Anonymous wrote:Please note when I meant bullies, I meant violent bullies, not unkind kids in a playground. In preschool, this meant slapping in the face, punching, hitting other kids with planks, etc.

If this is the kind of behavior you think you can manage with your own child, then more kudos to you because we had not figured out a way to counteract physical violence with words and to be honest, neither did the preschool.

The other types of bullies you find in the normal course of life and in private school and public school alike.

What public school permitted this? I find this very hard to believe. And guess what - there are nightmare kids in private too.

And if your kid is the one being targeted, it is worth taking a second to figure out why they are targeting your kid rather than others. I'm not saying your kid deserves it or the other kid is not at fault, but perhaps there are things they could be doing differently.

Please note when I meant bullies, I meant violent bullies, not unkind kids in a playground. In preschool, this meant slapping in the face, punching, hitting other kids with planks, etc.

If this is the kind of behavior you think you can manage with your own child, then more kudos to you because we had not figured out a way to counteract physical violence with words and to be honest, neither did the preschool.

The other types of bullies you find in the normal course of life and in private school and public school alike.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re on the UWS and zoned for a great school for a public. Currently we’re in daycare (we didn’t get a free 3k). We could afford private if we sacrificed but I just don’t see the worth for k-5 or k-8? What is the point of private st a young age? Both parents went to boarding high school which was a great experience so we were thinking of saving for that experience if our kid wanted that.

I wonder if coming from a public elementary school, how hard or how easy is it to transfer to a private middle school, or private high school when the time comes? Are there a lot of seats that open up at those stage?

Depends on the school but usually there are quite a few seats at the HS level - that's when all the kids from the K-8 schools enter and most privates expand a lot (some more than others). I know many public school kids who switched to private, particularly for HS. A number of them turn down Stuy, Bronx Science, etc. - they want a smaller, often calmer learning environment and often the parents might not have funds to pay for private K-12 but can manage 9-12, and/or their financial situations improved to change what they can afford.

Anonymous wrote:We’re on the UWS and zoned for a great school for a public. Currently we’re in daycare (we didn’t get a free 3k). We could afford private if we sacrificed but I just don’t see the worth for k-5 or k-8? What is the point of private st a young age? Both parents went to boarding high school which was a great experience so we were thinking of saving for that experience if our kid wanted that.

I wonder if coming from a public elementary school, how hard or how easy is it to transfer to a private middle school, or private high school when the time comes? Are there a lot of seats that open up at those stage?

Anonymous wrote:My own kid is in a private school. We wanted private school because he was tormented in his unscreened pre-K by two kids (one diagnosed and one not). It was a nightmare since he was a target for bullies. We were dreading public school with the Russian roulette of violent bullies. It takes public school a long process to shift them to another school if at all. If your kid is adept at avoiding these types of kids, public school is for you and money saved. If your kid seems like more of a target, private school may be worth the cost. Our school is quick to nip the bad behavior in the bud and potentially counsel out behavior problems. Note that this is the current climate of private schools and not what happened like a decade or more ago which people love to post to paint the entire private school experience as what happened in their day.

Both of my kids went to public school. The older one was a passive, somewhat awkward kid who easily could have been a target (he was actually bullied a bit in pre-k at his very fancy private pre-school until we solved the problem). Both were in IEP classes early on which is likely where kids with behavior issues would end up. No issues what-so-ever. Partially because we chose a very good public school with a good administration that nips these things in the bud. If something had happened, we would have immediately contacted the principal and it would have gone away (like we did at the pre-school, though their response was slower than it should have been).

And we would have taken steps to help our child manage the situation - this is an important life lesson. You're not going to spend all of life in a sanitized bubble (especially in NYC). And not that anyone has it coming to them, but a lot of kids who get bullied do things that make them targets - not that they deserve it but small changes can help - when my son was bullied in pre-k we looked in the mirror and realized that there were things he could be doing to help the situation as well - everyone wants to blame the other kid.

