I would just let her be! She will get upset by the cold water and that will naturally bring her out of it. It is self correcting already.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay in the bathroom and start with what needs to get done. Start and the top and move down. So shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body soap and scrub all of the parts. Then she gets a three (?) minute timer to finish rinsing everything and get out.

Tell her she’s wasting water and time.

When she can do it all on her own reliably, you don’t have to be in there anymore.

OP here. Thanks. This is what we did all last year and I thought we'd gotten to the point where we could leave but I guess not. Ugh.

I sometimes feel like all I do is tell her what to do. Hang up your coat, get out your homework, come eat dinner, straighten up your room, take a shower, get ready for bed, okay lights out in 30, okay lights out. She's a good kid and mostly does what we ask but I was hoping we could get a bit more independence this year so I don't have to feel like such a task master every single night. I'm doing all this for multiple kids while also getting my own evening chores done and sometimes my head just feels so exhausted from having to juggle it all that the idea of spending 10 minutes babysitting a shower is like.... aaaaaaah! I cannot.

Why not just… let her take long showers? I take really long showers. They’re lovely. Zoning out in the shower is a delight. Why must everything be rushed and purposeful? Especially with these feelings above… just let her do it her way in her own time.

Because she will take a 20 minute shower, the water will get cold, and then she's crying because she's still got conditioner in her hair that she hasn't washed out and she never did body soap.

I would be fine with the long shower if she emerged clean and relaxed. A 20 minute shower that depletes our hot water and she's not even clean plus she's upset? No thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay in the bathroom and start with what needs to get done. Start and the top and move down. So shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body soap and scrub all of the parts. Then she gets a three (?) minute timer to finish rinsing everything and get out.

Tell her she’s wasting water and time.

When she can do it all on her own reliably, you don’t have to be in there anymore.

OP here. Thanks. This is what we did all last year and I thought we'd gotten to the point where we could leave but I guess not. Ugh.

I sometimes feel like all I do is tell her what to do. Hang up your coat, get out your homework, come eat dinner, straighten up your room, take a shower, get ready for bed, okay lights out in 30, okay lights out. She's a good kid and mostly does what we ask but I was hoping we could get a bit more independence this year so I don't have to feel like such a task master every single night. I'm doing all this for multiple kids while also getting my own evening chores done and sometimes my head just feels so exhausted from having to juggle it all that the idea of spending 10 minutes babysitting a shower is like.... aaaaaaah! I cannot.

Why not just… let her take long showers? I take really long showers. They’re lovely. Zoning out in the shower is a delight. Why must everything be rushed and purposeful? Especially with these feelings above… just let her do it her way in her own time.

Anonymous wrote:Get a Bluetooth Shower speaker and make a special playlist. First song is shampoo and conditioner. Second song is body wash and rinse. Last song is to play/dance/have fun. Total 10 minutes. First week or two you DO have to stand outside and make sure she’s on task, until her brain becomes accustomed to the habit.

This is a cute idea. I feel like it might play into the zoning out tendencies, though -- one of the things she does when she's zoning out is sing and dance in the shower. I feel like she might get distracted by the songs and just bop around instead of thinking "this is my shampoo song."

Anonymous wrote:Shower timer.

But also you have to babysit. My ADHD 11 year old will literally forget the existence of time in a bathroom. And not just in the shower, also sitting on the toilet, brushing teeth, etc.

We put clocks in every bathroom and run a timer for showers. Sometimes it works.

Do you have a timer you recommend? I feel like I need a timer that can have multiple alarms to remind her to do each thing. Or maybe I get a bunch of egg timers? I don't know.

Anonymous wrote:Stay in the bathroom and start with what needs to get done. Start and the top and move down. So shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body soap and scrub all of the parts. Then she gets a three (?) minute timer to finish rinsing everything and get out.

Tell her she’s wasting water and time.

When she can do it all on her own reliably, you don’t have to be in there anymore.

OP here. Thanks. This is what we did all last year and I thought we'd gotten to the point where we could leave but I guess not. Ugh.

I sometimes feel like all I do is tell her what to do. Hang up your coat, get out your homework, come eat dinner, straighten up your room, take a shower, get ready for bed, okay lights out in 30, okay lights out. She's a good kid and mostly does what we ask but I was hoping we could get a bit more independence this year so I don't have to feel like such a task master every single night. I'm doing all this for multiple kids while also getting my own evening chores done and sometimes my head just feels so exhausted from having to juggle it all that the idea of spending 10 minutes babysitting a shower is like.... aaaaaaah! I cannot.

Get a Bluetooth Shower speaker and make a special playlist. First song is shampoo and conditioner. Second song is body wash and rinse. Last song is to play/dance/have fun. Total 10 minutes. First week or two you DO have to stand outside and make sure she’s on task, until her brain becomes accustomed to the habit.

Shower timer.

But also you have to babysit. My ADHD 11 year old will literally forget the existence of time in a bathroom. And not just in the shower, also sitting on the toilet, brushing teeth, etc.

We put clocks in every bathroom and run a timer for showers. Sometimes it works.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inattentive ADHD. I know, my kid with inattentive ADHD does the same thing.

She doesn't do this in any other part of life -- homework, cleaning her room, getting read for school or getting ready for bed. Only showers.

But whatever, what is the solution. It can't go on like it is and if I babysit every shower, she doesn't learn how to do it herself.

PP you replied to. Sorry, forgot to answer your actual question. My kid has a severe form of ADHD, and for 18 years, we needed to babysit, remind, nag and yell. I set up a shower timer, but it didn't work well, because he'd zone out, the timer would ring, and then he'd just reset it so he could actually wash (so maybe it was better than nothing). Words cannot describe, OP, the frustration that we felt. He was on meds, but they only worked during the day, not in the morning or in the evening. Now he's in college and I don't care how long he takes over there to shower, cook his meals, etc - his roommates can deal with him!

If your kid isn't like this in other parts of her life, then great - maybe a shower timer will work.

Stay in the bathroom and start with what needs to get done. Start and the top and move down. So shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body soap and scrub all of the parts. Then she gets a three (?) minute timer to finish rinsing everything and get out.

Tell her she’s wasting water and time.

When she can do it all on her own reliably, you don’t have to be in there anymore.

Anonymous wrote:Inattentive ADHD. I know, my kid with inattentive ADHD does the same thing.

She doesn't do this in any other part of life -- homework, cleaning her room, getting read for school or getting ready for bed. Only showers.

But whatever, what is the solution. It can't go on like it is and if I babysit every shower, she doesn't learn how to do it herself.

Anonymous wrote:Go back to baths

I don't see how that would help.

Inattentive ADHD. I know, my kid with inattentive ADHD does the same thing.

Go back to baths

8 yo regularly gets in the shower, forgets why she's there, and will just stand there for 15 minutes before starting to wash her hair. We'll even go in and remind her "wash your hair, wash your body" and she'll start doing it, forget, and then 5 minutes later she's still "rinsing out her hair." Her showers take forever and often she'll get upset because she's running out of hot water but still has tasks to complete and she has to do them in cold water.

I don't know how to keep her on task in there other than literally standing in the bathroom reminding her to do each thing in sequence until she's done. She is not like this with other things. She can be slow sometimes but usually stays on task. It's something about being in the water that just distracts her and she totally zones out.