Anonymous wrote:A crush a sign that your marriage is damaged. The question is what do you want to do with that information.

+1

A crush a sign that your marriage is damaged. The question is what do you want to do with that information.

Your husband is protesting a bit too much, IMO.

Thou shall not covet. You can think someone is cute, but don't engage with the thoughts too much.

Anonymous wrote: How would you feel if your DH was at home fantasizing about a female coworker rather than putting energy into his marriage with you?

You can do both. I am perfectly fine with my husband's crushes as long as he treats me right, and vice versa. That's a healthy marriage for you. Why would it be one or the other?

Honestly, this thread is bonkers for even having this discussion. Everyone ends up having a crush at some point, and should not feel guilty about it. Surely we're not all ultra-uptight, close-minded religious sheep in here?!

Despite what some pastors will try to tell you, your thoughts are your thoughts and you can’t always control them. You can control your actions, and if you don’t like your thoughts that feel crush-like, you can minimize your interactions with the other person.

Anonymous wrote: How would you feel if your DH was at home fantasizing about a female coworker rather than putting energy into his marriage with you?

This.

Crushes are healthy and normal. They're an outlet for fantasy and wishful thinking, and allow humans to avoid more socially-damaging forms of seeking affection.

It's so sad some people don't understand this.

How would you feel if your DH was at home fantasizing about a female coworker rather than putting energy into his marriage with you?

Oh please. Everyone has eyes and encounters attractive people from time to time.

Anonymous wrote:
I mean having feelings for someone while married is kinda’ off.

Well marriages aren't perfect and after decades of marriage I can see having a crush. Escapist fantasy, harmless.

I hope not because I sure do. Now, he lives in the UK so the odds of anything happening are remote. Feelings are not cheating.

I mean having feelings for someone while married is kinda’ off.

OP, you don't need to consider it "a crush". You can control how you react.

I asked my DH if he had ever had a work crush. He said no. Then he said he considered that to be cheating. I am very surprised about this. I think a crush is innocent unless either party acts on it.