Anonymous wrote:I also really just think the boss is weird or in their own head, although I understand why you're anxious. What kind of company is this? If it's one that has a lot of bureaucracy, I highly doubt they would hire two people so they can fire one. It's a big pain getting approval to hire somebody. It's possible that by the time they were able to hire, the work slowed down but they are too afraid not to hire because they don't want to lose the slots. The busy period may be later in the year.

These seem like good questions to discuss with the team lead: your performance, when the workload will pick up, anything you can do to prepare for that, protocol and expectations for interaction with the department head.

Thanks. That makes me feel better about not being in competition with the person hired in the other city. I will eventually be working directly with this boss on large projects per what I interviewed with him on and so it's weird he couldn't say hello on my first day when he was right next to me talking to a coworker. I wasn't expecting a friendship and buddy time. Just a simple hello and a couple of weeks in stopping by to check in and make sure all is ok.

Learn to put spaces between paragraphs in posts this long.

Better still don't pour out your neediness so much. Yikes.

If your boss "can hear every word you say" then likely they are trying to maintain distance and personal space despite the proximity. Have you worked in offices before? Shared an office? There is a knack to pretending you don't hear your coworker telling doctor about their bowel issues.

You are needy and anxious and may reel of those vibes. Try to project cordial calmness and respect personal boundaries.

Cultural fit and vibing... subtly observe what coworkers project. Is there a cone of silence at my desk vibe but maybe a cordial one in a common space like break room or coffee pot area?

Are you a woman? Are you a hot woman?

If so, there’s your answer.

I also really just think the boss is weird or in their own head, although I understand why you're anxious. What kind of company is this? If it's one that has a lot of bureaucracy, I highly doubt they would hire two people so they can fire one. It's a big pain getting approval to hire somebody. It's possible that by the time they were able to hire, the work slowed down but they are too afraid not to hire because they don't want to lose the slots. The busy period may be later in the year.

These seem like good questions to discuss with the team lead: your performance, when the workload will pick up, anything you can do to prepare for that, protocol and expectations for interaction with the department head.

You are going way down the rabbit hole and need to pull back. Maybe he just doesn't become buddies with subordinates. Don't try to force positive interactions. Also, don't make up a competition where there isn't one. Just focus on your job and doing it well.

I think you’re reading too much into it, even though he is acting weird. Have you asked anyone else if he’s always like this?

I recently took a new mid-level management job moving to a new town in a new state after interviewing with the department head and the team lead. Its been several weeks and while the department head works within 5 feet of my desk and can hear every word I say all day long, they have yet to even say hello even after talking to the person who sits next to me. I smiled said hello enthusiastically on the first day and he just looked at me and then turned away. The team lead who gives me work is friendly and I've gotten very positive feedback on work, but I feel very uneasy being that the department head never welcomed me and avoids me. At first I thought he just had a busy day and couldn't talk, but now this feels typical. He doesn't attend department meetings either. Many people around me do not have a lot of work and there are few deadlines each day. They also brought in another person two weeks after hiring me for a different office in the same capacity. Both jobs had been available and I had applied to both of them. This other new hire works in an office 2 hours away and the department head overseas both of us. Why would someone be so friendly in an interview but then avoidant on the job knowing that someone moved for the job and will be managing projects they are overseeing? It's so awkward now that they have avoided a simple introductory hello for so long and yet spend more than half of their day two cubicles away from me. I don't know if I should reach out and be friendly after being brushed off the first time. All of these companies make such a big deal these days during the interview about cultural fit and vibing well over skills, but then the job seems to be very much indivual skill work the entire day. The interview process this time around had a strong focus on communication and fit, but then interviewers often never even got back to me, so I was hoping this job offer meant I was seen as at least a good cultural fit.

Do you think the department head trying to decide between me and the other hire over these first three months? Did they overhire just to analyze more than one person? I have a hard time believing they would be so uncaring to hire someone moving to another state for a job, knowing they would soon let go one of two people after a trial period where two people unknowingly competed against each other, but maybe this is the new state of work. Should I keep looking at other job opportunities or just hope for the best and try to do my best at this job? How do I navigate doing my best with someone who doesn't want to connect? I really need a steady job where I can pay my bills and save for college for my kids. I also have to decide if I sell or rent my home and don't want to sell if the job doesn't work out. I like the work very much and the rest of the team seems friendly enough. I've just never worked for a place where the people I've interviewed with and work beside haven't even stopped by to say hello and check in how things are going two weeks in. Or where there is so little work at the outset. I'm trying not to care about the slight, but just want to understand the situation and act strategically. What should I do to break the ice and vibe better with this department head and help put myself on firmer ground with the new job besides just trying to do a good job at the work I'm given? How do I stand out between me and this other person they just hired?