Sorry you had the experience you did and I'm sure you are not alone with them but the broad, ignorant generalizations are not OK. Also note that there is someone who posts repeatedly here whose kid was frequently bullied at a private school with no response from the school. So this is not just a public school issue.

My own kid is in a private school. We wanted private school because he was tormented in his unscreened pre-K by two kids (one diagnosed and one not). It was a nightmare since he was a target for bullies. We were dreading public school with the Russian roulette of violent bullies. It takes public school a long process to shift them to another school if at all. If your kid is adept at avoiding these types of kids, public school is for you and money saved. If your kid seems like more of a target, private school may be worth the cost. Our school is quick to nip the bad behavior in the bud and potentially counsel out behavior problems. Note that this is the current climate of private schools and not what happened like a decade or more ago which people love to post to paint the entire private school experience as what happened in their day.

dont do it. add up the money you'll spend in private over time for all kids and really consider whether you can afford to throw nearly $2m at educating 2 kids (for example) when you could get at least part of it for free.

Private is sometimes worth it, but I think it's highly dependent on a bunch of things, mostly related to your child's personality. You won't get super personalized attention at public (unless there is a real special need), but most kids don't need it, and the neighborhood community etc is a real benefit that balances the pros and cons.

Everyone I know was very happy with public through about second grade. People who have kids who are both smart AND naturally organzied/driven/etc continue to be happy. with kids who are have uneven strengths, late bloomers, high strung, dreamers etc high achieving parents start to get concerned around 3/4/5th grade that the work is not at the level they're happy with (but school thinks its fine). You can supplement around that (for WAY less $$), but again, it's highly dependent around your kid's personality, your family, what you can do outside of school, etc.

Private is also a luxury good for parents. DOE has made at least three rounds of major changes since my sixth grader was born (changing zones and admission criteria). Not dealing with that is worth it to me (but to be clear, we aren't sacrificing things like saving for retirement)

Anonymous wrote:Op - this is all really helpful. We’re renters and currently in ps 9, but we’d be fine with 97, 199, a handful of others!

I assume you mean 87, not 97.

My kids went to one of those and had very good experiences. They have changed over time for a variety of reasons but overall are doing great things. Great parent communities of smart, engaged, interesting, diverse people who are committed to education in terms of time and money. Not every kid is perfect, nor is every teacher, but the good outweigh the bad. Hopefully NYC will be smart enough to not ruin a good thing.

Anonymous wrote:You simply won’t get int a decent boarding school from public … if that’s what you want you need to buy int the system from the start … which you already missed by skipping feeder preschools in favor of daycare.

This is not true, especially if their kid is legacy at two different boarding schools. I know numerous people who went to public school before boarding school. If anything, it may help because there's less competition amongst classmates, not like Chapin or Buckley where there are 10 students applying to the same schools.

You simply won’t get int a decent boarding school from public … if that’s what you want you need to buy int the system from the start … which you already missed by skipping feeder preschools in favor of daycare.

Op - this is all really helpful. We’re renters and currently in ps 9, but we’d be fine with 97, 199, a handful of others!

UWS public parent who had a great experience and kid ended up in a very good private for HS. Wouldn't change this. Academics were very good, most teachers were very good, admin was good, met kids from all over the world, great to go to neighborhood playgrounds or walk down the street and see friends. And for kids that age, going to a school close to home is very important.

Lots of time until middle school so see how things evolve for the schools and your child. Good schools on the UWS though they all have pros and cons. However, who knows what they will be like when relevant for you. Though if you are targeting boarding, I assume that if you go public K-5 you will likely stay there as silly to transfer to a private for just 6-8.

Just be very careful about keeping an eye on your zone and that it doesn't get yanked from you. They rezoned about eight years ago and there are some rumblings things could change again with the class size changes.

I don’t think it’s worth it for elementary school but could be worth it for middle school.

We’re on the UWS and zoned for a great school for a public. Currently we’re in daycare (we didn’t get a free 3k). We could afford private if we sacrificed but I just don’t see the worth for k-5 or k-8? What is the point of private st a young age? Both parents went to boarding high school which was a great experience so we were thinking of saving for that experience if our kid wanted that.