My daughter is always happy to tell me what she would like. I don’t get why you don’t just ask. And don’t talk about it until it happens.

Anonymous wrote:I’m really trying to come up with a nice idea but not tell her about it - like a shopping trip to NY or a visit to an amusement park with her best friend.

We have done smaller things in lieu of that. She has been getting some dinners out — her choice bc she’s done so well in math and totally pulled her butt out of the fire in history. She also got her nails done, which she loved.

I think it could also help out relationship a bit, which often gets strained with the push-pull of making sure she’s getting things done and the nagging.

These are nice ideas. If you have any others, would love to hear them.

These sound perfect honestly. You could also do a fun trip to a museum she likes, or a movie she wants to see. Small things for incremental progress is better than a promise for something big at the end of a slog.

I wouldn't reward her for passing or failing. I would reward her for the effort she is making to pass.

Like the nyc idea. Maybe a weekend at rehobeth and shopping at the outlet malls near there that are tax free!

Anonymous wrote:If she’s doing the best she can, though, don’t hold a special thing over her head and take it away if she fails. Summer school is enough of a logical consequence. Plan a trip or day out just to connect with her because school is out and you have the time. ADHD brains can’t connect to a reward so far out. Good for you for providing supports, and it sounds like a med change might be in order. Always remember that she’s not enjoying struggling and it’s not on purpose.

This. Rewards that are too far away or too big put too much pressure on students with ADHD.

If she’s doing the best she can, though, don’t hold a special thing over her head and take it away if she fails. Summer school is enough of a logical consequence. Plan a trip or day out just to connect with her because school is out and you have the time. ADHD brains can’t connect to a reward so far out. Good for you for providing supports, and it sounds like a med change might be in order. Always remember that she’s not enjoying struggling and it’s not on purpose.

We have done weekend beach trips and concerts sprinkled throughout the year. DD is a HS junior and these special events have helped her to push through the grind. Ask your DD what would be special and fun for her.

We have a family dinner every Friday where we share the small successes we had during the week. I think that helps to be reminded of the little things that happen and to try and find bits of positivity. My teens also pick out a dessert for that night and they enjoy that. After a test or something they get through we celebrate with a milkshake or something they like. It helps to have little treats sprinkled throughout so don’t forget to celebrate the small things too.

I’m really trying to come up with a nice idea but not tell her about it - like a shopping trip to NY or a visit to an amusement park with her best friend.

We have done smaller things in lieu of that. She has been getting some dinners out — her choice bc she’s done so well in math and totally pulled her butt out of the fire in history. She also got her nails done, which she loved.

I think it could also help out relationship a bit, which often gets strained with the push-pull of making sure she’s getting things done and the nagging.

These are nice ideas. If you have any others, would love to hear them.

Ask her.

Can you do small rewards along the way? I agree with pp that it's much more effective. But, if she doesn't have to do summer school, what about a weekend away -- her choice.

ADHD kids do better with small, immediate rewards. Like buy her favorite little cookies and give her one after dinner while she does homework, or "points" toward an iTunes gift card or something. If she's working hard, has a tutor, and still fails, that would really suck not to get the big prize. Basically, can you reward building the habits that will hopefully lead to passing? You can still offer a reward for passing English, but I wouldn't want it to be so over the top that she'll be crushed.

My kid doesn’t do well with rewards, but we’ve used Cameo for motivation to keep going through tough spots. We had his favorite sports player/idol do a Cameo for him and it was incredibly sweet and my son just adored it - he was 14 at that time I think and I still can see the look on his face watching his hero use his name, and tell him to keep going and he was proud of him. Chokes me up 4 years later.

That kid is in college now, even though he was on the brink of failing classes every year. They do grow and mature. Truly.

Weekend trip.

Sorry, I meant, if she pulls it together and gets through it with a nice passing grade, what would be a nice reward, not if she fails.

Just trying to think ahead … kid is a freshman. She has learning disabilities including moderate to severe dyslexia, dysgraphia and dysgraphia.

She started off the year strong but really wavered mid year but is pulling it back together in all but English. Still really struggling there. We have tutors and are working with the teachers and I hope she’ll be able to pull it together and avoid summer school. Right now, she is failing. If she does, what can be a nice reward for her? She is working so hard. She also has ADHD so we’ve had ups and downs with missed assignments and the like and we’re working on all of that; what a year it’s been. Man oh man, I need this kid to mature!