Anonymous wrote:To my daughter she takes it wrong.

I try so hard to be supportive but she always misinterprets what I say.

And her boyfriend and friends, supposedly can do no wrong.

It is so exhausting.

Don't talk critical to her for a while, listen to what she says instead of just hearing and responding, report back in four weeks.

Poor OP. the victim.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:then don't say anything

This isn’t as absurd as it seems.
I am a not so young adult and the best thing my parent could do is… just not talk to me.
Nothing enjoyable comes of it. It’s boring at best and infuriating at worst.

Work on building empathy and take some interest in their lives, they changed your diapers, fed you, stayed up at nights with you and so much more. If anyone else ever did 1% of it, you'll be writing thank you cards and feeling in debt.

It’s hard to determine from your post how/where things are going sideways. The reality is that your DD is 25 years old. Is she asking for advice? Is she living on her own? If she is independent, she needs to make her own decisions.

Anonymous wrote:* If you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it to your adult child.

* When it's your property, you have control. When it's your money, you have control. The exception imho is college tuition. That is a gift. They either use it well or they don't use it well. You don't take it away. You have no power to "bring-them-home" from a college if you don't think they are doing well enough. It's the university's decision whether the student can remain enrolled and continue.

* Once they are financially self supporting, you owe them the respect of a peer adult.

Wise words

* If you wouldn't say it to a friend, don't say it to your adult child.

* When it's your property, you have control. When it's your money, you have control. The exception imho is college tuition. That is a gift. They either use it well or they don't use it well. You don't take it away. You have no power to "bring-them-home" from a college if you don't think they are doing well enough. It's the university's decision whether the student can remain enrolled and continue.

* Once they are financially self supporting, you owe them the respect of a peer adult.

Don’t give any unasked for advice
Keep things positive
Let her initiate contact most of the time
Very generally, the more you push the more she is likely to pull. Consider your communication style- maybe it’s entirely a young AC dynamic but maybe it’s not always her taking it wrong, maybe there’s a better way for you to say things.

I had to change my communication as my DD was nearing the end of college. I don’t think I was necessarily “wrong,” but I was wrong for her. She changed in ways I didn’t entirely understand and certainly didn’t expect, and she didn’t communicate some of that to me very well. I had to kind of figure things out.

Anonymous wrote:How old is she?

25

Anonymous wrote:then don't say anything

This isn’t as absurd as it seems.
I am a not so young adult and the best thing my parent could do is… just not talk to me.
Nothing enjoyable comes of it. It’s boring at best and infuriating at worst.

Talk about the weather.

Yup. Mothers and daughters. My mom means well but her tone is always grating. It's gotten better between us but I still flinch when she calls.

Anonymous wrote:then don't say anything

How old is she?

then don't say anything

To my daughter she takes it wrong.

I try so hard to be supportive but she always misinterprets what I say.

And her boyfriend and friends, supposedly can do no wrong.

It is so exhausting.