It's hard. She's individuating. I recommend the book Untangled by Lisa Damour, PhD. I see a podcast with her was already recommended.

Your daughter is hormonal and parting with childhood and she doesn't have a fully formed prefrontal cortex. She's going to be a hot mess for a while, lol/sob.

Super frustrating morning but I promise in a while you both will look back at laugh when you remember that morning that you two lost it because of concealer.

This is not a hill to die on. Sh8t happens.

She'll come back late teens or early 20s.

Everyone has bad mornings. Let this go! Literally.

Anonymous wrote:Listen to Lisa Damour’s podcast - the episode specific to 13 yr old girls. It will help you feel less alone.

It’s from 2021 but still very accurate and will speak to you, I think. https://drlisadamour.com/resource/my-child-is-turning-into-a-teenager-how-do-i-handle-it/

OP here, thanks for the rec. I’ll try and give it a listen sometime!

Anonymous wrote:A lot of poor decisions here on your part. At 13, she shouldn’t have concealer, a phone, or go to a school that you need to leave at 6 am to drive there. No school is worth that.

Adjust all these things and it will improve

OP, there are a lot of screen time restrictions and it’s really just for texting or music. The concealer was her own purchase; she’s not wearing crazy amounts of makeup, it’s just the concealer. I also wore concealer at that age due to acne, as does she. It’s a sensitive age.

As for the school, that’s not up for discussion. Our local public is really underfunded and poorly run, and so we go to a private that she LOVES and feels is worth the early leaving time.

Listen to Lisa Damour’s podcast - the episode specific to 13 yr old girls. It will help you feel less alone.

It’s from 2021 but still very accurate and will speak to you, I think. https://drlisadamour.com/resource/my-child-is-turning-into-a-teenager-how-do-i-handle-it/

You all are hilarious. 13 is middle school. They do thing apart from their parents and require a phone to communicate. My kid's phone is pretty locked down - all it can do it text and call.

I try to think of my kids as roommates I need to somehow teach and not kids i can control. All you can do is try to extract a lesson here. A time crunch is not the time to try something new. I'm sure she is exhausted. And thus dysregulated. Poor thing.

Wake her up early enough for putting concealer. Consider change to a close school, or let her ride school bus.

A lot of poor decisions here on your part. At 13, she shouldn’t have concealer, a phone, or go to a school that you need to leave at 6 am to drive there. No school is worth that.

Adjust all these things and it will improve

Why does she have a phone?

At one time you were that age and you put your mom through the same sort of thing. And your mom reacted one way or another.

How about looking back and trying to remember how your 13 year old self wanted to be treated. Your daughter isn't that different.

I’m 48 and still have concealer mishaps that make me have to wash my face and start all over. That said, a 13 year old doesn’t need concealer at all and certainly not for school, so it’s too bad she’s already shackled to the makeup train. And she must be super tired if she has to leave the house at 6 am for school. Otherwise her behavior sounds totally normal.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Sorry. I’ll explain. DD 13 goes to a school that’s not nearby. We gotta leave the house at 6 every day to get there on time. But today we were late because she was insisting on trying concealer for the first time and it became a whole production. Then in the car she wouldn’t apologize but instead looked at her phone and rolled her eyes when I made her put it away. Then she didn’t even say goodbye to me when I dropped her off. Where is the girl I raised and who is this ungrateful old thing that’s replaced her!

I know. I know the teenage years are hard, and I know all parents of teens go through this. But really, how long can putting on concealer really take? It takes me three minutes at MOST.