her in college/career/adult life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neurodiversity is accommodated, bad behavior typically isn’t

It's this.

+1
ADHD is pretty well accommodated as long as it doesn't lead to disruptive behavior. They don't accommodate behavioral issues. That's just the way it is. For those you need a specialized school.

Anonymous wrote:Neurodiversity is accommodated, bad behavior typically isn’t

It's this.

Neurodiversity is accommodated, bad behavior typically isn’t

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inattentive ADHD and mild ASD are fine, especially if the child is 2E with high IQ. But few privates have much capacity (or will) to accommodate anything else.

+1. A well behaved neurodiverse kid who will boost the school's academic profile will be warmly welcomed.

+2 our experience as well. Many of the smaller independent schools who are known for "diversity" do have many neurodiverse kids, but they are very high functioning. I've never encountered a nonverbal child or a child who needs a paraeducator, etc.

Anonymous wrote:On paper, many schools present themselves as supportive of neurodiversity and even encourage the creation of neurodiversity groups within the school community. In practice, though, it can feel very different. If a child’s behavior does not fit neatly with the rest of the school environment, or if their academic performance is not where the school wants it to be, some schools seem much less willing to provide real support. Instead of working with the family and helping the child succeed, they sometimes give the impression that the child would be better off elsewhere, or even directly encourage the family to move the child to another school. Does this happen at your school as well? I find that gap between what schools say publicly and how they sometimes act in reality to be quite hypocritical.

Which school is this?

My child with ADHD was shunned by their school with one teacher being particular cruel. Awful place. Highly sought after school on this board. They asked us to commit to things that our child’s medical team found appalling and against the standard of care and when we questioned it told us we were turn problem. I wouldn’t trust them to take care of a houseplant much less a child.

I have not seen any schools present themselves as supportive of neurodiversity.

I’m sorry you feel duped. I think that happens a lot.
Of course this varies wildly school to school, but it seems to me that many privates expect families to jump quickly to private remediation and medication. By middle school (or sooner), needing accommodations like extra time is fine but behavior issues are not.

Anonymous wrote:Inattentive ADHD and mild ASD are fine, especially if the child is 2E with high IQ. But few privates have much capacity (or will) to accommodate anything else.

+1. A well behaved neurodiverse kid who will boost the school's academic profile will be warmly welcomed.

Anonymous wrote:On paper, many schools present themselves as supportive of neurodiversity and even encourage the creation of neurodiversity groups within the school community. In practice, though, it can feel very different. If a child’s behavior does not fit neatly with the rest of the school environment, or if their academic performance is not where the school wants it to be, some schools seem much less willing to provide real support. Instead of working with the family and helping the child succeed, they sometimes give the impression that the child would be better off elsewhere, or even directly encourage the family to move the child to another school. Does this happen at your school as well? I find that gap between what schools say publicly and how they sometimes act in reality to be quite hypocritical.

For that kind of support, you have to go to the smaller schools like Sycamore and others that are set up to work with that kind of student and help them succeed academically while overcoming challenges. They aren't for special Ed or high need ASD students; they fill the gap between the mainstream high-pressure schools and an explicitly therapeutic environment.

Inattentive ADHD and mild ASD are fine, especially if the child is 2E with high IQ. But few privates have much capacity (or will) to accommodate anything else.

Anonymous wrote:Most schools in DC have very little room for neurodiversity.

Not true. ADHD is also considered neurodiversity.

Most schools in DC have very little room for neurodiversity.

On paper, many schools present themselves as supportive of neurodiversity and even encourage the creation of neurodiversity groups within the school community. In practice, though, it can feel very different. If a child’s behavior does not fit neatly with the rest of the school environment, or if their academic performance is not where the school wants it to be, some schools seem much less willing to provide real support. Instead of working with the family and helping the child succeed, they sometimes give the impression that the child would be better off elsewhere, or even directly encourage the family to move the child to another school. Does this happen at your school as well? I find that gap between what schools say publicly and how they sometimes act in reality to be quite hypocritical.