Anonymous wrote:Three days is the limit for visits except extenuating circumstances, like helping out during a surgery recovery or death in the family and then only if the host wants you to be there.

Yep this. Next season we will be setting this boundary. Have learned a lot.

Agree with poster 08:44. My parents had the same rule and I have that rule too. If I'm staying in a friend's geographic area longer and I'm going to stay with them at all, I go to a hotel after 2 nights.

I had in-laws that I adored who lived 5 hours away. They always visited for 3 days/2 nights. Dinner the first evening, chatting to catch up. An activity the next day away from the house where they treated for lunch or dinner. A nice breakfast on the 3rd day, and off they went. The rest of the day was ours before work the next morning.

Their visits were not stressful and quite enjoyable. Later they told me they did the 2 nights max on purpose, so as not to upset our routine.

When we visited them, we did the same 2 night formula. 3 days was just enough time with the toddlers, but a week would have exhausted them.

Neither of us brought groceries or cleaned toilets at the other's house!

Three days is the limit for visits except extenuating circumstances, like helping out during a surgery recovery or death in the family and then only if the host wants you to be there.

Anonymous wrote:My sibling expects me to clean, make beds, stock refrigerator and pantry, etc when he visits our parents.
He sends me a grocery list with several very hard to find items.
And then expects entertainment and babysitting.
I don’t live there.
He is a bad guest.

Sibling? Um, no.

You can tell John Jr. that you don’t live with Mom and Dad, he is a grown up, and you aren’t his servant.

PS - Visiting your parents or siblings is different than hosting guests.

My sibling expects me to clean, make beds, stock refrigerator and pantry, etc when he visits our parents.
He sends me a grocery list with several very hard to find items.
And then expects entertainment and babysitting.
I don’t live there.
He is a bad guest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When they ask if they can come I expect them to buy groceries and clean toilet when they leave.

Groceries for themselves or for the family?

Do you give them a list?

I’m envisioning Jan texting a long list of groceries for her family of 4 along with directions to the nearest grocery store. (Note: Larla is gluten free and we don’t allow sugar in our home!)

Do you tell them about scrubbing the toilet before or after they arrive?

Can you tell me how old you are and what county/city you live in? Genuinely curious because I’m in my early 50s and from an affluent part of the DC metro area, and I think this attitude is bananas. I mean, hosting a guest simply doesn’t involve a list of demands. Quite the opposite.

Themselves. No children

The guests are gluten free. We are not.

We’re all 60ish.
This is our retirement home in Florida.

I’m not demanding they do anything.
This is common courtesy IMO.
They asked if they could visit.

Eh, I guess…

Personally, I actually host people when they stay with me. I always have eggs, fruit, coffee, etc. on hand, and any gluten free person could find something for breakfast in my house. Ditto for ingredients for a salad, nuts, proteins, etc.

I always ask if there’s anything special they will need so I can get it ahead of time.

My guests typically treat us to a meal (usually a restaurant) and send flowers delivered the day of their arrival or departure. They always clean up after themselves, but nobody is scrubbing toilets, stripping beds, or doing laundry for us before they leave. The bathroom is clean, towels are in the hamper or hung up, bed is made, etc. It’s my job as the host to launder the towels and bedding after they leave. This isn’t a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When they ask if they can come I expect them to buy groceries and clean toilet when they leave.

Groceries for themselves or for the family?

Do you give them a list?

I’m envisioning Jan texting a long list of groceries for her family of 4 along with directions to the nearest grocery store. (Note: Larla is gluten free and we don’t allow sugar in our home!)

Do you tell them about scrubbing the toilet before or after they arrive?

Can you tell me how old you are and what county/city you live in? Genuinely curious because I’m in my early 50s and from an affluent part of the DC metro area, and I think this attitude is bananas. I mean, hosting a guest simply doesn’t involve a list of demands. Quite the opposite.

Themselves. No children

The guests are gluten free. We are not.

We’re all 60ish.
This is our retirement home in Florida.

I’m not demanding they do anything.
This is common courtesy IMO.
They asked if they could visit.

Anonymous wrote:When they ask if they can come I expect them to buy groceries and clean toilet when they leave.

How would they do this? Presumably they need to ask you where the toilet brush, gloves, and cleaner are because surely you don’t leave such things out in the open, correct?

I thought the citizens of Dcumlandia had more class than leaving the toilet brush out in the open and shoving cleaning supplies under the sink, but perhaps I was wrong?

Anonymous wrote:When they ask if they can come I expect them to buy groceries and clean toilet when they leave.

Groceries for themselves or for the family?

Do you give them a list?

I’m envisioning Jan texting a long list of groceries for her family of 4 along with directions to the nearest grocery store. (Note: Larla is gluten free and we don’t allow sugar in our home!)

Do you tell them about scrubbing the toilet before or after they arrive?

Can you tell me how old you are and what county/city you live in? Genuinely curious because I’m in my early 50s and from an affluent part of the DC metro area, and I think this attitude is bananas. I mean, hosting a guest simply doesn’t involve a list of demands. Quite the opposite.

We have a 3 day maximum when ppl visit. It’s a vacation destination and we bought it for our relaxation

When they ask if they can come I expect them to buy groceries and clean toilet when they leave.

Explain how they are a “guest” when you expect them to buy groceries, cook, clean, etc.?

Are they supposed to buy their own food and label it so your family doesn’t inadvertently eat it, or are they supposed to provision the kitchen for the “host” and their family?

Is a deep clean expected? Am I supposed to ask where you keep rubber gloves, the mop, etc.?

I mean, doesn’t everyone just maintain a clean bathroom? What cleaning is involved beyond asking where to put the used towels?

Do you really want your guest to strip the bed before leaving? Run your laundry?

I haven’t been a houseguest in anyone’s primary home in decades…because I prefer a nice hotel. But I’ve stayed with family and friends at their beach house/lake house/ski lodge/med villa, etc. and I’ve been welcomed back for years. There’s a difference between being hosted and using someone’s place when they aren’t there.

I am having a guest for a week in a pretty small house and he’s been great so far! Groceries are mostly on him, took us out too, doesn’t hog the bathroom, makes his own simple meals. Thanks for posting, I’ll be even more appreciative now!

I have a PSA - stay only 3 days max. Anything longer is disruptive in the lives of your friends.
You could be a wonderful guest but ppl need their space and their lives back. Get groceries, clean your room and bathroom when you leave, make meals and or clean up.
Stop hogging the hot water w long showers and stop w the weird food requests. At least, bring your own weird food.
And, if you are visiting your friends at their vacation home but wouldn’t consider visiting them at their permanent home, you’re suspect.
That is all.