Have you been to a nursing home? There are so very few men. I bet 85-90% female. My grandpa-in-law is in a nursing home and is in a male wing. So he does have friends and other men near him. But my grandmas nursing home doesn’t have a single man.

My mom died before my dad. They were in their 80’s.

Anonymous wrote:My dad is 70 and a widower. He has said a lot of widows he has met aren’t interested in new relationships with men.

My dad moved into a 55+ community at 73, about 8 years after my mom died. When he moved in, he said single women outnumbered single men 8:1 – he was a very hot commodity as a healthy, fit, attractive guy. Everyone had a widow friend they wanted to fix him up with, but he wasn't interested in dating. Eventually, he met a very nice widow and they enjoy each other's company and travel frequently, but they have zero intention of living together or remarrying. There's no attempt at blending families and no caregiving obligation beyond what you'd do for a good friend. It seems to be a good balance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad is 70 and a widower. He has said a lot of widows he has met aren’t interested in new relationships with men.

Of course they aren't! They spent their entire lives taking care of men and children and now they are free. Also, and no disrespect to your dad who may be lovely for all I know, but most men in their 70s just want to be taken care of and don't want to care for others. Unless they are lonely, there is no upside. And since odds are that they have plenty of female friends, there's no reason to be lonely. Most women in their 70s aren't looking for intimacy (I'm sure some are, most are over that) so romantic relationships with men just don't offer anything for them.

All this. The widows I know all have lots of friends and active social lives with other women their age. They especially have zero desire to marry or find a companion if they are financially stable.

Men and women are now closer in age at the time of marriage than 50 years ago, so I think the gender gap may close some as time goes on.

Anonymous wrote:My dad is 70 and a widower. He has said a lot of widows he has met aren’t interested in new relationships with men.

Of course they aren't! They spent their entire lives taking care of men and children and now they are free. Also, and no disrespect to your dad who may be lovely for all I know, but most men in their 70s just want to be taken care of and don't want to care for others. Unless they are lonely, there is no upside. And since odds are that they have plenty of female friends, there's no reason to be lonely. Most women in their 70s aren't looking for intimacy (I'm sure some are, most are over that) so romantic relationships with men just don't offer anything for them.

Women have long outlived men - my grandma was widowed three times.

Strangely in my experience, all the men are outliving the women. I know tons of widowers. Their wives all died of cancers in their 60s and 70s. My dad is a widower almost 80. He'd like to meet someone but hasn't yet. Most of his current friend set are still married couples and he feels like odd man out. But in the wider circle of former neighbors and old friends, the wives all died relatively young.

Doctors are routinely telling 70 year olds to expect another 30 years

My dad is 70 and a widower. He has said a lot of widows he has met aren’t interested in new relationships with men.

There are some hardy widowers but, yes, once you get to a certain age women vastly outnumber men. My 88yo widowed mother’s social group is by now about 90% women. There are 2 or 3 guys left.

There are some men in my neighborhood who are between 95 and 100 years old. They have been widowers for between 5-10 years.
While of course sad that their wives are not with them any more, they seem to be content with their lives, and are as healthy as you can be when you are almost 100 years old.
So it can be that way, too.

Yes, there are many female widows; men don't live as long usually and most women marry older men.

Most women I know outlived their husbands but of course there are exceptions. My cousin's father outlived his wife for 40 years (she had cancer). Jimmy Carter outlived his wife and he was older.

I mean on average women live longer than men. This is widely known.

But also you never know what the future holds and I would not assume you will be widowed in your 70s.

My mom is not a widow and I think wishes she was. My MIL is a widow at 80 and wishes she wasn't. Life is variable.

This has been happening since my in laws turned around 70, but it's now about a dozen female widows and very few / no men left.

It's been making me reflect that is that sort of what to expect as a woman? You'll outlive pretty much all the men in your life and possibly your own male children too (I had kids young so if I live to 98 like my Grandmother my son will be mid 70s).